Name: Bill Burr - How This Pandemic Revealed Hollywood's Real Face
Uploaded: 2020-07-10T17:19:29.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - How This Pandemic Revealed Hollywood's Real Face' from Comedy University on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-07-10. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - How This Pandemic Revealed Hollywood's Real Face' from Comedy University on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-07-10. Transcript available.

what are you doing with all this time on your hand like are you drums I mean
that's what I
thought playing with my kid I mean it's like I'm living at home with my parents
again I'm playing
like two hours a day I'm playing the best drums of my friggin life right now it's
not putting any
uh you know toilet paper in the bathroom but you know I know it used to be food
on the table now
it's toilet paper in the bathroom tell people what you think about what's going
I'm curious
what you think about it like I know you think it's hard I was very disappointed
with the behavior
of a small portion of this population I should have anticipated it that
absolutely shit themselves
and went down to the groceries grocery store and bought three weeks weeks worth
of groceries that
were going to go bad within 10 days that's the amount of food that was wasted
and was probably
thrown out already and but I love seeing it out here in Hollywood where they're
always lecturing
people I mean you want to talk about a diva moment you they give you an award
for having your own tv
show and and getting in front of a camera and saying things that other people
wrote and you you take that
moment to give everybody a lecture on how they can be a better person like you
okay and they go up there
and it progressive this is a safe space and all that you saw who the fuck those
people were when this shit hit the fan I was
joking about that in my podcast it became fuck you fuck him fuck her fuck they
fuck everybody fuck old people
yeah no one cares about anyone anymore I know it became hair it became every
progressive for themselves
sorry oh my god I have it I have it I think I have it yeah do you have it do I
have it no god forbid have
you been staying home and doing nothing I've been like meaning you've gone out
at all no I've been
doing exactly what the government told me to do good for you we'll see what
happens I mean I also
I also travel for a living so I don't know how long the incubation is and I am
not going on the internet
to try and figure it out I'd have a better chance of figuring out whether or
not an egg is actually
healthy or it's killing me there's so much misinformation I don't know what the
fuck is
going on yeah do you know people drank liquids and dot like it's crazy people
are there's this whole
thing going on about Advil I don't know what it like you're not supposed to
take Advil if you have
it did you hear that no I get you stop listening to people especially CNN or
Fox I mean they're just
out there just gassing the whole thing up there's two things that are driving
me nuts right now other
than the panic people is um 24-hour news networks just keeping this the the
craziness going not not
reporting anything positive it's all gloom and doom um which is treasonous
fucking behavior you want to
keep people calm all right and then I would say um you know what I'm so old I
forgot what my other one
was I'm exactly like you I'll be like you know you really need to wait no way I
don't even remember
there's you said there's two things going on one of them is the 24-hour news
which is horrific it is
I watched CNN last night oh and then the other thing was all of these fucking
people
who are selfishly still going out not respecting that thing it's just like you're
tanking you're
tanking the economy I know because all it's going to take is just one person to
have it to keep it
going I know I believe me I thought the same thing today and I I saw I can't
believe the government
isn't out shooting those people at this point I don't know you know in Israel
you can't leave
your house like there's places where you're going to get arrested if you leave
your house
I feel like we should just be like get the fuck in your house and if you leave
that's it you're
and all the conspiracy theorists can be like this is what they wanted all along
it's like nope
you're blaming the wrong end of the problem here I'm listen I am the most contrarian
person you're
ever going to meet I downplayed this thing downplayed this thing downplayed
this thing once they said
everybody stay inside said all right this is fucking this time it's real so I
did I'm staying in
I'm doing what the fuck they say everybody needs to pull in the same direction
here and all of these
fucking idiots who are sitting here trashing Donald Trump it's not helping us
they're doing a great
job they are trying to get 350 million people they're trying to get 7 billion
people in the world
to all pull in the same direction and you can't do it because the problem is I
know people are just
