Name: Bill Burr - Mushrooms Changed My Life Man!
Uploaded: 2024-10-18T14:39:27.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Mushrooms Changed My Life Man!' from Comedy University on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-10-18. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Mushrooms Changed My Life Man!' from Comedy University on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-10-18. Transcript available.

yeah so what is what is it how did you get turned on to have you done mushrooms
prior to doing
mushrooms this time or what uh no what is with the mushroom craze there's a big
everybody's doing
mushrooms now to find themselves yeah and it's like it's it's sort of like no i
did mushrooms
once in college and i was gonna say you're too controlled yeah yeah like go
ahead i want to know
what tell me walk me through my trip before i have it yeah yeah give me i want
to know i don't want to
let go on any level yeah no i was is there an exit ramp during the trip if you're
not enjoying it
i was supposed to do it with somebody and the guy left me and i was the
president of my fraternity
and a lot of alumni were coming up going where's the money and i'm like oh i
want mushrooms man like
and then i ended up crying in a corner in my fraternity house your first trip
you usually end
up crying if you're a comedian you're probably going to end up crying because
you because you figure out
why you became a comic like you see all like it all made sense to me like after
the first one but then
after you know if you do the work you go to therapy it's one of those things
where it's like anything
you can do them where they can help you or you can just be a jerk off and be
like and then i took them
and there was a dragon talking to a butterfly that's my opinion right like
those idiots yeah and it's
like they don't get anything again it's supposed to be like this spiritual
thing where you look i feel
like you learn about yourself and you try to become a better person but uh what
sucks is they're becoming
legal right which they're gonna go the root of weed which now i think is just
absolute poison like back
in the day how much did you have to smoke to get like high like now oh it's
like dude i wouldn't take
more than one hit of that like like what is in that that's not weed anymore i
know the nerds got
a hold of it and they can turn it into like some chemistry liquid shit but like
dude like you can
be like borderline tripping off that off just smoking some shit where before
you'd have to like
ingest a lot of it and everything and uh there's just something about those
legal weed stores right
how it looks like a big like tropical fish tank and shit this is something
about like this looks like
it looks like sugar and it looks like trans fats to me and it just it it doesn't
look like hell
because that because that was a big thing we're not making weed it's natural
man it's a plant
they're gonna do the same thing with mushrooms and you know i you know i glanced
at some on the
internet that was saying that all modern medicine comes from principle like the
family tree it stops at
mushrooms and they're gonna with that and they'll ruin it and uh you know some
monsanto will come
around and own mushrooms and turn it into like you know eating marshmallows
they'll it up and
politicians will let them do it because they're all grossly underpaid on
purpose so that these guys
can own them that's what it is so i i'm uh that's a whole other thing right
damn how it is no i don't
even like all of these assholes every one of them except jimmy carter they all
go on the goddamn
the go out and give speeches they're on a speech door and they get three four
hundred grand a gig
right and who do they talk to these big corporations because they did what they
want them to do it's a
fucking payoff it's ridiculous yeah the thing is i find yeah well it's what it
takes to become a
politician is a different skill than being a politician like yeah like all that
stuff is
you're constantly trying to keep your job so somebody's got to be benefiting
but listen the chicken
thing i want to say about weed my father-in-law from where i live now he's like
have you ever had he
goes when i was growing up a chicken didn't taste nothing like a chicken now so
that i know that's
that's what they're doing it was like the size it was bland it had no taste now
you don't even need
mustard you can bite into a chicken and juicy and delicious it wasn't like that
your chicken was
always it was a little dry when we grew up it's a little dry you don't know how
to cook well your
father barbecue chicken growing up you can distinctly remember your mother
yelling at your father for
burning the chicken nobody burns chicken anymore it's impossible to burn it it
self-stops they are
165. chickens are where baseball was in the late 90s yeah where it's all yeah
like i actually saw this
thing on food and i had to go to like 20 different places it fell to get an
organic chicken that it had
not been with and when i saw it it looked like a cornish hen it's like the size
of a fucking it's like
the size of a pigeon i'm like that's a i'm like that's the chicken yeah like a
chicken is sort of
like triple a turkey you know what i mean but like back in the day like if you
don't with the chicken
they're not that big right but they found out people like breast meat so they
