Name: Bill Burr - Talks About Being Sober
Uploaded: 2020-09-01T09:26:36.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Talks About Being Sober' from Comedy University on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-09-01. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Talks About Being Sober' from Comedy University on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-09-01. Transcript available.

Right. Have you found, have you found yourself, uh, like, I know you, you're
not, you're not
drinking anymore. I don't, I don't know if you're sober. I don't know if the,
if that's a term that
you even use, but you've, you kind of put away the sauce. Is it forever or no?
Um,
are you saying the word sober? Is that not correct for you? Is that not correct?
It's not
correct. Cause I'll fucking, I'll take a couple of hits off a joint or I'll eat
like a gummy bear
or whatever. Um, but even then, then I'll just, I'll just start doing, I just
realized I'm sort
of like a habit guy. So like one of my habits now is straightening up and going
through my shit.
And I just get, I get like into shit. I don't get addicted. I get into shit.
And then I have like
this fucking habit that I don't have to go to meetings and I can just stop
doing it. I just
wake up one day. I'm like, all right, I'm done doing this shit. Right. And that's
what, that's
what, that's what drinking was just kind of like something you just were done
doing.
I had, I had a kid and I was legally fucking hammered. It's my drinking started
with when
I got really busy in this business. And like, um, I'm telling you, dude, like
how hard writers
work in this business. And you know, those first two, three seasons where I was
in there
every single day, slugging it out before I had kids. And I had to sort of like
delegate
a little more and be a little smarter with my time. Like you would come home,
especially
on days when the script wasn't working, the level of thinking that you just did
for, you
know, eight, 10, 12 hours. You, I would come home and I was, I would just be
fucking fried.
And there was just nothing better than coming home and taking a really fucking
great bottle
of bourbon important over a giant fucking ice cube. Yeah. But what happened was
that, that,
you know, one finger became two, became three, became, I'll pour it up over the
ice cube became,
I'll have another one became, I'll hide the third one on this side of my leg.
And hopefully the ice
won't touch the glass. So my wife won't hear it. And I was like, am I literally
doing this?
And which made me wonder, can you drink yourself as a non-addictive personality?
Can you drink
yourself into actually being an alcoholic? Because I know that you can get like
addicted to sugars. I
definitely got addicted to tobacco, nicotine with, with cigars, which I'm
battling that again,
because I had a kid, it was my wife's birthday, my birthday and father's day.
So the cigars were just
flying at me. And I just kept justifying it. Oh, it's a day before my birthday.
Last day, I'm 51.
Good excuse to light one up. Yeah. Turn 52. The next day I got on Zoom with
Bart, Nick Verzi and
all my buddies, Josh and all of the guys. And then the next day I did Rogan and
my buddy, Mike Binder,
had left a box of cigars. It was three days in a row. Right. And then the devil
was fucking
at his talons in my back again. So, um, I've smoked two more since then I have
two more left.
So I'm just going like, all right, June, I'm going sideways. I'm going to pick
my spot to enjoy those
next two. And then I'm just not going to, um, replenish my, you know, my cigar
box and then I'll
just be fine. Cause that's, that's another thing that I learned. How my
drinking went out of control
was I brought it. I learned about it. So I learned the, Ooh, the higher brow
liquors,
you know? Right. Right. And then, and then I, I brought the devil into my house
and back in the
day, if I wanted to drink, I had to go out. So there was so many nights that I
felt like having
a drink, but I'm not fucking putting my pants on. And you know, it was the nineties,
put moose in my
hair back when I had something. I'm just, I don't want to deal with that, you
know? Right. Right.
So, um, so it's gone for good for now. It's gone for good for now. Yeah. I
think, uh,
I think, you know, something when I feel that I could actually go back to it
and it wouldn't be a
fucking problem, which I just, I don't, I don't believe that it, that it, it,
it wouldn't be. So,
um, you know, there is occasions like when I'm out with my wife and we're
having a really nice meal
and then they bring this bottle of wine that compliments it. Yeah. You know,
she takes a sip
like, Oh, you know, that's, that's when it's fucking hard. But, um, but I got
to tell you,
waking up in the morning, you know, you don't have the booze bag face and you
got a flat stomach.
That's, you know, it's, it's fucking great up until about five 30, six o'clock.
Yeah. No, I mean, it's look, I, I like, I go back and forth as I've,
this show is all about having a drink with somebody and you know,
I'm sorry, I fucked that up. You did bad. No, it's no, a lot of, so many of my
friends are
actually sober too. I mean, like, you know, Bobby's one of my best friends and
he's been sober for years.
So, so many people in my life are so sober now. It almost makes me sometimes go,
Oh, maybe I should, maybe I should slow down or stop or, but it's not become an
issue.
Slow down is always a great thing. The advice I would give you, well, you're
married. So I think
you'll be all right. Yeah. I was single for so long. I would, I, uh, the joke I've
been doing is
don't, don't use up all your fun days. Right. Right. No, you know what it
really is.
