Name: Bill Burr - How To Buy A Car Without Getting Scammed (Part 1 of 2)
Uploaded: 2023-05-22T11:52:58.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - How To Buy A Car Without Getting Scammed (Part 1 of 2)' from Comedy University on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-05-22. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - How To Buy A Car Without Getting Scammed (Part 1 of 2)' from Comedy University on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-05-22. Transcript available.

what do i do when i walk in okay okay how should i walk how should i dress i
want to know how i go
onto this lot and get because i know i'm going to get because they have to make
their money i'm
trying to get like you know i'm not trying to get gang you don't have to get i
know i got to give
it up i don't okay you don't have to give this is what you got to do all right
okay now first
things first how's your credit my credit is outstanding sir it's outstanding it's
outstanding
then you're all set if your credit is outstanding then you have one of two
options i have one issue
with bally's total fitness but uh oh we we we fixed that any columbia house
issues back in the day
pad pan and tarcidi all right gotcha cassette tape that i did not yes oh that's
not really a penny you
know um yeah no but the uh if you have good credit okay first of all i would
recommend to anyone to
finance through a credit union first or like elon or something like that don't
finance through the
dealership because why don't finance the dealership because you only want to
deal with one variable
with the dealership the price of the car you don't want to deal with monthly
payments with
like down payments with this with then then they're pulling a train on you
right you're
pulling a train and the other guy comes in he lubes up his and then now he's in
there exactly okay
so if you finance through the dealership that's like somebody's coming in for
sloppy that's when
you can get i'm not saying completely don't i'm saying try to avoid it if you
say you have great
credit which you do sometimes the dealerships will say wow we'll give you two
percent or we'll give
you 1.5 my response there should be well you you buddy well you want it in
writing man no actually
sir thank you for offering that i gotta be better at this thank you for
offering that i'm gonna go
through my own credit union you don't have to kiss their ass these guys are scumbags
man i don't know
how to do it either way i do everything 100 just say thanks for not being a i
would just say that
literally writing this down to put that sake of the snoop dogg uh approach to
buy a car stick man suck my
man your financing can lick my balls
yo two percent and the other people in the showroom who are buying cars
your loan officer is a prick yeah sorry man i don't know no no no it's good it's
good i don't know if
you saw that clip um say salesman he's got it down no no it's great everything's
good you're still
gonna buy so i walk in all right don't go so you go through their their credit
union this is my own
this is what you do you go online you figure out what car you want to buy
before you even go to
the dealership right then you go online and you find out how much this car's
this car is being sold
you print up copies of this how do i do that okay i go on there within two
seconds i'm watching a slap
fight on youtube right so you have to you have to guide me you go on you find
out how much it costs
where do i what do i go to that these honestly top secret gm not nothing like
that nothing like that
honestly if you put any many make model of a car a billion dealership websites
are going to pop up
and you find out all these prices so you come armed with that stuff you have
that right there
should i come in with a manila envelope would that scare you as a salesman if i
started pulling out
papers going well according to my facts if bill burke came in with a trapper
keeper i'd be scared
according to wikipedia all right so so you find out so you so how do well first
of all man i want to be
able to drive the car to figure it out so should i go jerk someone around first
and drive a couple of
cars okay if you're gonna do that that's perfectly fine uh the bet you're in
the best scenario because
you're not trading in a car you don't own a car now you're you're golden they
love when they see
someone trading because that's when they get screwed that's when they can steal
your keys well for the
people who are listening how what how do they do how do they it's like a little
shell game right oh
it's exactly because they make you think like wow he's giving me eight grand
for this hunk of
it's totally and then i got this winnebago for 180 grand don't ever ever trade
in at a dealership
never ever do that sell your car privately it's a pain in the ass to sell your
car privately so many
more steps it's so hard how does this scam work how does this scam work they're
gonna they're gonna pay
you they're gonna pay you so much less with the shell game like you said they're
gonna they're gonna say
that they're offering you you know
10 15 grand for your car but then they're gonna lump it all together and then
they're just gonna move it around these finance that these guys are finance wizards
they're gonna move it all around make it look like you got that much money time
out time i'm i've talked to
car salesman no offense to you but these people are not wizards no they're not
the finance guys the finance guys the salesman the salesman aren't at all the
salesman
My brother used to be in sales and he hated car salesman he used to look at
them like
how we look at like a prop comic right he hated like they they were just right
above like a shoe salesman
the um tell the thing about uh
the keeping your keys you were telling me yeah this is the biggest I worked for
a huge scam company
the company I worked for since got closed down because they had horrible
practices one of the things they used to do is
people would come in
