Name: Bill Burr - How To Deal With Debt Collectors!
Uploaded: 2024-05-03T15:24:52.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - How To Deal With Debt Collectors!' from Comedy University on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-05-03. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - How To Deal With Debt Collectors!' from Comedy University on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-05-03. Transcript available.

Bill Burr - How To Deal With Debt Collectors!

you would be a great defense attorney yeah you know my client said he never
murdered him so i
mean i i don't i don't know what to tell you here so uh that's my case i'm
breaking your balls a
little bit right away you're getting refreshed with me all right come on look i
got to defend
the guy he let me two thousand dollars to get me out of the the hole with that
oh your creditor
yeah i got that creditor thing going on so hey danny have you ever owed anybody
any money
yeah i filed bankruptcy when i was 20. let me ask you you know when the creditors
call you
yeah and they butt breaking your balls and everything don't you know that you
don't respond
to them they're just trying to scare you they basically go out like this can
actually called
them back it's like what do i what do i have what do i have to do and then they're
like going uh well
if you know we're gonna take you to court you know you know he's covering over
the mouthpiece like he's
buying this and next thing you know and he ends up having a court date yeah
because you were wrong
because you took it seriously joe jesus christ those guys you always tell them
that you've that
you've started bankruptcy uh proceedings and then legally they're not allowed
to call you anymore
here's the part of the story that he glazes over just like i glazed over my
part of the story and
the last thing is the the debt that i'm being sued over in court is not from a
creditor that i
actually spoke to it's from a creditor that i never spoke to and i actually got
sued for that one
so then when this other creditor was calling me and being like hey you got this
other debt over
here that we're going to sue you for that's why i freaked out because i was
like they actually
sued me on this other one joe can i ask you a question how did the first phone
call go down
because i'm gonna tell you how mine went down these guys okay i'll tell you
mine these guys called me
up and they said hey we're so and so credit agency we just bought your debt
from bally's total fitness
and i said well what the hell did you do that for i didn't pay them what the
hell makes you think i'm
gonna pay you i don't even know you guys i just started laughing and i hung up
on them and every
time they call i would just have fun if it was a female i'd start hitting on
her i asked what she
was wearing and my goal was to try to make them hang up on me i just told them
i don't have any money
go ahead and sue me what are you gonna do dude you gotta understand their whole
roster is fucking
deadbeat losers like me they're trying to find somebody that gives them a ray
of light like we
should go after this guy but i want you to explain to me then why i'm getting
sued by the person that
i never spoke to that's my point dude because they probably all talk they all
talk to each other
yeah they have a clubhouse where they meet every week have you ever bought you
have a poker have you
ever fucking bought something right you buy whatever you buy a fucking ham egg
and cheese sandwich
next thing you know you're just getting junk mail from people who make him that's
a terrible it is
whatever you buy a fucking refrigerator then all of a sudden you know all of a
sudden you're getting
all these catalogs you don't think they talk to each other that's never
happened to me ever but
look the point is they're fucking suing me and the guy let me two grand to get
me out of the hole
i don't know what look i panicked i'm not gonna lie to you dude i got really
really freaked out when
they were like we're gonna sue you here's your court date pay us the money or
you're going to court
i got freaked out dude that's a scary thing you should have had fun i want to i
want to hear some
uh let's some listeners call and i want to hear somebody actually had fun with
their creditors
and i want to hear like i don't believe that they i think that this is what i
think okay with my
complete lack of fucking research on this okay i really think that they they
probably have levels
on their phone calls and they the first time they call you is they see if you're
going to be scared
and if you're scared and you take them seriously they move it to like uh defcon
2 you know i don't
know man that sounds uh dude it's like hitting on chicks in a bar if they're
like go fuck yourself
you you you keep moving but let me i hear what you're saying about having fun
with them on the
phone let me role play with you really quick what it was like to try to talk to
them and i couldn't
this is why i couldn't have fun with them you be me okay i'll be you go ahead
be me okay like
pussified i'm serious like being like me because you know how i would be okay i'll
do you seriously go
ahead uh thank you for calling uh midland credit funding yeah hi i'm really
scared i owe you guys
money and i don't know what to do uh sir we're done pay us the money or we're
going to court but i
start we're done i don't know we're done sir we're done here we're done goodbye
click that was every
phone call was just like that wasn't it what you weren't there bill chill you're
going on your heart with
this one joe how how would they possibly try to get money out of you i'm not
talking to you for
the rest of the show you're siding with those cunts all right all right you got
me there but yeah i'm
just saying like that that doesn't make sense to me who's let's see if any of
these callers who's got
does anybody have a creditor we want to talk to todd in new york he says he's a
bill collector
okay oh beautiful beautiful todd you're on uh uninformed yeah i used to be a
bill collector in the city we
everybody you guys talk to each other about if you're gonna run your name stuff
it's easy to find
out if you owe money okay well let me ask you this when when you used to call
