Name: Bill Burr - Patrice O'Neal Had The Best Game Evaaah
Uploaded: 2023-07-21T20:22:54.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Patrice O'Neal Had The Best Game Evaaah' from Comedy University on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-07-21. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Patrice O'Neal Had The Best Game Evaaah' from Comedy University on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-07-21. Transcript available.

most like most of my friends that are comics most are are at best okay and
usually awkward or bad at
talking to women yeah a lot of comics most comics are yeah yeah yeah that's
usually like guys that
came up weren't no no I can't Patrice it was ridiculous Patrice could actually
insult them
all the way into the bedroom it's so they would just be walking and going I
know I know you're
right but those are the broken girls and broken girls you can always manipulate
sure listen don't
right no let me tell you it's still work yeah it's just something that women
won't understand
because you guys don't have to convince people to have sex with you no the
great things yeah but
like uh Bobby Kelly back in the day phenomenal at talking to chicks phenomenal
really phenomenal like
there were legends in New York I was not part of that you were not in the edgling
crew no dude come
on I run I look like Ron Howard it was like I just always have to work but uh
there was yeah there
was I don't yeah I don't want I don't want to like you know but Patrice Patrice
I had heard about
I mean even a few years ago about his uh you know I mean I knew he was gifted
obviously I mean hear him
here's stand-up on shows but I heard stories about him with women about how
amazing yeah
it was ridiculous it made no sense and he was he he was so good at making them
uncomfortable that they
ignored all of his imperfections that were just right in front of their face
like yeah one time
we were sitting I know I've told this I think I told this one on Opie and
Anthony uh we were sitting
down the cellar this was one of his classics and there was three women they
were excited and it was
a loud bar and they were talking so you know women when they talk loud they're
going yeah and he just
he just yelled over at one he's like ma'am miss ma'am ma'am and she finally
looks over she's gorgeous
and he goes and she looks she's like what and he goes your voice she goes is it
loud and he goes
it's piercing and and we just started laughing at her and it took her a second
to regroup and I don't know
what happened five minutes later all three of them gorgeous are standing around
Patrice and he has them
auditioning to see who has the best phone sex voice and they're doing it
because he had them all convinced
that despite how they looked their their voices were so annoying that most guys
actually secretly didn't like
them wanted them to shut up and didn't want to hear their opinions yeah and
they bought into that
yeah and next thing you know they're trying to prove to him that they can be
sexy and they were like
you know they were all nines yeah like in a nine in new york too yeah yeah yeah
super smoke yeah so
that was uh incredible I saw my time walked up to a girl and she was she was
gorgeous and she had this
little scar on her forehead and he comes walking up with his big stupid finger
she was sitting down
and he goes I like that and he pointed right at her scar and she was like mortified
and in that and that's just how we would you just started off balance with him
yeah and then he just
kept pushing your shoulder at verbally every time you'd start to regain your
footing he would find
something else and he would just trash you for an hour and then you loved him
yeah no some nights you
hated him you wanted to you literally wanted to kill him like he would make you
so many would start
laughing at you it was brutal I beat him once in 20 years of knowing him and it
at the game one time
which is inevitable I mean it's inevitable at least once you're gonna win yeah
I just got him we were
on the phone it was a three-way call me him and Bobby I think and I was using
all of his techniques
which which made him mad yeah and then he was off his game he didn't talk to me
for like three days
he was so upset but uh but it was literally like you know they want to only
drag some idiot out of the
stands and he hits a half court shot sure you drag enough idiots out there
eventually someone's gonna
hit it yeah um that's basically what happened but other than that I think yeah
so I was basically
one in 17,000 conversations with him no he pounded yeah we used to gang up on
him and he could still
we like gang up on him and you'd get him for a little bit it's just like uh I
can't it's like
one of those video games you just can't defeat unless you go online and you get
the cheats the cheats
where we would we would gang up on try to gang up on him and yeah and he yeah
he would still
effortlessly and then what would you'd hope you'd have solidarity with the
person that you ganged up
on and then he would get he'd get you with something and then your friend just
had to start laughing at
you and then you were done then you were done and then they wanted patrice to
stop trashing them
so then they would pile on with patrice and then it was brutal so then you'd
have to try to get it off
you onto somebody else and you just yeah that's so awful it sounds terrible no
it made us better
we used to go downstairs at the cellar and they would be upstairs and you'd
have some new bit