You get to your forties and fifties and all of a sudden you gotta like,
you're just, you're like in damage control. Like I gotta start doing yoga.
Right. I gotta, uh, you know, I gotta eat Brussels sprouts, but doing shit like
that is not a bad
thing. But I mean, dude, is there anything more fun than fucking just getting
shit face,
being on a boat, getting hammered and being at a game?
Yeah. It's my fucking people that are drinking. It's fun as shit. Like I was a
real like happy
drunk. So I, and I had a lot of good time. I didn't get into fights and shit
like that. I had a
great, I had a great fucking time, but I can definitely, uh, you know, there
are definitely
times, especially, uh, with stress, which is not a good reason to drink. Um,
you know, I, I definitely
feel myself going like, God damn, I could really do, I could, you know, but,
but my brain immediately
goes into not, I would like to have a drink. It's be like, I would like to give
a bottle a nice
fucking liver punch, you know, like take half of it out.
Right. So that's funny. I'm the, I'm the opposite. Stress doesn't usually make
me drink. In fact,
stress makes me, uh, overwhelmed and anxious. And I usually just want to, uh,
you know, do, uh, do
nothing. I usually, my appetite gets suppressed when I'm super stressed. I can't
really eat that.
You know, a lot of people said they stress eat. I do the opposite. And then for
me, I, I usually
love having a drink when I'm in a good mood, when things are positive or like
when we're going out
to eat and I'm excited, we'll go out and her and I'll have drinks. And it's
usually only then when
I'm stressed or I'm depressed or I'm down, luckily I never want the sauce
because it just sounds
annoying. It sounds exhausting. It sounds, I don't know. Cause I know it's not
going to make me happy.
So for some reason, if I'm bummed out, Oh, that's good. That's good. If you
have that,
do you have that, you have those abilities? I just like, but I often want to
have talking
shit and talking about sports and shit. That's all I did on the fucking road,
man. When I would go
on the rock, I would finish when I was working, you know, Verzee, Barnick, Lawhead,
Nate, Craig,
all of those guys. That's all I did. And I, and I hated going to the spot.
Like the club. I'd always feel like a fucking, you know, I just felt like a
loser. If I walked
in the club and everybody that was younger than me, I'm like, I felt like I
fucking stayed back
like 50 grades. And I was like, I got to get out of here. I love the fucking
dive bar.
Yeah.
With very quiet music. Back in my twenties, I liked that. I just wasn't into
that.
Sceney thing.
No, like I fucking hated myself. So I didn't want to go into this place where
everybody seemed
to be like in love with themselves. It was just reinforcing what I thought
about myself.
It's like, I'm going to go into this quiet fucking place where nobody's fucking
with me.
Right.
And, um, yeah, I was a big time nerd and I was into like seeing tourist
attractions and going
to ballparks and shit like that. But then somewhere along the line, you know, I
started drinking
like I was in the fucking, you know, trying to get into the rat pack somewhere
along the
line. You know, I started making a little money. Yeah. One time, you know, a
couple of times
out there, I think like three times I did the tour bus thing. Right. And, uh,
oh dude, that
was the funniest shit ever. So it's worth it. And what, you know what? It was
definitely
fucking worth it because it kept me and my friends out of trouble. Yeah.
Because that was
our club and no one was allowed in. We just, we would do the show. We would be
talking about
what we were going to do on the bus, what movie we were going to watch, what
sporting event.
Oh, and we would build the tours around sporting events.
You're just having sleepovers with your friends on the road.
Absolutely. We were all fucking married guys that are in relationships. So we
would fucking
like, dude, I did one, one, I did one run. We went to, we ended up at the
Kentucky Derby.
Oh, how fun.
Oh dude, that was great. And I ended up doing a show in Kentucky before, right
before the Derby.
And I had my seersucker suit with the bow tie and the little fucking music man
hat. And I was
thinking like, should I wear this on the show tonight? I'm going to fucking do
this.
So I put it on. Right. You know, and you know, those guys were all laughing
going,
Oh man, they're going to, they're going to go nuts when they see you. Right. So
I was standing in the
wings and I came out with Verzia Lawhead was bringing me up. And, uh, I think
it was Lawhead.
And I was like, all of a sudden I was standing there going like, Oh my God, was
this a dumb idea?
Am I in Orlando right now? And I'm going to come out with Mickey Mouse ears on
and expecting the
locals to be excited. Do they actually secretly hate the Kentucky Derby? Cause
it brings a bunch of
fucking Yahoo's in. And I was like, Oh no. I was like, well, too late now. And
I went out
and it was the initial clap. And then they took in the suit. It was one of the
best ovations I ever
got. They went fucking nuts. But then I had to keep it on. And eight minutes in,
I was like pouring
sweat. And I was finally like, guys, can I take this fucking hat off? I'm dying.