Name: Bill Burr - Perks Of Being German Irish
Uploaded: 2020-09-19T09:31:41.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Perks Of Being German Irish' from Comedy University on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-09-19. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Perks Of Being German Irish' from Comedy University on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-09-19. Transcript available.

-I'll get to the meal right now. Chicken parm.
-Oh, there you go. Look at you, dude.
Cadillac, chicken parm. I've always said this.
Bill Burr -- I've always said this.
This is -- Bill is the most Italian, non-Italian.
We've been on the road. This guy likes the mob movies.
He likes the food. Dude, me and Barton --
-The thing is, Paul, you don't give
German-Irish guys enough credit.
-Dude, I like schnitzel, dude.
I like schnitzel. I do. I do. I mean --
-Food is good food. And, you know,
the Irish aren't exactly -- and the Germans,
it's not like they haven't tried to mob up
here or there during history.
-Yeah. No, that's true.
No, but you -- I remember when me and Bartnick
introduced you to a garlic-filled olive.
-Fuck it. -Oh.
-You kept going. -I still buy 'em.
-Oh, yeah. We got 'em in Little Italy,
and Bill would keep going in the refrigerator.
We're like, you know what? Leave 'em for him.
'Cause we were like -- we just liked how much you liked it.
-Oh, yeah. -No.
-Three. -Three's the magic number with those.
You go any more than that, it's -- you did too much.
But one -- and they're like Doritos.
You can't stop eating them.
So what I do when I have 'em here in the house
is I put 'em on a plate, and I got to walk into the TV room.
So, you know, I don't want to get up and go back.
I can't bring the jar in. I'll finish it.
-See, I'm like that -- I'm like that with, like,
char provolone or cheese.
Like, I can't -- that's my thing.
I just keep eating it.
You just said something, though, about, like,
just paving over feelings or, like, walk it off.
Like, my grandparents in the '50s, like, if a family member drank,
my grandmother would go, "No, he didn't drink."
And everybody knew the guy -- everybody knew he drank.
Like, he drank. And she -- "No, no, it's fine.
Everything's fine."
There was never a problem in the family.
There was, like, never turmoil, where now it's, like,
this piece of shit, you know what?
He's one more chance, and he's out of here.
That wasn't the case.
-Yeah, there was no interventions back then.
-There was no -- no.
-You didn't intervene.
You mind your business.
-Well, you grew up, like, with --
is that German-Irish thing is, like, the deal with it, right?
The deal with it?
-Yeah. German people and Irish people,
I believe, were considered very stoic people.
Generally speaking, there's a coldness to us.
And I am a -- sort of a stereotype, where I just, like --
Like, my wife, she doesn't get, like --
Remember that shit where you were saying,
like, you had an Irish friend of yours,
and he could drink till 4:00 in the morning
and just wake up a couple hours later, go work?
-Yeah. -Not have a hangover.
He does have a hangover.
It's just he's so used to ignoring what he's feeling,
because no one cares in his immediate family
or wants to hear about it,
that it just becomes part of your day.
So, like, today, you know, I've been trying to sell this script
and stuff, and I was doing all these comfort calls,
and then, you know, I cleaned the whole house,
did all the bathrooms, had the grout thing,
went to the hardware store, did the laundry,
folded everything up, you know.
My wife's having a kid here in the next couple of weeks here,
so, like, don't think my wife's lazy or anything.
It's just -- I have to pick up the slack.
-Yeah. -Vacuumed the whole house.
Still got everything that I needed to get done.
Still played drums for 45 minutes today.
Still squeezed that in and made everybody dinner.
-Dude. -And she was going --
I forget what she said, but it always strikes me as funny when --
Oh, man, I can't believe you just blah, blah, blah.
It's like it's not really that big a deal,
because it'd be a bigger deal if you did it, Paul.
It's a big deal, because you're in touch with your feelings.
I'm not.
So, for me, it's just I know this needs to be done,
so I just go into robot mode.
Like, my back is fucking killing me.
Doing those -- washing all the fucking bathtubs and that shit.
Like, and, you know, my -- like, I didn't stretch.
I mean, oh, I'm old, man.
I can't fucking do that shit.
My back's killing me.
And, of course, she goes, are you all right?
You should probably sit down.
I was like, no, I'm fine.
My back was screaming at me.
And I remember vacuuming.
It just struck me as funny.
Like, why do I always say that?
-So, you -- like, so you're hiding --
like, not hiding feelings, but that --
you -- 'cause I noticed that about you.
You're a go -- you're -- like, you and my wife have this thing,
and she's got that -- she's German, Irish, Scandinavian.
And she's got that, like -- I mean, a big problem with me and her.
-Paul, we play hurt.
-No, no, yeah.
You -- you're one of those guys, every five seconds, you're in the locker room,
they're rubbing you down.
-In the game, I'll play.
In sports, I'll play.
But, yeah.
But one thing that Stacey's family -- and they'll probably hear this.
I don't -- I don't care.
But one thing that Stacey and I argued with one time was --
her family wasn't really good at hello and goodbyes.
Like, and I didn't -- I would ask her about that.
I would go, like, we fucking walked in, and, like, there was no, like,
"Hey, how you --" you know?
And she, like, was like, "Ah," you know, and I didn't like that.
It's like -- 'cause I grew up where it's like, "Hey, how you doing?
Get over here, you --" like, that's part of what I like.
I like to get in here.
We're going to drink all day, that type of thing.
Where with them, it was just, like, it took, like, a second
to warm up to get the hello, and it fucking bugged me.
-Yeah, I mean, it's just a different --
Yeah, you guys, "Hey, fucking Paulie's here."
We're all -- we're just sitting over there, like, "What's up?"
-Yeah, I'm like -- -You're in the fridge.
-This guy pissed at me?
Yeah, yeah. -Fucking two to two.
We'll give you a score.
You made me -- that one time, Stacy and I stayed with you back in the day,
and we would hear dishes and pots and pans at, like, 8:45,
and Stacy sat up, and she goes, "Are you going to go help him?"
And I was just like -- I was like, you know, we drank until 2:00.
We smoked cigars until 2:00, like, we're on his deck.
-Yeah, I know.
I've had a number of guys like you have stayed at my house,
and after a couple days, they go, "Dude, can you tone it down, man?"
-I was literally going, like, "I'm looking like an asshole right now."
And then you get up, and Bill's got, like, the kitchen clean,
and he's got, like -- you had scrambled eggs.
No, you had eggs over medium, which I fucking asked for.
You were, like, a host of all.
But, yeah, you're a guy that you don't like putting your feet up.
-No, I don't know how to do that.
And then, also, I'm a very difficult person to live with,
so I have to make it up in other areas.
Here's the deal, Paul.
If I did what you did around the house and was still wired like me,
I'd be divorced.
Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.