and somebody would hate your joke like keith would hate it or patrice would
hate it it just as long
as one person hated it they would bring it up and start saying how awful a joke
it was and then
everybody would pile on and then you have to be like fuck you i'm still doing
the joke and then you'd go
downstairs to do the joke and everyone would be standing staring at you during
your set dude and
it was uh it was brutal and even if you committed and it got the joke got a
laugh patrice had a laugh
that was so loud he could shut the crowd up yeah and he knew when to laugh he
just knew what he was
doing yeah he uh he was he was a nightmare yeah yeah yeah he was a nightmare i
loved him to death but
he when he was on you it was a fucking nightmare and it didn't yeah it didn't
end when you went on stage
right it was jesus yeah well that's why we look at all these fucking people now
like i can't even
relate to them like this whole new the new thing it's like nobody trap i mean i
feel like this old
guy like hey you know we used to give each other shit oh yeah it wasn't
supportive but it was supportive
because you were uh no you're helping each other out with that yeah for sure
well that certainly made like
somebody heckling you after that point of sitting there having norton keith voss
and patrice on your
ass at the same time and then kevin hart came along if you had all five of them
trashing you like when
you went on stage and somebody heckled you was hilarious yeah because that you
you just don't with
fucking five of the professionals professionals yeah yeah that's so
professionals yeah that's what
you're describing is so foreign to me in comedy there were there were comics
who literally avoided
going to the cellar just because of that or they would they would just go
downstairs and do their
set and then they leave they wouldn't go upstairs to the table really yeah and
the whole table came
about i think because of patrice because patrice got kicked out of the club so
we loved him so much
we just would go where he was so he would be like in front of the club so we
would all just go outside
and uh they didn't know how to deal and i remember they were telling him he had
to leave and he was
just like oh else what he's like you'll never ever ever never play this club he's
like he's like i'm
already kicked out of here motherfucker you know so we were all just laughing
so then they got kicked
out of the club though like out of the cellar the cellar kicked him out why i
forget why i forget
why he just for being patrice right yeah okay and in defense of them they were
probably right on a lot
of levels so he got kicked out so but you know he was he was the he was the guy
he was he held court
so it's just so he was sitting out in front of the place so instead of hanging
out up there we were
then outside and then we were being loud the loudness was now out there and
people were walking by and
they were trying to bark and i don't know if they thought it was a bad idea so
then what they did
then they let him back in the club because because they realized they didn't
have any power once they
kicked him out he was out there like what else he's gonna do it it's like a guy
was a life like a life
with no parole he just stabbed someone in the shower what are you gonna stick
me in the really stick me
in the cell you know yeah so oh and he would be shitting all over him and we
would laugh our ass off so
then they let him back in the club and then then that's when they came up with
the table because they
were trying to contain it to keep it it was it was hilarious it's like they put
us on time out and
when they didn't this is your table you got a place to sit and all that stuff
they would probably argue
that this isn't true but i'm convinced of it so then we we sat down back there
and then it became
then it was epic because then manny rest his soul was still alive loved to
argue in politics and that
type of stuff and then him and patrice would go at it and you had this guy who
was just the greatest
ever at making fun of your head and your shirt and all your and then with a guy
who was an
unbelievably well-read guy and they would talk about world events so you had
this guy you know
it was just they were just epic battles and and and then that's when the the
whole thing kind of took
off and like a tough crowd came out of that oh right yeah everybody got giraldo
was there giraldo
colin quinn nick d'apallo jim norton rich voss patrice o'neill keith robinson
bobby kelly it was insane
and if you came down there and you wore the wrong shirt it was fucking over it
was it was over
i remember one time keith wore the wrong shirt and we got him on so we start we
just started to get on
him so bad he stood up and he ran out of the club and i was so fucking mad i
was like you can do that
i didn't think you could do that i thought you just had to sit here and take it
um you make it sound so much more fun than anything i've experienced doing so
it's so
business depressing here i remember when jim norton came down when he he had
his his first cd
he goes hey i got me a new cd and somebody said hey let me take a look at that
and they just broke
it in half he threw it on the ground poured a bunch of drinks on it and it was
just and he
he laughed his ass i would have died if somebody he laughed that was the uh
that was it was really
childish yeah yeah god forbid you were standing anywhere with something in your
hand it was going
to get slapped out of your hand that's right cell phones bag of chips anything
yeah and it was it was
