Name: Bill Burr - Hilarious Patrice O'Neal Story and Nia Gaslights Bill
Uploaded: 2024-09-15T17:35:40.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Hilarious Patrice O'Neal Story and Nia Gaslights Bill' from Comedy University on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-09-15. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Hilarious Patrice O'Neal Story and Nia Gaslights Bill' from Comedy University on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-09-15. Transcript available.

All right, so I got into this hilarious argument one day, like, Patrice, when
he used to just
get sick of white people, would, you know, he just would stop coming down to
the club
for a little bit, and then sometimes he would call me up and vent.
About white people?
No, he would vent at me representing white people.
So one time, I'm sitting at home, just being white, you know?
Hanging out, having a f***ing peanut butter and jelly sandwich, the phone rings,
I pick
it up, I'm like, hello, and he just goes, Bill, he goes, what do white people
do?
He didn't even say hello, I go, what do you mean?
He goes, what do you do?
I'm like, I was like, did you just get pulled over by a cop?
Like, where is this coming from?
Like, what do you mean, what do we do?
Like, what?
He's like, what do you do?
Like, what do you bring to the table?
Yeah, he's like, black people, we do this, we do that.
What do you guys do?
Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
That's hilarious.
Like you say, yeah, but the thing about it is...
How did you answer him?
I've answered him, like, I go, what do you mean, what do we do?
You just don't recognize...
Our s*** is mainstream.
Mm-hmm.
It's like hiding in plain sight, so you don't see it, so you don't think that
there's any
sort of culture or anything, like, what do we do?
Oh.
All the...
Actually, look at skateboarding, okay?
That came from surfing, you know, and the waves weren't there, and actually,
you know, skateboarding, and totally evolved into what that is.
Stock car...
Wasn't that something that, like, Polynesian people were doing?
Stock car racing?
Wait, wait.
I'm not gonna sit here and have you try to tell me that white people didn't
come up with anything.
You f***ing do that all the time.
Didn't the f*** Eskimos invent ketchup?
Shut up!
But I don't know, like...
Skateboarding?
Polynesians came up with skateboarding?
No, no, but skateboarding...
I saw the documentary with Dogtown and Z-Boys in an empty swimming pool in
Santa Monica.
But I thought skateboarding came from surfing, and then surfing come from Polynesian
people?
I don't know, I could be wrong.
You thought what?
Didn't surfing come from, like, indigenous people?
No, no, I'm talking about skateboarding.
I know, but skateboarding came from surfing.
It was sort of derived of that culture.
Right.
So I'm saying, but didn't surfing come from...
So you're saying white people don't get credit for skateboarding?
I didn't say that.
I was just asking who came up with a thing that inspired skateboarding.
I'm just wondering.
I'm just wondering.
I'm not...
What?
This is like, literally, then this becomes the argument I ended up having with
Patrice.
All right, stock car racing.
All right, all right.
Stock car racing.
Okay.
That came out of moonshining.
What is that?
Stock car racing.
Basically, back during Prohibition, when alcohol was illegal.
Right.
What you would do is, if you were bringing illegal booze, moonshine, you know,
cross-state lines
and all that type of shit, you wanted a fast car, but you didn't want it to
look fast.
So what you did was, it looked like a stock car.
Like a stock car you got from Detroit.
That just looks like a Chevy.
That looks like a Ford.
But underneath the hood, you souped the thing up, and you were able to...
Outrun the cops.
And the cops didn't have radios back then.
Gotcha.
So these guys that did this shit, all right, would talk shit about, my car is
faster than
your car.
No, it isn't.
Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
So they started racing.
And that started stock car racing.
That's a cultural thing.
Okay.
So then it's on TV.
So I started listing all of that shit.
And he was actually going late.
He said, I think at one point he went, he said, good answer, is what he said.
And I just, I'm like, fuck you.
I'm not asking for your approval.
This whole conversation is annoying.
Is stock car racing like something that's very important to people?
Like, is it like a big deal?
I don't know.
You're already looking at me.
Because I know what you're going to do.
I think I came out wrong.
I think I came out wrong.
I'm not even going to get into this conversation.
And then we're going to go to music.
And then everything in music is somehow going to go back to the blues, like
Beethoven heard
the blues and the Irish music and all that.
Like, well, if you actually, then Nas will be like, well, it all came from the
pyramids
and black people built those.
