Name: Bill Burr & Joe Rogan - My Bank was stealing $28 every month!
Uploaded: 2024-12-05T12:34:20.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr & Joe Rogan - My Bank was stealing $28 every month!' from Comedy University on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-12-05. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr & Joe Rogan - My Bank was stealing $28 every month!' from Comedy University on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-12-05. Transcript available.

who is they see because we were just talking about the military before we're
talking about
the military now we're talking about now i'm talking about corporations yeah i'm
talking
about big business where i think corporations are at the end you know every
quarter they have
to show a profit they're at the end of what of legal ways to do it so now they're
just straight
up beginning to steal like my bank that's taking 28 bucks a month out of my
account for no reason
i didn't even notice you know on the road one of those accounts you just you
know have a couple
on a button i finally said dude why are you taking 28 bucks out of this and
they did on the laptop oh
yeah we shouldn't be doing that yeah all right well i've had i've had this for
five years let's go
back they go unfortunately sir our records only go back four months yeah wasn't
that convenient i bet
if i was getting 28 bucks from you you know the other way i bet that they would
go back to the 60s
same thing happened to me it was three months and this is what they said to me
i said i said what if
i bring in all my records what if i bring in all my records and then they go
sorry it was still we're
only going to reimburse you four months i go i got that that's that's
ridiculous and then the guy at
the bank goes well the bank looks at it like that's on you right because i didn't
tell you to pay
attention that they're stealing they're stealing from paying attention yeah it's
what he was basically
saying what he was basically saying was lawyer up yeah lawyer up buddy go ahead
pretty much how it
works is that's why you have 30 days you know for credit cards you have 30 days
to return you have
30 days to make sure all these charges are correct once you get past 30 days
then you're pretty much
screwed dude they do other where if you if you say you're one of these guys i
pay off my balance
every month and you think you're getting them this is what they do is if uh if
you pay it three days
before it's uh this guy was telling me it ends up being late because they send
it somewhere else to be
process they deliberately they artificially delay it so by the time it does get
to the right
um it's messed up and this is one of those other things someone told me that in
a starbucks
and i got i got i got three quarters of the way through the sentence and i
realized i didn't have
any official right words i do know i do know there has to be something official
because nowadays you
can write a check and within hours that check clears your bank and i'm like
that's a check and it's going
through in two hours and like yes this is you know technology hasn't changed in
the banking system
so this is new but yet if you try to pay something off or do something like
that it's like immediately
or i mean it takes like three days on your like transfer funds right you know
it takes like three
days what it makes no sense it's artificial however long they can hold on to
your money they make
interest off your money too so i guess if you think about that like you know if
they hold on to your
money an extra few days before they do something and you add that up over you
know the million people
they have in their bank and the 365 days a year that practice probably nets
them a significant amount
of money if you look at it 28 bucks from every shit like me who doesn't check
for a year and i didn't
notice when it until it went under a thousand bucks because i knew i had a
thousand something in there
it was one of the thing accounts i had back east um so i came out here and i
was always meaning to
close it out you know it was like i had like 1200 bucks or something in it and
then all of a sudden
i'm out here for like a year and a half and all of a sudden i get my statement
and it was like down
to like 900 something bucks and that is on me it is on me because i didn't
realize that your bank
could steal from you and then just say well you know go yourself that's kind of
your fault tell you
what we'll give you like 80 90 bucks back all right there is that what they
gave you they gave you
like three months back i don't know if they did the guy just said he would i
walked out disgusted and
then uh the nba final started red circus and i started watching that and i
never followed up
there's actually something that just passed you guys uh especially the audience
might want to check
this out uh used to be a credit card like a bank or a credit card could like uh
if you had like seven
charges go through at the same time they can take out all those seven charges
and then charge you seven
overdraft fees that's how they used to be able to do it but something just
passed recently that you
could tell your credit cards and your bank that you if there's no money in your
account you're not
allowed to pull money out so they're they're trying to trick you into signing
and going no let's keep
it the old way so they'll call you up or they'll tell you like hey you know you
want to make sure
all these charges go through right yeah well you need to accept that what that
letter was that's
what that new letter is that i blew off yeah you don't blow it off tell all
your credit card
companies know that if there is no money in the account you don't want it to go
through and you'll
save yourself all those over you'll you'll never have an overdraft so they're
forcing overdraft fees on
people they're trying to they're trying to go back to the old way where like
you would have seven
things go through like a three dollar charge and then you get charged 39 for an
overdraft fee
you're like well why did it go through i had no money in my account or if you
made a deposit to
cover it they let they input the deposit last last right and then bam bam bam
and they nail it well
deposit takes you know 90 days to go through where the charge only takes three
seconds yeah so i'm sorry
i know i understand there's nothing we can do i love that that's what you
always get there's nothing
we can do i'm right i don't nippy i like i got on a plane ticket the other day
and i show up and all
of a sudden i don't have a seat reservation i have one on the way out well it's
oversold well i didn't
do that and then and then the lady has like an attitude with me and it's like
what the i spent
four or five hundred bucks they asked me where i wanted to sit i picked out the
seat and i was told
i have a reservation and then you oversold you oversold you imagine if you did
that with a car
yeah so you somebody pays for a car and you go okay your car's waiting for you
and the guy comes
down no no it was oversold yeah i oversold that should be against the law i
wanted to make sure i
sold the car so i sold it twice yeah but that's not even as bad because you can
get in your car and
drive home imagine if they go somebody dropped you no no we oversold whatever
car you have so they
had to come and take yours and took it away and you're sitting in your house
going yeah but i i have to go to
the airport i'm sorry sir there's nothing we could do how can how can they do
that i don't i don't care
if they're losing money how can they sell more seats than there are seats that
should be that should
be i think they thought they figured out a way to have like remember 10 years
ago when used to go on
the road how many times was the seat next to you empty and occasionally you'd
get the whole row and
you curl up back in the good old days the good old days when does that happen
now and it never
happens now because they'll always say like uh they cancel flights and they'll
have people together
there you go they don't give a fuck about your convenience that's right and
they'll just give
away tickets to people that will like hey you get a free ticket if you you know
wait till the next
flight so they're not actually overselling it because they'll get rid of those
tickets i was
getting up against being here by 11 and i gotta get home to take my wife out of
the house because
she's going nuts staying in the house with the kids so i got that thing and i
gotta sign this other
you know life insurance you know i gotta do all this adult and i'm thinking i
got this little window
to get gas and i show up in this industrial park there's no gas station i
finally got all the way
down and the whole time it was like it's thrifty and i'm thinking like isn't
that a car rental place
so i pull in and uh i stick the credit right as i stuck it in i'm going this is
too easy because i know
i have the exact amount of time to get her right on time and of course it's
just like is this debit
i'm like oh you like no and they go go in and see the uh the guy behind the
register i'm like yeah i
try to use my credit card and he goes yeah we don't we don't uh we don't take
credit cards here and i
go why he goes i just take debit card i just kept saying why a two-year-old and
he finally just goes
so it's cheaper and i was like all right that's a that's a good excuse and i
gave him like 60 bucks
and it only ended up being like 39 so then i had to go back in and get my
change and he's looking at me
like see idiot it would have cost you like 15 more so i do that all the time