always funny it was so stupid sure it was always funny what i was saying is
what you you what you're
describing doesn't take me in my mind in my experiences to the world of stand-up
that takes
me to like middle school high school that feels like all the shit that i would
do and did with
friends in school but in my uh oh no it was it was experience it was immature
as hell and it never
never stopped that's all be sitting at home and you'd pick up the phone and you'd
just pick it up
and it would just be like somebody had someone else on three-way and you'd be
sitting at home and they
would just trash you about something i don't know what i'm one night patrice
took a night off and
everybody found out that he took a night off and i think norton and somebody
else called and they
called him at home at like between their spots at like 9 30 at night he picked
up the phone
and they just what the fuck are you doing home at 9 30 on a saturday and he
just started roaring
laughing and they trashed him for like 10 minutes and just hung up on him that's
great
so i think that's a really good way i think as comics we're all inherently
angry and sometimes
jealous and hate each other i think our generation we just talk shit behind
each other's backs as
opposed to it's just to be like fuck you piece of shit and then you get it out
like matt fulcheron
said that musicians are united by the bands they like they have in common
comics are united by the
comedians they hate right yeah that's pretty accurate it was a lot of fun but i
also in all
of that we didn't write we always laugh we didn't write one script we didn't
pitch one show so the
funniest guys i ever met yeah i ever met like they they were uh they were
unreal patrice was the king
like you walked in if he wasn't there you were relieved and there were nights
when you were on a
roll and you know you were you were killing someone at the table and then he
starts walking in
like your heart would sink like oh fuck here we go here we go here we go now
now it's the real deal
dad's home you know yeah yeah man we don't have that at all here eddie if said
the funniest thing
one time he goes dude he goes sometimes like i'll come walking into the cellar
and he goes i'll be he
would just as he walked in patrice would be killing at the table and then just
see
eddie come in it'd be like and just start yelling over at him he said and eddie
said that i would
literally think fuck he saw me yeah yeah yeah no he used to do i remember when
the old boston comedy
club one night he was trashing people so well there was a firehouse right next
door and the guys you
know if there wasn't a fire they'd just be hanging out there and they would die
and laughing after an
hour of patrice trashing everybody taking on all comers one of the firemen went
up patrice and said
good good set it was awesome like he got such a kick out of that like he was uh
standing outside
that was right around the corner from uh which is now like a fucking wine bar
or something
jesus christ i'm old no that's fucking that's uh and one of the funniest things
by the way because we
have a lot of obviously stand-up fans god damn his his uh original hbo half
hour is
fucking amazing patrice it's so good and he's got that he's got the showtime he's
got the showtime
one and then he's got the elephant in the room he's got mr p yes mr p
everything's great but uh the
great thing about watching that um that hbo half hour is that it's all like
every bit starts
with like provoking unlikable statements and like you could tell it's not an
audience it's like we're
on board with whatever you say he says something and they're like huh and then
he kills with that
like he says something that they're not like necessarily in agreement with and
then destroys
the room and then that bit ends he says something else and they're like and
then fucking kills with
that it's amazing he's fucking no totally totally amazing he probably made the
most people cry
from stage i've ever really yeah he would just he just relentless with when he
got on somebody i bet
right like when no but he wasn't malicious though right that was the thing he
wasn't like he never
went after anybody like in the crowd that but if somebody was annoying him it
was it was it was over
and they uh that's one of the things i i miss most about him is is is that
experience of getting to
see somebody meet him for the first time and just you know they always thought
all right he's this big
dude they always are looking for him to get physical so they never saw you know
that he was going to
come at them the way he did and he would all right oh it was hilarious
oh my god

Bill Burr - Patrice O'Neal Had The Best Game Evaaah

most like most of my friends that are comics most are are at best okay and
usually awkward or bad at
talking to women yeah a lot of comics most comics are yeah yeah yeah that's
usually like guys that
came up weren't no no I can't Patrice it was ridiculous Patrice could actually
insult them
all the way into the bedroom it's so they would just be walking and going I
know I know you're
right but those are the broken girls and broken girls you can always manipulate
sure listen don't
right no let me tell you it's still work yeah it's just something that women
won't understand
because you guys don't have to convince people to have sex with you no the
great things yeah but
like uh Bobby Kelly back in the day phenomenal at talking to chicks phenomenal
really phenomenal like
there were legends in New York I was not part of that you were not in the edgling
crew no dude come
on I run I look like Ron Howard it was like I just always have to work but uh
there was yeah there
was I don't yeah I don't want I don't want to like you know but Patrice Patrice
I had heard about
I mean even a few years ago about his uh you know I mean I knew he was gifted
obviously I mean hear him
here's stand-up on shows but I heard stories about him with women about how
amazing yeah
it was ridiculous it made no sense and he was he he was so good at making them
uncomfortable that they
ignored all of his imperfections that were just right in front of their face
like yeah one time
we were sitting I know I've told this I think I told this one on Opie and
Anthony uh we were sitting
down the cellar this was one of his classics and there was three women they
were excited and it was
a loud bar and they were talking so you know women when they talk loud they're
going yeah and he just
he just yelled over at one he's like ma'am miss ma'am ma'am and she finally
looks over she's gorgeous
and he goes and she looks she's like what and he goes your voice she goes is it
loud and he goes
it's piercing and and we just started laughing at her and it took her a second
to regroup and I don't know
what happened five minutes later all three of them gorgeous are standing around
Patrice and he has them
auditioning to see who has the best phone sex voice and they're doing it
because he had them all convinced
that despite how they looked their their voices were so annoying that most guys
actually secretly didn't like
them wanted them to shut up and didn't want to hear their opinions yeah and
they bought into that
yeah and next thing you know they're trying to prove to him that they can be
sexy and they were like
you know they were all nines yeah like in a nine in new york too yeah yeah yeah
super smoke yeah so
that was uh incredible I saw my time walked up to a girl and she was she was
gorgeous and she had this
little scar on her forehead and he comes walking up with his big stupid finger
she was sitting down
and he goes I like that and he pointed right at her scar and she was like mortified
and in that and that's just how we would you just started off balance with him
yeah and then he just
kept pushing your shoulder at verbally every time you'd start to regain your
footing he would find
something else and he would just trash you for an hour and then you loved him
yeah no some nights you
hated him you wanted to you literally wanted to kill him like he would make you
so many would start
laughing at you it was brutal I beat him once in 20 years of knowing him and it
at the game one time
which is inevitable I mean it's inevitable at least once you're gonna win yeah
I just got him we were
on the phone it was a three-way call me him and Bobby I think and I was using
all of his techniques
which which made him mad yeah and then he was off his game he didn't talk to me
for like three days
he was so upset but uh but it was literally like you know they want to only
drag some idiot out of the
stands and he hits a half court shot sure you drag enough idiots out there
eventually someone's gonna
hit it yeah um that's basically what happened but other than that I think yeah
so I was basically
one in 17,000 conversations with him no he pounded yeah we used to gang up on
him and he could still
we like gang up on him and you'd get him for a little bit it's just like uh I
can't it's like
one of those video games you just can't defeat unless you go online and you get
the cheats the cheats
where we would we would gang up on try to gang up on him and yeah and he yeah
he would still
effortlessly and then what would you'd hope you'd have solidarity with the
person that you ganged up
on and then he would get he'd get you with something and then your friend just
had to start laughing at
you and then you were done then you were done and then they wanted patrice to
stop trashing them
so then they would pile on with patrice and then it was brutal so then you'd
have to try to get it off
you onto somebody else and you just yeah that's so awful it sounds terrible no
it made us better
we used to go downstairs at the cellar and they would be upstairs and you'd
have some new bit
and somebody would hate your joke like keith would hate it or patrice would
hate it it just as long
as one person hated it they would bring it up and start saying how awful a joke
it was and then
everybody would pile on and then you have to be like fuck you i'm still doing
the joke and then you'd go
downstairs to do the joke and everyone would be standing staring at you during
your set dude and
it was uh it was brutal and even if you committed and it got the joke got a
laugh patrice had a laugh
that was so loud he could shut the crowd up yeah and he knew when to laugh he
just knew what he was
doing yeah he uh he was he was a nightmare yeah yeah yeah he was a nightmare i
loved him to death but
he when he was on you it was a fucking nightmare and it didn't yeah it didn't
end when you went on stage
right it was jesus yeah well that's why we look at all these fucking people now
like i can't even
relate to them like this whole new the new thing it's like nobody trap i mean i
feel like this old
guy like hey you know we used to give each other shit oh yeah it wasn't
supportive but it was supportive
because you were uh no you're helping each other out with that yeah for sure
well that certainly made like
somebody heckling you after that point of sitting there having norton keith voss
and patrice on your
