Name: Bill Burr - My Investment Strategy
Uploaded: 2022-04-19T23:09:16.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - My Investment Strategy' from Comedy University on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-04-19. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - My Investment Strategy' from Comedy University on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-04-19. Transcript available.

how how's your relationship to money changed since you're now making money um i
try to
i try to remain debt-free so um there's no 401k for a comedian so i try and
i'm not into the stock market i'm not into banks i mean i play the game sort of
required to put a
certain amount into the 401k and then i just put it on the crap table right um
but my philosophy is
when i was investing was like all right i want to invest in companies that are
getting tangible
stuff like that whole pets.com crap like i never bought into that but if like
you were like you've
had a gold mine and you were digging for gold or you you know you you some sort
of agriculture it
just seemed like it was a you could you know whatever it was something real it
wasn't in the
air and or a philosophy but then after a while i just was kind of going all
right so i'm investing
in this we'll just say the gold you know uh the minor thing right company i'm
like at the end of it
i don't get any gold so this is stupid so then i was wanted to have something
tangible so like
to me it was obvious it's like buy a house so i bought a house and then i'm
just i've just paid
it down like an absolute madman and um you know it's very sparsely furnished um
and but like
the freedom i have of you know not having credit card debt because i've lived
like that and had it
hanging over my head and it used to wake me up at night and it was awful and
people would call and
where's our money and all that and i i hated it and something my brother told
me a long time ago he
goes you know what we were working at the same place and we're looking out over
this sea of cubicles
and he was just breaking it down like all these guys like we're working in the
warehouse and then
then they would get a position i want a position and then they would move out
to the carpeted cubicle
area and they buy their little you know shirt and tie and my brother would be
like what's the first thing
that they do and i was like you know what and he goes they go out and they buy
a new car and it's like
now you just change yourself to your desk you can't you can't leave and then he
goes and then also the
the average shithead gets a dollar an hour raise and they immediately start
spending two dollars more
an hour so they're just constantly chasing it and you're just behind the eight
ball i mean you're
just completely fucked you know if nobody teaches you those things or tells you
those things
it's like through student loans and a couple of credit cards and getting
yourself some transportation
you're like these kids today are so far behind the eight ball like like the
amount of money that they
they charge for college to go into this job market with no guarantee of any
sort of a job it's a
fucking ripoff like if i had a kid i'd be like look this is the way to do it go
two years to a junior
college you know pay a you know couple thousand for the year rather than 30 40
50 or whatever and then
transfer to the place that you want to have on your diploma and only pay two
years you get it for half
cost right there yeah and you're you're better off to like i think you're just
even better off just
going to vocational school you know you're better off meeting a bunch of smart
motivated people your
age that share a vision and you guys try to start something yeah you're you're
better off doing that
than going two years of a language major in this you know being in intern here
um not totally
shitting on i'm not trying to depress anybody that's that's on that track but
like i have empathy for
that but anyway so i did that and i resent it i think it was just a terrible
waste of my money it was
my brother also told me a great thing because he's always been great with money
and he said you know
what true wealth is it says going into a mall being able to buy anything and
then you don't and you just
walk out and like those are the like the lessons that you know stuck with me it's
why i drive a prius
i mean part of it the reason why i did the prius is because i fly every other
weekend i've literally
put my own hole in the ozone layer so i had to do something and i saw enough
people in these flashy cars
you know you got a car that can go 180 miles an hour and you're in bumper to
bumper traffic with me
so um i would rather you know i have one tv people always give me it's not big
enough for my living
room because it's the one that i had when i had a one bedroom apartment but it's
it's paid for and it
it fucking works what am i supposed to do throw it out so like those are those
are the things like
you know but because i've done that like today i don't have to work i can go
play drums and go see a
movie yeah and if you're if you're young and you're listening to this i implore
you to go down
that road because if you could tell from the last hour i am not the brightest
guy i am not a well-read
guy i went after a passion but you you can have that life like dude having a
life like living as debt
free as you can being able to go to the movies whenever you want to is about as
free as it gets
unless you get to that eyes wide shut level where you're going to the cloak and
dagger move you know
like it's really it's as close to a utopia as you can get to right yeah so then
i do all this geeky
like learn how to make pasta from scratch learn how to cook learn you know
drums i play hockey it's a
my life is a joke like i just feel like if there is a higher power they're
looking down either laughing
or just shaking their head like what if this kid isn't doing anything i think i
think the ultimate
goal of every adult is how do you get back to being a kid you know which is
like you know playing drums
and seeing movies and don't listen i remember when i when i was first i was
just going to get into radio
and i remember i went to the meat store went to the butcher with my mom and uh
she mentioned you know he's
like he's like so what is your son doing you know but doing that whole thing
and i was just it was
mentioning that you know i was majoring communication i wanted to get in radio
and the guy was like you
know i don't know i'm returned around he's like everybody wants to be the star
like walking away
and i'm just looking at this guy with his bloody apron talking to me like he
had the keys to true
happiness now he might he might have i mean that was owned by their brothers
and they worked side by
side they saw each other and they cut up pork chops all day sure maybe they
that was their maybe that
was their dream but like i don't think that he found his dream in life because
he was shitting
on mine and i don't think a truly happy person does that or he could have been
truly happy and was
so drunk with his happiness he couldn't figure out why i didn't want to jump
over the counter i think
he was just put on a bloody apron and cut up veal with him yeah i think he's
probably just jealous
in other words like if that works out for you and if it doesn't work out like i
took it i took it as a
townie bar comment yeah hey don't forget where you came from no matter what you
accomplish you know
better than me you're right here like that those and those for more young
people listening or you
know any person listening like those are the people you need to cut out of your
life yeah like the
beginning of a cancer yeah you catch it in time you got to catch it in time
with those people i swear
to god if they're in your ear they could literally like i have a i have a
philosophy that the the next
jimmy hendrix you know hasn't come because maybe he's surrounded by the wrong
people and is driving
a forklift at home depot it's probably true yeah you know yeah they're like
yeah don't be it's stupid
it's a dumb dream keep keep your mind on the price and get a real job
oh my god