Name: Bill Burr - Stand Your Ground When Arguing With Your Laydee
Uploaded: 2022-06-22T16:00:16.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Stand Your Ground When Arguing With Your Laydee' from Comedy University on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-06-22. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Stand Your Ground When Arguing With Your Laydee' from Comedy University on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-06-22. Transcript available.

My wife wouldn't have a problem with that.
Really?
Yeah, no.
We have a very healthy, fucked off, like, sort of dynamic.
Like when we go to parties, you know, when it's a couple's parties, we
immediately just
walk in different directions.
I go hang, talk sports with somebody.
She goes over there, occasionally we hook up.
Hey, how you doing?
It's going on.
All right.
What do you want to get out of here?
Like, what, another hour?
All right, see you.
Really?
Then we come back around.
It's very healthy.
Because often a lady would think, why aren't you talking to me?
Why aren't you standing next to my side the whole time?
Because we live together.
Yeah.
That's right.
They don't think about that.
Nah.
Well, not all of it.
I'm saying, I'm not generalizing.
I'm saying there is a large majority.
Look, there's certain events where if we don't know a lot of people, then you're
sort of like,
okay, so I need somebody to look at.
Buddy up.
Yeah, so then you're like that.
But if we go and it's a bunch of our friends, we just break out.
Like, I mean, one time she had a friend of hers, had a birthday party, and it
was like a 1920s
or 30s theme or something, and everybody had to get dressed up like they were
in their
20s and 30s.
And she goes, do you want to do that?
And I'm like, no.
No, I don't.
She goes, why not?
I go, that sounds horrible.
I don't want to do that.
And there's a playoff game.
The Celtics were in it.
And I was like, I want to watch that.
And I was driving her to work.
And she just, she tried every fucking manipulating technique.
Women are masters at it because they can't physically beat the shit out of you,
you know,
at least most of them.
So she tried everything.
She literally, she goes, she's a friend of yours.
I go, no, she isn't.
She's your friend.
I know her because she's your friend.
We don't hang out together unless you drag me to some shit that she's doing.
I was sick last week.
She didn't even know it.
She doesn't have my phone number.
We're not friends.
So she got all mad.
And I'm just like, this is ridiculous what you're doing right now.
She goes, how is it ridiculous?
It's like, because you fucking hate football.
And if I invited you to football and you didn't want to go, I would never make
you sit through
three hours of that shit.
Dressed like a linebacker.
I couldn't sit there knowing you weren't having a good time.
And what it ended up doing, it boiled it down to, she was just like, look, if
every other
woman goes there and they bring their boyfriend and, you know, I don't, I'm
going to feel stupid.
Like you don't care about me because you didn't show up and blah, blah, blah.
So we made a truce.
I said, all right, here's the deal.
First of all, I'm not fucking dressing up.
And then second of all, the game starts at eight.
So I'm leaving there no matter what.
I don't care if they're cutting a cake and in the middle of singing the song, I'm
out of
there, 705.
She goes, deal.
So that was the deal.
So she dressed up, I didn't, and I showed up.
And then I broke off and I was talking to all these guys who were dressed like
fucking
Charlie Chaplin.
And they're just like, how come you didn't dress up?
Like, I just didn't feel like doing it.
And then afterwards I was like, all right, man, I'm out of here.
Like, wait, go watch the NBA finals.
And there was a couple like, basically going, how do you do that?
And it's like, because you know why?
Because I've been you.
It's not like I came walking in and figured this out.
I've fucked up enough in a relationship that I have been you.
So any young guy who's listening to this shit, what it is is you have to have
that healthy
argument where you don't go, fuck you, you fucking bitch.
You don't do that.
You just defend your point.
You don't insult them.
And then you just try to boil it down to like, why, why is this so important to
you?
Yeah.
And, and then even if they tell you why it's important to you, if it's a
bullshit reason,
you just, you just be like, you can still be like, yeah, well, it's not
justified enough.
Why are you being so mean?
And it's just like, so, hey, this is, I'm taking notes.
Yeah.
So, and then they'll get that thing.
It's like, what?
So if we do what I want to do, that means I'm mean.
But if I always do what you want to do, that means I'm a good guy.
Does that sound like a healthy relationship?
Imagine if that was flipped.
And if you're with the right person, a mature fucking adult, like we ended up,
it was such
a great argument.
It was the whole fucking way to work.
And by the end of it, we were laughing our asses off and just had a great time.
And, and, and I was just like, ah, now get the fuck out of here.
And she goes, she's like, all right, asshole.
And she left.
And just like, that's when I knew I was with like the right, but you can have,
despite all
of horse shit I've said in my act, the horrible things I've said, not horrible,
I feel accurate,
but definitely one-sided things that you can actually, you can, you know, you
can have
somewhat of a decent relationship with.
Oh my God.