ass at the same time and then kevin hart came along if you had all five of them
trashing you like when
you went on stage and somebody heckled you was hilarious yeah because that you
you just don't with
fucking five of the professionals professionals yeah yeah that's so
professionals yeah that's what
you're describing is so foreign to me in comedy there were there were comics
who literally avoided
going to the cellar just because of that or they would they would just go
downstairs and do their
set and then they leave they wouldn't go upstairs to the table really yeah and
the whole table came
about i think because of patrice because patrice got kicked out of the club so
we loved him so much
we just would go where he was so he would be like in front of the club so we
would all just go outside
and uh they didn't know how to deal and i remember they were telling him he had
to leave and he was
just like oh else what he's like you'll never ever ever never play this club he's
like he's like i'm
already kicked out of here motherfucker you know so we were all just laughing
so then they got kicked
out of the club though like out of the cellar the cellar kicked him out why i
forget why i forget
why he just for being patrice right yeah okay and in defense of them they were
probably right on a lot
of levels so he got kicked out so but you know he was he was the he was the guy
he was he held court
so it's just so he was sitting out in front of the place so instead of hanging
out up there we were
then outside and then we were being loud the loudness was now out there and
people were walking by and
they were trying to bark and i don't know if they thought it was a bad idea so
then what they did
then they let him back in the club because because they realized they didn't
have any power once they
kicked him out he was out there like what else he's gonna do it it's like a guy
was a life like a life
with no parole he just stabbed someone in the shower what are you gonna stick
me in the really stick me
in the cell you know yeah so oh and he would be shitting all over him and we
would laugh our ass off so
then they let him back in the club and then then that's when they came up with
the table because they
were trying to contain it to keep it it was it was hilarious it's like they put
us on time out and
when they didn't this is your table you got a place to sit and all that stuff
they would probably argue
that this isn't true but i'm convinced of it so then we we sat down back there
and then it became
then it was epic because then manny rest his soul was still alive loved to
argue in politics and that
type of stuff and then him and patrice would go at it and you had this guy who
was just the greatest
ever at making fun of your head and your shirt and all your and then with a guy
who was an
unbelievably well-read guy and they would talk about world events so you had
this guy you know
it was just they were just epic battles and and and then that's when the the
whole thing kind of took
off and like a tough crowd came out of that oh right yeah everybody got giraldo
was there giraldo
colin quinn nick d'apallo jim norton rich voss patrice o'neill keith robinson
bobby kelly it was insane
and if you came down there and you wore the wrong shirt it was fucking over it
was it was over
i remember one time keith wore the wrong shirt and we got him on so we start we
just started to get on
him so bad he stood up and he ran out of the club and i was so fucking mad i
was like you can do that
i didn't think you could do that i thought you just had to sit here and take it
um you make it sound so much more fun than anything i've experienced doing so
it's so
business depressing here i remember when jim norton came down when he he had
his his first cd
he goes hey i got me a new cd and somebody said hey let me take a look at that
and they just broke
it in half he threw it on the ground poured a bunch of drinks on it and it was
just and he
he laughed his ass i would have died if somebody he laughed that was the uh
that was it was really
childish yeah yeah god forbid you were standing anywhere with something in your
hand it was going
to get slapped out of your hand that's right cell phones bag of chips anything
yeah and it was it was
always funny it was so stupid sure it was always funny what i was saying is
what you you what you're
describing doesn't take me in my mind in my experiences to the world of stand-up
that takes
me to like middle school high school that feels like all the shit that i would
do and did with
friends in school but in my uh oh no it was it was experience it was immature
as hell and it never
never stopped that's all be sitting at home and you'd pick up the phone and you'd
just pick it up
and it would just be like somebody had someone else on three-way and you'd be
sitting at home and they
would just trash you about something i don't know what i'm one night patrice
took a night off and
everybody found out that he took a night off and i think norton and somebody
else called and they
called him at home at like between their spots at like 9 30 at night he picked
up the phone
and they just what the fuck are you doing home at 9 30 on a saturday and he
just started roaring
laughing and they trashed him for like 10 minutes and just hung up on him that's
great
so i think that's a really good way i think as comics we're all inherently
angry and sometimes
jealous and hate each other i think our generation we just talk shit behind
each other's backs as
opposed to it's just to be like fuck you piece of shit and then you get it out
like matt 