Name: Bill Burr - THIS Is Why I Stopped Fighting
Uploaded: 2022-10-01T22:56:37.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - THIS Is Why I Stopped Fighting' from Comedy University on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-10-01. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - THIS Is Why I Stopped Fighting' from Comedy University on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-10-01. Transcript available.

I thought it was great and I thought and that was what made me think you know
Bill would go out in
the audience and punch a guy out if no I've never crossed that line never I am
I don't know I've
never had a fight ever had to leave like the back door of a club no I've
definitely had to do that
but I'm saying like I have you know I've worked a lot of my anger issues but I
two reasons why I
never when I when I'm once a big once I got past a certain age I'd kind of
knocked off the fighting
one was I was I was smaller than other people I didn't get my growth spurt
until later and then
you know I saw enough fights where I was just like you know you're either the
guy on top or the guy on
the bottom and uh you know you're rolling the dice and they're beyond the
bottom line it was like I
don't really want to hurt anybody like I saw guys like I know guys to this day
they did shit that
they still regret I know a guy who fucking hit somebody in the face with a
bottle and the guy
got a scar from here to here and it was just like I don't want to be the guy
with the scar and I don't
want to like I didn't want to like tap in to how angry I was I didn't want to
tap in to go down that
road of either getting my fucking the living shit kicked out of me the very
first fight or five down
the road you just you knew it was coming because I you know I hung out with a
lot of maniacs and like I
eventually the toughest guy just took that life-altering ass kick and I was
just like
I don't want to uh you know I I I don't want to you know I I have it's weird I
I have control of my
rage in a lot of ways and I I didn't want to see how deep it went and I didn't
want to see how deep
somebody else's went and it was the smartest fucking move I ever made I avoided
a lot of court things I
still have all my own teeth um I remember one time when I was living in New
York and they they
would they picked up this guy arrested this guy who had just bludgeoned two old
people to death to
steal their fucking money in like Massachusetts and they fought you know what
he was doing he was
handing out the flyers for those double-decker buses in New York and that was
just one of those things
like you you like hey fucking flyer guy go fuck yourself you have no idea who
this guy is and he
just bludgeoned two old people to death and it's uh you know that was very
intimidating to me so I mean
I'm not saying that I don't feel like I could win a fight but I don't want to
run into that the double
decker bus guy I always had that in my head and I knew that um you know I
started comedy early enough
and I always had something to lose and my parents were smart enough to instill
that in me so I didn't
so I I what it would take for me I'm not even gonna put that out there what it
would take because then
somebody's gonna fucking try it I I don't want to have that I don't you know
right I was in the
court system briefly briefly when I was younger for some punk shit or whatever
and just just having
my toe dipped in it what the fucking nightmare that it is to be sitting there
as uh the potential
defendant is just something you just don't want it in your life so yeah I spent
a weekend in jail
when I was 19 in Little Rock Arkansas for an open container of beer and I've
since then I would
never do like you obviously had nobody to call that you spent that long in jail
yeah fucking open
container that should have been like your buddy comes down to your dad at like
fucking three hours
but just that experience made me like I would never do like a serious crime
like fuck jail and
all that no I I never would but I have an anger in me that feels like I could
make a shank
and stick it in somebody's neck I feel like I'm angry enough to do that but my
thing is dude
I'm just too slow I always had good hand-eye coordination I could catch and
shit but I'm just
I took some self-defense classes like you could literally tell me what punch
you're gonna throw
at me he's still gonna hit me because I'm just I don't know if it's because my
head's too fucking
big I just can't get it out of the way in time so I always had to do the the
bull rush and try to
take it to the ground but uh yeah I'm no Joe Rogan trust me man that guy that
guy's the real deal
*Sings* Oh my god! Uh-uh-uh. Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh.