Name: Bill Burr - Why I Avoid Going To A Doctor!
Uploaded: 2023-11-15T23:55:47.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Why I Avoid Going To A Doctor!' from Comedy University on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-11-15. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Why I Avoid Going To A Doctor!' from Comedy University on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-11-15. Transcript available.

you talk about all this bodily stuff did you did you almost died you what is
you afraid of death
or something no no i just always have something wrong with me i have i'm littered
in hives every
single day they think it's the vaccine i have like rashes all the time i have
scars from the
sun i have like i always have something wrong with me but this when i was young
she fingered
me she's like it's penicitis and i was like i think i have an ovarian cyst and
she's like no
i'm the doctor and then i went and they were about to remove it like i was in
the hospital
with ivy the doctor came in i'm like i'm like please i'm like a 15 year old
girl being like just
check please check i think it's ovarian cyst and they checked one more time
with the the thing and
they're like oh yeah shit it's an ovarian cyst i'm like you were gonna take out
my appendix for no
reason because a woman with big fingers touched the wrong thing i don't know
where the hell she was in
there yeah with gloves on i hope she had gloves on now that i think about it i
don't know they get a
lot of stuff right though yeah they do and i look i hey i love doctors i'm not
gonna talk about doctors
i'm just thinking like all the like the people that work in labs to cure
diseases they must like
on their coffee break be like why are we saving these unappreciative fucking
out why there are too
many people on the planet like i just like it's you know somebody not funny
telling you how to do a joke
it's like people not smart or not trained in the area telling them how to do
their fucking job it has to
be maddening especially when it's something like what we do is silly what they're
doing is actually
saving your fucking life and so you're like yeah no according to my research it's
like all right
according to this last reddit search i did i did yeah you know according to uh
i agree with you dot net
uh they're saying uh you know this so have you ever self-diagnosed yourself
before on google doing that
whole thing where you're like i have this no really i don't i just fucking like
go see suffer
and then my wife looks at me and is like what's wrong with you like that's what
i learned she's
like go to the fucking doctor appendix ruptures you keep playing little league
baseball just keep
going were you good were you still playing come on run it out there's just
running as fast as i can
i'm fucking dying from the inside um are you like worried about your kids do
you take them they go
get checkups obviously but still young um no i could be better at that because
i learned because
i learned i kind of realized like uh that you know there was definitely um you
know just something
back in the day like you know i i feel like back in the day you were either
that uh like hypochondriac
that anytime your kids sneezed i remember like i had like neighbors like their
kids would get a cold
and they would take them to the hospital and my whole family would laugh at
them be like oh my god
point on the window yeah like they have got to be the biggest bunch of fucking
pussies
uh-huh yeah he's calling your pussies hey the pussies you're like it rained
today they're probably
calling the fucking coast guard fucking pussies like that's how we look but
there would they had to
be like a happy meeting because they were like overly so um i could probably uh
you know but my
wife is good at that stuff so that's usually how it works like hopefully in a
relationship the stuff
you're bad at they're good at and you know and you're kind of able to fill in
enough of the stuff
so you're not like i don't think my parents were like that when i was a kid
when i had the ovarian
cyst thing they were like just try sleep like just try sleep sleeping sitting
up and i'm like i don't
want to sleep sitting up i'm in severe pain because my dad was like super
european so he'd be like just
eat some garlic have some some cloves of garlic i'm like that's all he did as a
kid he's like yogurt
he's like my grandpa lived to 107 of yogurt and garlic well the guy's insides
are rotten i don't
tell you i got a friend of mine told me i forget what i had but she told me to
to she goes i know
this is gonna sound fucked up but take a raw onion cut it in half and then tape
it to your foot
did your foot did you do it yeah you did it yeah i was like all right i'll do
it and i put a sock on
well you have flu or something what the hell was wrong i forget what i had but
i just remember the
the end result was my room smelt like onions that's so was this recently like
this is no
it was it and it went away you're fine i forget what i had i can't remember
what a white or a red
onion oh no not no the red onions for the elbow no i'm kidding oh i'm kidding i
don't remember
raking of onions i don't remember but like but her shit though is like it's
like she's like she bats
about 600 which is amazing okay so she seems to have like these old world like
remedies where there
are some like uh you know there's some sort of honey onion concoction with some
uh uh i don't know what
the fuck it is there's always clothes there's always some hot shit in there
yeah that whatever the
fuck it is some cayenne cayenne yeah yeah okay and you drink that and it kind
of helps uh your immune
system or something like that oh my god uh uh uh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh