Name: Bill Burr vs Patrice O'Neal (What Actually Happened)
Uploaded: 2021-12-08T09:54:25.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr vs Patrice O'Neal (What Actually Happened)' from Comedy University on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-12-08. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr vs Patrice O'Neal (What Actually Happened)' from Comedy University on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-12-08. Transcript available.

yeah so anyway yeah one time there was this transvest and he patrice was
holding court
in front of the cellar and i believe he was kicked out of the cellar at that
point
but they couldn't stop him from hanging out there because upstairs there's a
restaurant
it was like this technicality and i think they also knew that if patrice hung
out at the boston
comedy club we all would have just done our sets and gone over to the boss
because you just you
had to be around them so he's sitting there and he's trashing everybody and all
of a sudden this
transvestite came down the street and i don't know what the fuck he said to her
but she just
stopped in her tracks and she was all about it and she got right in his grill
he was sitting down of
course as always and she was standing up uh he she whatever the fuck you say
and they just started
going at it and i remember one of the first ones she hit him with and she wasn't
scared at all
she hit him with like what he told us was an old street joke but she said that
he had so many spaces
between his teeth it looked like his tongue was in jail and we all were like
wow we all died laughing
right and patrice goes that's a stock line and he sized her up in two seconds
was like all right
so this girl she knows a bunch of fucking street jokes so what he did was he
threw like a light one
an easy one and then then he just like ali laid back on the ropes let her get
like her next three
fucking i'd memorize i bought a snaps book yeah and then he just started in on
her and fucking just
totally turned because i was like oh my god patrice is gonna lose to a fucking
transvestite
you know and then all of a sudden he turned it around and i'm telling you they
just went blow for
blow and like i'm telling you some of the funniest comics in new york at that
country at at that point
were some of the funniest ones in the country i feel and we became audience
members and we shut up
a comedian we all shut up and sat there and just watched them volley back and
forth and patrice
finally you know started turning the tide so she started walking away was still
running her mouth she
never quit but she left and i remember jeff ross looked at me and just shook
his head after it and
said that's the most unbelievable fucking thing i've ever seen and i was just
like it was one of the
things you saw it and as a performer you wish you did it yeah the same way you
saw eddie van halen
you'd listen to him play guitar and you'd be driving in your car fantasizing
that you were doing it
like or no no no no no uh the equivalent to any especially any comic listening
to this right now
is you and philly oh that's it that's one of those moments where i saw it and i
went i always said it
been me i would have never been able and that's one of that's one of that and
that's how performers
look at that shit that's one of the highest compliments so i i really uh i
really appreciate that
i'm telling you i i literally well if you want if you watch that that that if
you want just go
perform no no yeah right yeah just just go out yeah show show any sort of
weakness in the uh
any anywhere in philly but when you watch me when i yell at the dj like i'm
trying to fucking work
something out here yeah he was actually relaying something patrice said because
all the comics
came to the side of the stage and we're watching it by the end yeah um and he
he yelled out uh
invincible that's what he yelled out oh which would have been perfect because i
would have been
like you know you fucking eagles suck so bad some guy from a bar gets a tryout
on your team not only
gets a tryout he makes your fucking team and has an impact right like i could
have gone on forever but
yeah i didn't like i was so in attacking anything that talked to me yeah and i
always felt bad because
he was a dj and because he kind of pointed over patrice which was funny because
me and patrice
weren't really talking at that time because we had that big fucking battle on ona
because of that
that fucking idiot radio show yeah and that philly thing was the first time we
were backstage
we actually started like fucking talking again like friends because i heard
that i heard that
live that you and patrice you were on the phone right yeah yeah yeah yeah and
that's the worst
thing about the internet it was like a three-month fight in our relationship
but it lives on forever
yeah and people still ask me about that and it was just we were doing this guy's
show
and the guy was he was just the second i walked into the studio he was just
giving me shit and i was
thinking like like i remember i came walking in the studio and he was and he
was and they'd already
given me a water and uh so like one of the guys working on the show goes bill
anything uh anything
else you need or anything i was like no i got a water i'm good all i need is uh
some headphones
and he turns around goes we'll get you some cans we'll get you some cans who is
this guy uh don't
say because maybe i might be friends i don't want to all you got to do is
listen to the thing you'll
hear the fuck it is i don't name names right so then i was just like whoa and
he just kind of kept
coming at me like that so i thought it was like okay this guy thinks maybe i'm
coming in from new
york so i think i'm better than him yeah so i thought like this was some little
hazing thing
like okay this guy's gonna break my balls for a couple of breaks and once i
show that i have a
sense of humor about myself he's gonna warm up he never did and in the middle
of it patrice called in
you know and he accidentally cursed and i'm you know i'm i'm giving him shit
for for cursing or
whatever but i'm doing it more in like that cellar hanging out in front of the
cell you big stupid
edda yeah you know this isn't satellite radio blah blah blah and but then man
yeah i know yeah i know
yeah yeah i already said as soon as you said it i went yeah he he fucking hung
up on him and i didn't
realize he hung up on him but even then i was just looking like who gives a
fuck i didn't think it was
that big a deal um and the the episode ended like two three hours later the
episode ends and at the
end of the episode was right my hbo special came out and the guy was like on
the air trashing like
making fun of my special like so what do you got going on and i was like i got
a half hour coming
out on hbo and i just just came out on hbo and he goes really i haven't heard
anything about it
something like that and i was like well it's doing real well and he goes
whatever and it was one of
those things the second the show ends he goes hey did you have a good time and
it's just like yeah
man i had a great time all right see you next time fucking whatever what was
that yeah and um
and it was after it was after the episode that's when me and patrice got in
first got into a fight
because i i got off and all it was was a message going yeah that guy's a dick
man give me a call
so i called him up and uh i didn't realize that he was really upset by it so i
came at him in
cellar mode yeah and i was like yeah you know what it just kind of do this and
blah blah blah
and and then and i go hey hung up on your jackass or something and he was
really like a lot of people
don't know he was really a sensitive guy so that's what started off so then he
goes on opian anthony
and then that started the whole you don't tell me i taught you to do this and
then my ego goes what
you fucking taught me that trash people yeah fucking met you when i was 25 i
live in a quarter
and then it just was and it was literally like you know two fucking pit bulls
in a ring
oh my god
uh