doing what they want to do like I saw videos they're not it's a small portion
that are doing no I know
a small portion that's they're in their ego they're being divas yeah yeah and
they're being
defiant like people I saw kids like you know coughing on vegetables in the
market and lickings I'm like
what are you doing if that was my kid I would kill them I swear to god well
that's who you should get
mad at it's their parents yeah I always get mad at the parents I don't blame
the kids I went to the
market today and the guy was in the meat aisle and I'm like do you have brisket
and I swear to god
he turned around he goes you need to be six feet from me I'm like we're in a
market
no but you do need you need to know bill but there's people everywhere how am I
supposed to be
I don't understand well look if I go to a market that's one thing if you start
talking to me and
you're exhaling on me Jessica I love you but you need to be six feet away from
me there's a reason
I'm not in that studio right now I know that's the only reason why we're doing
this no listen I'll be
honest with you they're gonna be I totally think that they're gonna beat this
thing I think they'll have
it under control by the end of April no absolutely I don't have you think it's
the end of the world
I don't know we beat AIDS we beat AIDS you got it through fuck but that wasn't
I mean no but that
was through fucking this that's not through like standing next to someone
Jessica there's seven billion
people on the planet people are fucking
I love I love what you just said to me yes I don't think anyone has sex I think
young people do but
bill how do you think this is going to go away if people keep going out and
seriously I'm not joking
I'm asking you because I'm I don't have a lot of hope with this and I'm very I
usually do
um well I I think you're watching just get off the internet stop watching the
news stay inside
yeah I mean you're right like going to JFK airport do you like going to LaGuardia
do you like going to
Newark I don't like going to LAX this is going to be a great little break okay
I just wish the
the fucking banker cunts you know what they should do is this is like a video
game the economy because
we all know it's a Ponzi scheme and the problems is the wheels stop turning so
it's going to crumble
unless you just act like everybody hit pause everybody's hits pause nobody owes
rent the landlord
doesn't owe his debt blah blah blah blah blah the bankers have more money than
fucking god at the top
everybody's fine you just hit pause for fucking three months everybody stays
inside it goes away
and then we start all over again and those banker cunts can roll around in
their gold and their silver
and their fucking you know underage whores whatever the fuck it is they're
doing and then we can just
continue on and I'll watch my bread and circus fucking sports and you can watch
your real housewives
or the uh the lovely lesbians of uh los angeles whatever the hell it is you
watch yeah I don't
I don't watch the lovely lesbians of los angeles I'm pitching that the second
this pandemic is over
I'll listen I'll I'll be I'll be in it I I used to watch uh lesbian shows but
they're so not
what really happens so it's so annoying it's really not real I know I get it so
do you have like you
don't feel like you're more anxious now you're not in your head about stuff
like what's gonna happen
that's good no because I'm not watching these people fanning the fucking flames
here's the deal
okay the government actually has your back on this one because if you die they
can't exploit you anymore
so they want you to live all right if everybody dies who's gonna clip the hedges
at their giant
fucking house yeah they need us servants they need us that's right so they don't
want all their
servants to die we're the jesters yeah they need a jester yeah so and I always
take comfort in the fact
that I can only die once so yeah there's a lot worse ways to go there's people
get tortured to death
oh I know fall off a cruise ship and just wait for a shark to take them I mean
if I
don't know that's a horrible way to go yeah that's horrible yeah I don't I I
yeah I I agree so you get a
little cough what's the big deal well the thing is uh Josh Adam Meyers actually
broke it down to me
I was like buddy people can survive this what is the big fucking deal and he
was like well it can kill
old people and then they make up three percent of the world's population which
is 210 million people
you don't want 210 million people fucking all dropping in a few months it's not
only old people
my friend who's 50 well fat people too you know what'd you call me fat people
um you just call me people
booze bags yeah my friend who's 50 is in a chain smokers yeah everybody that
raises your health insurance
not just that my friend who has asthma is in a coma who has yeah that'll do it
too yeah it's horrible
it's real it's really and he's 50 in jersey he he did like he didn't feel well
thank god and went to
the hospital 50 in jerseys like 75 in rhode island