Name: Bill Burr - Its IMPOSSIBLE To Impress Your Wife
Uploaded: 2021-10-01T06:22:16.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Its IMPOSSIBLE To Impress Your Wife' from Comedy University on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-10-01. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Its IMPOSSIBLE To Impress Your Wife' from Comedy University on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-10-01. Transcript available.

the was there have you ever had a moment where you got a paycheck where you
kind of looked at
or like can you believe that oh yeah yeah but you know the deal dude they they
could be like
they they gotta play it they can't act overly impressed their whole fucking
thing oh oh oh let
me tell you a story real quick bill oh we're getting into it this week we're
getting into it
i did a i did a i did a gig in aspen it was for uh it was for a corporate i'd
never really done the
corporate and they gave me a check it was 25 000 to do the gig i was fucking
through the roof i was
like i was like this is it this is the money i've heard about like i was so
blown away and i came home
and i dropped it on the table in front of her and i was like what do you think
of that and she goes
well you gotta remember we only keep half of it and i went hold on like that's
not i just came home
with the fish you don't go well we do have to cut it and clean it and that'll
only feed us for three
days yeah i was so i was so defeated and angry about that that i was like hold
on like how big
is it gotta be what like what no do you know what you can't go emotion the move
there if you give a
the move there if you have to cut it off the clock if you want to waste your
adult life trying to fix
something that's unfixable the move there is to nod pick up the check or leave
it with her even better
play the martyr yeah and just say hey you know what i'm gonna go for a walk and
you go for a walk and you
let them think about it now the best that'll get you is a clarified apology
when you come back but you
cannot on any level expect the next time you show up you could have one for 30
000 that she's gonna be
like wow that's amazing and this is what i learned is it's not because they don't
love you it's because
they do love you and if you start walking around with this big dick fucking i'm
making 25 grand energy
you're gonna start attracting horse so what she has to do out of love for you
and her family is she has to
keep your ego where you where she needs you to be and where she can handle you
being so she can be
comfortable and you're going to be comfortable and there won't be any fights
dude it's a whole
making money dude when you weren't making money becomes the whole game within
the fucking game
and for all you young bucks out there who think that you're going to make a
certain amount of money
and then your life is going to get easy with the woman you're with that is the
biggest pipe dream
you're ever going to chase because it's they're going to take it off the table
don't throw it in my
face and whatever just happened is who the you are and what you have to answer
to you could literally
save a busload of kids from a burning bus you got the mesh gloves because you
burned your hands pulling
the last two out and you're a fucking hero all right god help you if you leave
the seat up that night
oh i used to have a joke about uh i would love to date a young woman not to not
to have sex with her
or not for the relationship just to impress her because it's so hard to impress
my wife
like i would love for a girl to be like wait we're going to cleveland this
weekend oh my god first
class tickets this is amazing oh my god you don't have to pay for drinks at the
bar oh this is so
cool oh they bring his chicken fingers oh my gosh yep well all right now in
defense this is what i
want to get out of this i want to hear from women that are in our situation
with the guy how they have to
play it because i got to be honest with you know when they sit there and they
go you know it takes
a really strong man to be with a woman that makes more money than he does and i've
had these debates
with nia i'd be i was like she goes could you handle that if i did that and i
was like i i don't think
i could i go i wouldn't like try to sabotage your career i would support you
and i wouldn't get out
of the relationship but what i would feel like then would be i would just feel
like an adult teenager
if you can make a baby and make more money than i can you've just made me
useless that would be
like if i made the money i made and i could have a baby and then you're
supposed to sit there as a
woman to be like and what i'm bringing to the table is i go yay yay you're
doing everything i just think
that like both men and women you want to feel like you know unless you're just
a lazy person
okay i i think that you want to feel like you're uh you're contributing so it's
really not about her
making more money it's about my guilt of like i'm just a fucking i'm useless i
mean i might as well
just still be in seventh grade like you want my driver's license can i at least
just ride my bicycle
the work yeah well i can feel like i don't know like i'm i'm somehow
contributing
oh my god