Name: Bill Burr - Becoming A Connoisseur Drunk
Uploaded: 2020-06-24T18:26:39.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Becoming A Connoisseur Drunk' from Comedy University on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-06-24. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Becoming A Connoisseur Drunk' from Comedy University on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-06-24. Transcript available.

- Why aren't you drinking for a year?
That's incredible.
- I'm not drinking just because it got too out of hand.
I have the time to be a drunk.
And I just, you know, but I also got into bourbons and stuff.
So I was like, ooh, this one here.
So I became- - You pretend it's a hobby.
- I became the connoisseur drunk, right?
- Yeah, yeah, it's class here.
- And it was like, you know, I didn't know how to deal
with some of the new stresses in my life.
So I was using it as that, and I was drinking alone.
And I loved it.
I would come home.
My wife would be asleep.
I miss it still.
And I would come home and I would get a nice big ice cube.
I'm literally mouthwatering now.
And I would take bourbon- - Yeah, you're flushed.
- And my rule was, the first thing, you know, I would,
you know, I was really into reading the whole thing.
Like, well, you don't want the ice cube
to drip into the bourbon too much
'cause you're changing the flavor.
It's like those people who like light a Cuban cigar
with a little cedar fucking thing, you know what I mean?
'Cause you don't want the chemicals from the lighter.
And I was really getting into the, all of these,
the more knowledge you have,
the more you can disguise that your shit's
a little out of control.
- Yeah, and that basically you're just drinking.
- Do you know I took a tour of the Oreo cookie factory
and that they have, this is the amount,
this is how they put the sugar in.
It's just like, buddy, as you're just consuming
a whole sleeve of them. - You just shove it.
- Yeah, and your fucking sugar's off the rails.
It's just like, dude, you're becoming a fat fuck.
'Cause I'm not like an Alky.
- Jamison Oreo.
- I'm not an Alky, but I'm definitely a guy,
like when I, what has made me successful
could also take me out.
Because when I get into shit, I get into shit.
It's like, oh my God, I like bourbon.
Let me fucking get into the bourbon shit.
- Whoa.
- Yeah, whoa, right?
- I think I have a problem.
- Then it became, I had to fill it up over,
just over the ice cube.
And I used to call 'em, 'cause my wife would give me shit,
like, you know, how many tabs did I go?
I had one drink.
She goes, it was like this fucking big.
And I'd be, it's a home pour.
But she's cool, so she was all right.
- She was a goblet.
- Then one became two, and then two became three.
And I was like, you know, and then I became a dad.
And then I was like, like legally shit-faced.
- Yeah.
- Dude, this was my thing.
This was my thing.
I would come home after doing standup.
I had a great fucking time.
And I had these, I actually bought these glasses
that this guy makes down in El Segundo.
I don't know if he still makes them.
And they were all, this is when I really got into it.
They were all made out of glass, okay?
The whole glass, including the ice cube.
It looked like an ice cube, but that was also glass.
And then you took the glass and you put it in the freezer.
So then when you took it out,
you poured your booze in there and it got chilled.
And you had this thing that was essentially working
like an ice cube, but there was no water.
- Oh, that's cool.
- So you were getting this straight.
- It wasn't diluting any of it.
- The straight booze, and it was chilled.
And my thing was, I would pour it up and over that glass
thing that looked like an ice cube.
And I would drink three of them.
And I would watch like three episodes of Peter Gunn,
or maybe like 77 Sunset Strip.
And it was like all old school TV.
So I didn't have to deal with global warming
or any of this people screaming about Trump or fucking Hillary.
- Yeah.
- And I would just sit there and I would watch this shit.
And everybody in the shows I was watching
was drinking and smoking.
They wanted to kiss a woman.
Hey, get over here, get over here, toots.
You know, these big fucking gas guzzling cars.
There was no ramifications to any of the behavior.
- The golden era.
- And it made me feel like, yeah, man, I was born in the wrong era, man.
You know, fucking, that's always great too, to analyze yourself with nobody
else.
- Yeah.
- You know, and you're just, wow, I'm liking all these answers.
- Yeah, compared to, and you're comparing yourself to like movie stars.
Like, and it also must be weird to be at all, the few times I've been like stoned
or slightly
drunk around like, I don't do it often, but if I'm around a kid, there's always
something
a little weird about that.
But I can only imagine-
- Because you're a well-adjusted person.
There's a thing that you just can't like, because I knew what was going to
happen was
eventually she was going to be old enough to be awake when I was doing that.
And I was going to normalize that sort of behavior.
And then just be like, yeah, whatever, my dad drank, you know, blah, blah, blah,
blah.
So I try, you know, I try to shield her from a lot of my problems that I'm
trying to work out.
- Well, I like that you say that about parents, like about, that we're all just,
we have to leave our childhoods behind.
We got to let go of the childhoods.
We can't like pass that on.
- Because it doesn't exist.
It's in your head.
- Right, right.
- So that was a really sort of great moment I had with my wife at one point.
I was just like, you know what I fucking realized?
It's like none of our, our childhoods don't exist anymore.
- Yeah.
- You're not this person.
You're not that person.
You're you.
And I'm me.
And our kid is us, right?
And with her own thing.
- Sure, she's her own thing.
- So whatever the fuck happened to you when you were four,
what happened to me when I was six that we're still hanging on to.
- Right.
- It's not in any way going to affect her unless we're still hanging on to this
shit.
- Right.
But you see it all the time with parents.
- It's hard.
- It's hard because you love them so much and then you don't want to pass it on
to them.
And then what it is, is it trying to stop one issue.
You create this other issue.
- Right.
- That's right.
- You know, through overbearing, over controlling, sort of.
- Yeah.
Trying too hard.
Yeah.
Leaning the other way.
What's the thing that you do want to really pass on to her that you're like,
I'd be disappointed if she didn't get this from me or get this from, from Nia.
- That you're going to be all right.
That all these people, there's going to be all these people that are going to
sell you
shit out of fear.
Everything from a car to you need two years of a language and all of this type
of stuff.
- I wish I could go back.
- And it's just literally listen to your gut, do what you want to do,
and just know that so much shit that people are going to say to you in life,
it's their reaction to this thing that they're afraid you're going to do.
- Right.
- And if you listen to them, I mean, I can't imagine how many incredible guitarists
are working
at Home Depot or how many hilarious people are like, you know, driving a truck
or something like
that. And they wanted to do something and they just weren't surrounded by the
right people because
I wasn't strong enough to do this. And I just, when I really look back, the
luck that I had of
falling into this and how I, I somehow.
- Well, there must've been.
- Right, right, right.
As I almost went off the cliff and I wouldn't have done it, this person came
into my life.
I mean, there is a way too where you can then look back and everything means
something.
- Exactly. Those are the, like you said to me earlier, those are the things you
remember.