people up you know you
you must know when you when you worked there don't do you realize that like a
certain amount of people
you're just never going to get money out of them because they're broke is that
without a doubt you
don't you don't even talk about court you don't blow your load all at once you
freaking scare them
first but yeah yeah you know you're not going to get your money from them that's
very interesting
so you scare them first so basically how do you know whether you've scared them
or not
because they'll call you back do you see joe you dumb i'm telling you man all
right i
what do you want from me that's what i wanted all right thank you what i wanted
you got it you could
have had an extra two grand i swear two grand five grand i just spent is he
still there are you just
hung up i'm telling you right joe you could have had all that all you to do is
just say i don't have
any money i just spent five grand to settle this i up i i'm done but you know
what i look at it like
this i got out of 10 grand worth of debt for five grand uh it's not like i didn't
do something wrong
here i got credit cards i spent a lot of money and i intentionally five years
ago went i'm not paying
these things anymore so it's not like does your credit end up being up or no
credit is destroyed dude
was that the dumbest question i've ever asked how does that work how come she
wasn't able to get
that apartment all right so there that's not bad man so on uninformed we
actually just learned
something how about that i'm telling you joe finally so the argument's over i
up you're
right okay i'm giving it to you because i saw there's somebody on the hotline i
don't know who it
is on the hotline he says look at all these people he says he's your cousin you
know you got a
cousin named ralphie no i don't geez that's the worst fake name ever oh bye ralphie
my name's ralphie
told creditor he was gonna pimp his mother go to that one all right chris in arizona
hey guys
how you doing hey man you see you uh i was gonna ask you what did you say to
the creditor oh yeah yeah
well this is like a thousand dollars and this is before i knew not to call the
guys back
but um the guy was busting my balls we went back and forth for a half an hour
you know i'll make a
payment you know a hundred dollars a month he's like no no no it's no good it's
no good so finally
i got so pissed off i said to do i'm like you know what how about i get your
mother give me
your phone number i'll pimp her out whatever money i make off her stupid i'll
pay you there you go
so sir that's uh that's a violation blah blah blah yeah orally it's a violation
of her twat all right
thanks for calling see dude that i'm telling you if anybody out there no if you're
at i know joe it's
too late for you but there's other people in the world you myopic what i'm
trying to say here is if
you're listening to the show and if you're in debt and these people start
calling you just to just
just ignore them or have fun with them just tell them you're broke uh because
if you don't if you take
them seriously you're gonna end up like joe being excited that you only had to
give them five thousand
dollars keith robinson goes he goes you know what your problem is young fella
you're no good at being
dirty because you're a good kid and uh that's what you gotta do exactly i just
have no practice with
it i have no practice being a bad guy you know what it is joe you're a believer
yeah you believe you
believe in the system you believe your friend i am you believe the creditors it
would have been nice
if we remembered to email danny that music cue for your believer that we talked
about that would
have been funny oh the monkeys yeah that would have added some some depth but
uh you know dude
whatever man you know it's look the fact you're gonna get out of that now so
you got you i figured
it out look my friend gave me a loan and i had the extra cash and it actually
wasn't too bad of a blow
and i actually felt a weird sense of achievement that i was able to throw these
guys five grand and not
be flat broke and still be like okay i was like you know what i'm doing i'm
doing better than i had ever
been in this business here's another one bring up bring up this guy here he uh
he he's gonna have
names oh i'm saying lady trucker lady trucker lady trucker you're on you got a
creditor story oh yeah
i had a guy call me up with an accent like he was from india and in texas you
can't garnish people's
wages so he's like well i'm gonna have to start your wages he pissed me off so
i was like shut the
fuck up fan i live in texas you cannot fucking garbage garnish my wages all
right yeah to take
it to that level oh yeah you're real can i ask you a question are you the one
writing all that racist
stuff on youtube no remember you're talking about that they can have you can
have you could film an
orange on youtube and within seven comments someone's gonna drop the n-word
well yeah it's only a matter of
time it's only a matter to what uh what part of texas do you live in victoria
victoria where is that
southwest of uh houston southeast of san antonio oh that's where like you guys
got a big uh that's
where you guys dragged that dude behind the truck that's where all those mexicans
got killed in the uh
trailer of the truck by some guy new york oh sorry wrong yeah wrong horrific
tragedy for the wrong
minority i'm sorry she's got her racial infant stat cards no that was 1987.
you know i really wanted i was really hoping that this was going to be a great
story so i could uh
trash joe some more then she went to a racist group well you know yes
definitely criticizing but thank you
for saving me you ignorant cunt i appreciate it where's that world comedy tour
go to does it go
out of the united states what did you say does your world county tour go out of
the united states of
america uh no it doesn't i'm not on a world comedy tour well then why did you
say you're on a world
county tour for the college tours i didn't just for the record he's half egyptian
you got anything to
say to one yeah i happen to be a sand actually so uh what are you victor i
never said i was on a world
comedy tour i said i was on a comedy tour you put world in there so