they'd look around the car and they'd be like yeah i'm kind of interested in
that and the sales manager would say hey you know
why don't you take it why don't you give us your keys so we can take a look at
your car for trading and a guy would say a guy would say
a guy would say well i'm not i don't really want to trade in my car i want to
give it to my daughter or my niece or i want to sell it privately
he's like yeah you know you never know we could give you you really don't know
so we take the keys
and like the guy would go look for it for two seconds and then the guy wouldn't
want the deal
and he'd be like all right i'm out of here give me my keys and be like oh we
don't have your keys your keys are in the garage
your keys are here your keys are there and meanwhile the sales people will be
continue to stroke this guy
and so many times like they'd they'd bring in like a more hot shot salesperson
on him and he'd roll out of the car
you gotta go steven seagal you just gotta start beating people up like dude
give me my give me my
you can say you can say they let you say then yeah absolutely didn't did any i
mean how many people
uh what how many out of ten people that you would do that to would go don't
quit me give me my keys right
now and then they'd have to just go okay very few people would do that the
thing is is if you say
don't don't quit me give my keys are you getting your keys immediately i would
say if you say don't
with me give me my keys yeah as you probably get how could you not see that
scam going on how could
you be that numb that you wouldn't see what was happening i don't know is it
true too like i had
another buddy that was a car salesman and he he told me about the devaluing of
the trade-in where
they would call the the main office or whatever and talk about the trade-in and
he said everything
that your every attribute that your car had he would just go yes so they do
this question and
answer thing so the guy on the other in the phone i'm on the phone you're
trading in the guy on the
other phone goes does it have an air conditioner yep does that yep but anytime
he said does it have
something it doesn't have like does it have a cd player uh no it does not have
a cd player and he
would he would emphasize everything it didn't have on you know out loud to make
you feel self-conscious
about your car and make it feel like it was more of a pieces you know what i
mean that's a good scam
but if he did but if it did have something you just glaze over it and i was
like wow that's such a
dude that's filthy it is it's it's rough it's rough um what's the biggest like
and after what's what's
the biggest like when you sold a car uh what's the hardest you have of somebody
like how much money
it's the most amount of money that you made um the one of the worst things i
ever did the one of the
things i feel really you know about um all right he's not even making eye
contact i'm gonna love
this story all right it's really bad is this gonna be what keeps you out of
heaven yeah yeah this guy
came in here he was in his mid-20s and he had an older uh thunderbird right an
older thunderbird and
he wanted to get a brand new mustang right he wanted to get a brand new mustang
jt the whole the
whole thing and anyway so this guy he was up he was upside down brand new this
is his dream i like
how you had a little attitude yeah yeah well this guy was upside down on his
trade meaning that he owed
he owed more money on this thunderbird that he had than that was worth right
right so he was screwed
right so he couldn't get him in this mustang no way so what my dealer told me
to tell him what my
manager told me to tell him he says listen tell him tell him if he gets a co-signer
right we can put
him in a um an escort he drives it around for six months comes back and gets
his mustang of course
that's right because you tell him yeah you drive it around for six months your
credit's gonna go up
because you co-signed so what he ended up doing was he he brought his
grandmother down there right
his grandmother co-signed on the loan was her hand shaking oh it was ridiculous
it was ridiculous
i felt horrible his grandma was there co-signing on this loan right and so now
for six months he's
making payments on this thunderbird as well as this escort thinking he's going
to get good credit
and from what i'm told in a lot of these scenarios oftentimes they don't even
process the co-sign loan
so wait a second he didn't even trade in the thunderbird he kept the thunderbird
he said yeah just
that my manager's like yeah just make two car payments but the thing is he wasn't
making two
car payments it was on his grandmother's name he was just a co she was a co-signer
oh see i totally
missed that yeah so so what happened did he come back in six months so i i mean
i apparently i didn't
deal with him in six months but apparently he he came back and said he must
have came back in six
months that's funny that's like that chick you've been said you were going to
call her and you don't
then all of a sudden she just runs into you in like a club be like oh god yeah
yeah there's that
here we go oh jesus hey here we go hey i'm going to lunch man you handle this
one i remember uh i got
a job at a uh at a movie theater and it was so like diabolical because i was
you know you go to
the movies and it's like everybody complains about the prices everything so i
was i was there the first
night and i'm in the back and the guy showed me how to make the pretzels with
cheese dip whatever
and he's like hey you just take a spoonful of these pretzel nuggets and throw
them in the thing
and i was like i was like is that enough how many goes hey dump to it i don't
give a you'd have to
buy a whole bucket of this to get what you're paying for out there these idiots
right i was like
i was like jesus christ man like wow it's so funny man when you just compared
pretzels at the
movies from getting over making two car payments that's that was a that was a
nice little segue there
had to co-sign with an analogy yeah to go down and buy a dr pepper
oh my god