yeah i'm not a big fan of
those debit card only ones that's stupid why not you never use your debit card
use your credit card
anyway why what happens because that's your money so if somebody takes that and
then cleans you out
that's your if somebody swipes your credit card number that's their money so
then they call you
up and they just go hey joe did you buy a ham hock in vancouver at a strip club
uh well i know i didn't
i was in burbank good good luck with that has anybody ever bought a ham hock in
a strip club
dude you've given me every piece of the elk except that i've got some ham hock
for you
some uh some uh bone he can uh chop up and make marrow with so i got a i got a
buddy of mine who's a
lawyer who uh prosecutes uh identity theft which a lot of lawyers don't want to
do because it's
unbelievably tedious and they when they call up a lot of times they're calling
up the credit card
companies to uh to fight for their case they still have to go through that maze
if you'd like to do
this press one if you'd like to do that press two you know and they're trying
to help them out so
but that was one thing that i remembered out of all the things he told me not
to do he goes don't
ever use your debit card because if they get that and they clean you out that's
your money you know
and then all of a sudden you got a mortgage coming up and then you're late and
you're like no but
somebody took my my money and blah blah blah blah it's your credit card they
have to deal with it
i had an attempt recently and uh i'm i'm thinking i'm wondering whether or not
it's because i switched
over to windows because you know i have this windows computer now i get pissed
off at mac
people got mad at us clearing our throat and i just cleared my throat again
um i switched over to this windows computer because i get mad these macs they
switched over all the
ports and now you have this usbc and you have to get an adapter if you want to
use all your other
to it i know i got rosetta stone french right i can't there's no place to stick
the fuck yeah
you have to get an adapter you get so i was like what the how about the iphone
7 with the little
the lightning thing yeah yeah well you can get a splitter with that where it
goes with uh you can
use a regular headphone jack but it's all extra money yeah yeah extra money and
then you lose them
i think the idea is that eventually there's going to be some peripherals that
are more powerful and
they don't work in the existing ports but you know like i got this uh this lenovo
thinkpad and i love
it and this is the second one that i got because it's got everything it's got
an ethernet port it's
got hdmi it's got all this it's tiny the battery life is forever it's got this
fat battery in the
bottom but for the first time in a long time somebody tried to steal my
identity and i'm like jeez i
wonder if it's has to do with that i wonder if it's a windows thing does that
make sense um not
really could be could be something else i don't know but uh it's sneaky but at
least when i have a
business management company they contact me they put the stop to it right away
oh that's cool but
it's uh it's disconcerting that you're out there you know that someone's trying
to find your social
security number and attach it to your credit card and yeah buy something yeah i've
had it happening at
gas stations where they put that fake scanner on they put a fake scanner over
the scanner so as you scan
through and you're even allowed you even are using it like you're using your
credit card you're buying
gas but you gave them your credit card information yeah i've i've two times
credit cards that's
happening at gas station restaurants are another big double swipe thing yeah
restaurants well that's
people that work there scumbags you gotta go uh you gotta go cash as much as
you can i know right
isn't that crazy this never happened you don't know me i know a guy he's dead
now but he was one of
the first credit card thieves his name was international sal that's what we
used to call
him because uh when he got arrested that's what the that was what his nickname
was was international
sal because this is in like the 70s and the 80s when credit cards first came
out he would get those uh
those carbon slips from restaurants and they would make up new credit cards and
then sell them to
criminals and he would just get bags and bags of cash from it and this guy was
gambling he'd go to the
pool hall uh that i went to and just he was like the most perpetual loser you've
ever seen in your
life like he could not win it was a psychological sounds like an oscar winning
movie yeah this guy's
life well in a way it probably should be i mean he was a he was a trip
oh my god

Bill Burr & Joe Rogan - My Bank was stealing $28 every month!

