Name: Bill Burr & Joe Rogan - We Are Never Gonna Reach Mars!
Uploaded: 2024-11-22T02:37:21.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr & Joe Rogan - We Are Never Gonna Reach Mars!' from Comedy University on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-11-22. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr & Joe Rogan - We Are Never Gonna Reach Mars!' from Comedy University on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-11-22. Transcript available.

Well, I mean, what I think happened was a bunch of people were watching reality
and
weren't watching their shows on the Rise of the Third Ark, Reich, whatever, and
the Night
of the Long Knives or whatever, and just no one cared anymore, and they're just
like,
"All right, if that's what you want."
They have on, like, Ancient Aliens.
Like they have, I mean, they have, how many episodes of Ancient Aliens have
they done?
I totally believe in Aliens, but I don't think anybody has figured out a way to
travel from
planet to planet.
Really?
And actually live.
I think it's possible, but I think they're way too invested in it being real.
I think eventually we could figure it out, but we're going to destroy each
other first,
and I think everything kind of, you destroy yourselves.
That's God's, I think, checks and balances.
All right, I made this thing smart enough to figure out how to get over to this
other pot
of people that I made, but they got jealousy and envy, and I want credit, and I
want a producer
credit on your rocket ship and all that, and they're all going to destroy each
other first.
Like, we'll destroy each other.
Before we figure even out how to get to Mars, what are you going to do?
First of all, how do you have enough air to get there?
Air?
Like oxygen.
Like something that generates oxygen.
You'd have to have something that processes carbon dioxide, generates oxygen.
The harder thing would be, you could probably do that.
But that thing's going to last.
So I guess the question is...
Well, plants do that, right?
Is that what plants do?
But that's going to last all the way to Mars.
Hmm.
Six months?
It's got to last six months.
Yeah, I don't know.
You think it takes six months to get to Mars?
I think that's what they're saying.
I think they're saying it takes six months.
No, it doesn't.
I mean, think about how far the moon is.
The moon...
Are you just kidding me?
Because you know all this...
No, it takes six months to get to Mars.
It does not.
How long do you think it'll take?
Years.
No, I'm pretty sure it's six months.
Let's see.
How many months to get to Mars?
He's got a creepy tone right now.
I'm pretty sure it's six months.
Let's see.
I could be wrong.
Two months.
That was very self-deprecating.
It's possible.
Precise six to eight months.
Yeah.
I see.
Because Mars and Earth's orbits are perfectly circular.
But that's like just a drone though.
To actually get a person there.
No, no.
This is for a person.
This is for a person.
They're talking about the manned space travel to Mars mission
where they're actually going to have to stay there,
which is really tough.
It's going to take about six months to get there.
Dude, you realize the balls that that takes?
Unbelievable balls.
I'm going to another planet.
Forever.
And once you break the Earth's gravitational pull,
what is stopping you from missing Mars when that comes around?
Calculations.
I know that.
But I'm saying if those things are off.
Yeah, they never are though.
Jerry, speed up.
Speed up.
You're going to miss it.
Yeah.
Can you go buy it?
Now you're heading towards it.
What's the next one?
Saturn?
Jupiter?
They're pretty good at figuring out.
Mercury, Venus, Earth, Mars.
Jupiter, Saturn.
Yeah.
Neptune.
Uranus.
Uranus.
Pluto.
It's not Pluto.
They're bringing it back though, right?
No.
What'd you hear that?
I heard recently that they're considering bringing it back.
*Sings*
*Sings*
*Sings*
*Sings*
*Sings*
*Sings*
*Sings*
*Sings*
*Sings*
Oh my god!
*Sings*