put it all in
steroids and the chest so big these things can't walk and they're like it's sad
it's brutal human
beings are are awful human beings are a complete failure and it's god's fault
it's god's fault because
he makes he takes no responsibility for it oh man there is no god by the way i
went to church last
week and our church is combining masses he's like nobody's coming he's like we're
going we're doing
10 more funerals for every one baptism he's like we got a letter from our head
church saying in western
new york we'll cut we're going bankrupt is what he's saying oh yeah no i'm i'm
thinking scientology
what uh what uh what religion are you catholic what are you talking about yeah
all right well you know
they raised children right so yes my buddy my brother said the funniest thing
he goes dude you
name one other business that would still be open if that's what they were doing
it you know like
starbucks if they were children it wasn't all the baristas it was just a couple
of bad ones i'm still
gonna go down there and buy coffee they have no one to blame but themselves i
know dude they had like
nazi money they had uh jewish people's valuables like they they bet on the
wrong i get it if you
saw the germans cars you're like i think they're gonna do it yeah you know it's
like a football game
i'm gonna i'm gonna go with that we were making the sotos it's like i'm gonna
go with these guys and
they lost and then they were kind of like oh yeah uh sorry about that plus they
were gonna take out
not only a race of people they would take out a religion so that was good for
their business and
then they come around and talk to you about how to be a good person the out of
here
i put i invested so many hours bro what am i supposed to do just walk away i'm
wearing no no
what do i switch to a tom cruise pendant you're wearing the car was playing
stickball
i still do this every night and like that
with my dad up there so you know that's all right he can listen he can be up
there and that
can be a thing but you can't that we don't understand but this this whole thing
where they
or i understand part of it all right they did have to organize humanity
could still be up there they could still be a thing but it doesn't have to be
what they're
saying it is just because you don't go to their thing it's nothing like it's
like a manager like
i can get you there you know i'm the porthole it's like they're the only way in
it's like no there's
that that should exist with or without you so yeah so but no back to that rant
dude we've handled
chickens what else we got here exactly with that yeah but this room so you're
doing it more like
indian-esque like yo ds like almost sitting in a tent with heated rocks every
like year year and a
half what i like about it's the only thing that altered my mind that the next
day i'm not like
i want to do it again it doesn't have like oh i want to be a better person i
need to work on this
if i do this me my wife will get along better like it's it's like that right
and then like uh i
don't know i start getting a little whatever and i need to check in with myself
and it's like once
every like you know year 14 months 18 months i've gone like i've only done it
like three times i always
would somebody else is it like a shaman that no no no i just always you know i
did it by myself i
would uh oh it just gets weird to me a shaman and it's always like a white guy
and it's like who the
fuck are you dude stop stop with this like with this hot topic mushroom you're
gonna do with the
food court like i i don't want to do you got a specific look a shaman should
have yeah a shaman
shaman is not a white guy that's outside our we're not shaman safe to say i'll
give you that so yeah but
like and like do you like um if you find yourself giggling or something like
because i've done
shrooms and i laugh are you like do you say that's not what this is about stop
no no no just go with
it you do go with no last time i did it i was i was uh it's up on this hill up
in like ventura county
right and like do you go okay i'm gonna do it in ventura or do you end up there
yeah no no i'm doing it
you're doing it it's like yeah no no you want to be you want to be in a yeah
you want to you want
to do be in a place where you feel like safe like someone's not going to come
up to you and ask you
where the money for your frat is like that was that's not the way you want to
do it or even you
don't even want someone come saying big fan in that moment right yeah you just
want to be by yourself
it's an introspective thing this and listen i don't know about it this is just
how i've done it so
i'm just telling you how i did it so when we were there i was with my wife and
we were both
like tripping or whatever and she was on her own thing and i was on my own
thing and oh so yeah
okay and she was saying like at one point she goes i was looking up the clouds
and she goes i saw you
waving at the clouds like what were you doing and i was like oh they had turned
into like a bunch of
like skulls like they were going to come i don't know like it was supposed you
know like this angry
sort of and it was just like my demons so i just wait hey you know i know you're
in there
and then that sort of ended it and this cloud came with like a javelin
stabbed one of them and its head just kept open until it went away
oh my god