who is they see because we were just talking about the military before we're
talking about
the military now we're talking about now i'm talking about corporations yeah i'm
talking
about big business where i think corporations are at the end you know every
quarter they have
to show a profit they're at the end of what of legal ways to do it so now they're
just straight
up beginning to steal like my bank that's taking 28 bucks a month out of my
account for no reason
i didn't even notice you know on the road one of those accounts you just you
know have a couple
on a button i finally said dude why are you taking 28 bucks out of this and
they did on the laptop oh
yeah we shouldn't be doing that yeah all right well i've had i've had this for
five years let's go
back they go unfortunately sir our records only go back four months yeah wasn't
that convenient i bet
if i was getting 28 bucks from you you know the other way i bet that they would
go back to the 60s
same thing happened to me it was three months and this is what they said to me
i said i said what if
i bring in all my records what if i bring in all my records and then they go
sorry it was still we're
only going to reimburse you four months i go i got that that's that's
ridiculous and then the guy at
the bank goes well the bank looks at it like that's on you right because i didn't
tell you to pay
attention that they're stealing they're stealing from paying attention yeah it's
what he was basically
saying what he was basically saying was lawyer up yeah lawyer up buddy go ahead
pretty much how it
works is that's why you have 30 days you know for credit cards you have 30 days
to return you have
30 days to make sure all these charges are correct once you get past 30 days
then you're pretty much
screwed dude they do other where if you if you say you're one of these guys i
pay off my balance
every month and you think you're getting them this is what they do is if uh if
you pay it three days
before it's uh this guy was telling me it ends up being late because they send
it somewhere else to be
process they deliberately they artificially delay it so by the time it does get
to the right
um it's messed up and this is one of those other things someone told me that in
a starbucks
and i got i got i got three quarters of the way through the sentence and i
realized i didn't have
any official right words i do know i do know there has to be something official
because nowadays you
can write a check and within hours that check clears your bank and i'm like
that's a check and it's going
through in two hours and like yes this is you know technology hasn't changed in
the banking system
so this is new but yet if you try to pay something off or do something like
that it's like immediately
or i mean it takes like three days on your like transfer funds right you know
it takes like three
days what it makes no sense it's artificial however long they can hold on to
your money they make
interest off your money too so i guess if you think about that like you know if
they hold on to your
money an extra few days before they do something and you add that up over you
know the million people
they have in their bank and the 365 days a year that practice probably nets
them a significant amount
of money if you look at it 28 bucks from every shit like me who doesn't check
for a year and i didn't
notice when it until it went under a thousand bucks because i knew i had a
thousand something in there
it was one of the thing accounts i had back east um so i came out here and i
was always meaning to
close it out you know it was like i had like 1200 bucks or something in it and
then all of a sudden
i'm out here for like a year and a half and all of a sudden i get my statement
and it was like down
to like 900 something bucks and that is on me it is on me because i didn't
realize that your bank
could steal from you and then just say well you know go yourself that's kind of
your fault tell you
what we'll give you like 80 90 bucks back all right there is that what they
gave you they gave you
like three months back i don't know if they did the guy just said he would i
walked out disgusted and
then uh the nba final started red circus and i started watching that and i
never followed up
there's actually something that just passed you guys uh especially the audience
might want to check
this out uh used to be a credit card like a bank or a credit card could like uh
if you had like seven
charges go through at the same time they can take out all those seven charges
and then charge you seven
overdraft fees that's how they used to be able to do it but something just
passed recently that you
could tell your credit cards and your bank that you if there's no money in your
account you're not
allowed to pull money out so they're they're trying to trick you into signing
and going no let's keep
it the old way so they'll call you up or they'll tell you like hey you know you
want to make sure
all these charges go through right yeah well you need to accept that what that
letter was that's
what that new letter is that i blew off yeah you don't blow it off tell all
your credit card
companies know that if there is no money in the account you don't want it to go
through and you'll
save yourself all those over you'll you'll never have an overdraft so they're
forcing overdraft fees on
people they're trying to they're trying to go back to the old way where like
you would have seven
things go through like a three dollar charge and then you get charged 39 for an
overdraft fee
you're like well why did it go through i had no money in my account or if you