How would you know that?
How would you know that?
Because you went to I'm right.com and you read shit that said you guys did it.
Like, that is the dumbest shit.
Like, that whole credit thing is so stupid.
But Egyptians are in Africa.
So that's African.
So that's black people.
I know.
It isn't.
No, they're not.
Aren't they?
They're African.
Yeah.
So that's my point.
Yeah.
So we're on the same page.
When you see an Egyptian guy, you think that guy looks like you.
I don't know.
I feel like some of them are really.
So I'm French, German and Irish.
You're French.
So, yeah, I have a little bit of French, but I'm mostly German, Irish.
Let me finish.
Oh, so I'm European.
So me and Italians.
Yeah, we're on the same page.
So Ferrari.
Yeah, that was us.
That was us.
That was pasty freckle, guys.
We did that shit.
Give me a break.
No, you guys invented like vodka and stuff like that.
Right?
No.
No?
Irish?
Russians.
Sorry.
Sorry.
I don't know the history of any of that shit.
Whiskey?
I didn't want to get into this debate.
It's more of a, like a German-Irish whiskey.
What's the other ones?
Bourbon?
No, is that an American thing?
Bourbon, well, Scotch.
Yeah, yeah, there you go.
Scotch is from Scotland.
Bourbon's from Kentucky.
Yeah.
Whiskey was-
But Egypt is in Africa, I think, was Naz's point.
Was that a true thing that he said?
Yeah, but Africa is a continent.
Yeah, it is.
It's not a race.
True.
It's a continent.
There you go.
So, like, can Irish people take credit for shit that happens in Romania?
Because they're all European?
I feel like there's a reason why this is different, but I don't know why.
So I'm not going to answer that question.
But I feel like-
Can I have that written on a t-shirt, please?
Like-
I feel like an Egyptian person-
What the f***?
They necessarily say, I'm African, or would they say, I'm Egyptian?
They would probably say, I'm Egyptian.
Yeah, Egyptian.
But I don't know enough about-
All I know is that all this s*** is in Africa, so-
Have you met anybody over in Europe saying I'm European?
No.
They go, I'm French.
That's true.
I'm Swiss.
Yeah.
Swish?
I'm Swiss.
This is a-
This is actually-
This is like a toxic-
This always becomes a toxic conversation when-
Okay, we'll start then.
No, I'm talking about you and me.
I'm just saying-
Because I don't want to stir up everybody.
Because it's very easily-
Too late, yeah.
You can go off the rails, and it becomes this big f***ing race.
You're a racist and all this type of s***.
Um-
Resist the urge to read too much into this, people.
Um, anyways.
I'm just-
So stock cards is a big accomplishment for white people, is what you were
saying.
No, no, no.
I'm not saying it's a big accomplishment.
Wow.
You know what I hate about this conversation?
What I hate about this conversation-
I'm sorry.
I know.
It's-
You feel like you can't come back-
I can't say anything.
I can't f***ing say anything.
If I say anything-
You feel like you can't come back and say anything.
That's true, though.
If I say anything, then all of a sudden, it's this, this.
And this.
There's a whole bunch of s*** that I'm leaving off.
Because I'll then become-
I'll be called an elitist.
Okay?
What do we do?
We f***ing pretend to go to the moon.
That's what we do.
The space shuttle.
That's the s***.
You just see it on TV.
That's-
That's some s*** that we did.
I mean, that's-
That's kind of a-
Cool?
No, it's amazing.
I know the astronauts weren't rapping.
They didn't have their space suits hanging off their asses.
I know that.
The kids didn't want-
They weren't the coolest.
But the kids still wanted to do it.
I'm f***ing around.
Chuck Yeager is cooler than any f***er out there.
Give me a break.
I'm f***ing around with you.
I'm f***ing around with you.
I'm just getting your goat.
Because I see you wanting to leap out of your skin right now.
No, space travel is very interesting.
I hate when you do that.
What?
My brother used to do that.
Do what?
You just say s*** to get me going.
I'm being honest with you and I'm saying what I'm feeling.
Don't just be s***-
You think I can't say some s*** to get you going?
I know you can.
You do all the time.
I'm sorry.
I shouldn't have mocked stock car racing or any of that stuff.
That wasn't nice.
Oh my god!
Oh my god!
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.