made a deposit to
cover it they let they input the deposit last last right and then bam bam bam
and they nail it well
deposit takes you know 90 days to go through where the charge only takes three
seconds yeah so i'm sorry
i know i understand there's nothing we can do i love that that's what you
always get there's nothing
we can do i'm right i don't nippy i like i got on a plane ticket the other day
and i show up and all
of a sudden i don't have a seat reservation i have one on the way out well it's
oversold well i didn't
do that and then and then the lady has like an attitude with me and it's like
what the i spent
four or five hundred bucks they asked me where i wanted to sit i picked out the
seat and i was told
i have a reservation and then you oversold you oversold you imagine if you did
that with a car
yeah so you somebody pays for a car and you go okay your car's waiting for you
and the guy comes
down no no it was oversold yeah i oversold that should be against the law i
wanted to make sure i
sold the car so i sold it twice yeah but that's not even as bad because you can
get in your car and
drive home imagine if they go somebody dropped you no no we oversold whatever
car you have so they
had to come and take yours and took it away and you're sitting in your house
going yeah but i i have to go to
the airport i'm sorry sir there's nothing we could do how can how can they do
that i don't i don't care
if they're losing money how can they sell more seats than there are seats that
should be that should
be i think they thought they figured out a way to have like remember 10 years
ago when used to go on
the road how many times was the seat next to you empty and occasionally you'd
get the whole row and
you curl up back in the good old days the good old days when does that happen
now and it never
happens now because they'll always say like uh they cancel flights and they'll
have people together
there you go they don't give a fuck about your convenience that's right and
they'll just give
away tickets to people that will like hey you get a free ticket if you you know
wait till the next
flight so they're not actually overselling it because they'll get rid of those
tickets i was
getting up against being here by 11 and i gotta get home to take my wife out of
the house because
she's going nuts staying in the house with the kids so i got that thing and i
gotta sign this other
you know life insurance you know i gotta do all this adult and i'm thinking i
got this little window
to get gas and i show up in this industrial park there's no gas station i
finally got all the way
down and the whole time it was like it's thrifty and i'm thinking like isn't
that a car rental place
so i pull in and uh i stick the credit right as i stuck it in i'm going this is
too easy because i know
i have the exact amount of time to get her right on time and of course it's
just like is this debit
i'm like oh you like no and they go go in and see the uh the guy behind the
register i'm like yeah i
try to use my credit card and he goes yeah we don't we don't uh we don't take
credit cards here and i
go why he goes i just take debit card i just kept saying why a two-year-old and
he finally just goes
so it's cheaper and i was like all right that's a that's a good excuse and i
gave him like 60 bucks
and it only ended up being like 39 so then i had to go back in and get my
change and he's looking at me
like see idiot it would have cost you like 15 more so i do that all the time
yeah i'm not a big fan of
those debit card only ones that's stupid why not you never use your debit card
use your credit card
anyway why what happens because that's your money so if somebody takes that and
then cleans you out
that's your if somebody swipes your credit card number that's their money so
then they call you
up and they just go hey joe did you buy a ham hock in vancouver at a strip club
uh well i know i didn't
i was in burbank good good luck with that has anybody ever bought a ham hock in
a strip club
dude you've given me every piece of the elk except that i've got some ham hock
for you
some uh some uh bone he can uh chop up and make marrow with so i got a i got a
buddy of mine who's a
lawyer who uh prosecutes uh identity theft which a lot of lawyers don't want to
do because it's
unbelievably tedious and they when they call up a lot of times they're calling
up the credit card
companies to uh to fight for their case they still have to go through that maze
if you'd like to do
this press one if you'd like to do that press two you know and they're trying
to help them out so
but that was one thing that i remembered out of all the things he told me not
to do he goes don't
ever use your debit card because if they get that and they clean you out that's
your money you know
and then all of a sudden you got a mortgage coming up and then you're late and
you're like no but
somebody took my my money and blah blah blah blah it's your credit card they
have to deal with it
i had an attempt recently and uh i'm i'm thinking i'm wondering whether or not
it's because i switched
over to windows because you know i have this windows computer now i get pissed
off at mac
people got mad at us clearing our throat and i just cleared my throat again
um i switched over to this windows computer because i get mad these macs they
switched over all the
ports and now you have this usbc and you have to get an adapter if you want to
use all your other
to it i know i got rosetta stone french right i can't there's no place to stick
the fuck yeah
you have to get an adapter you get so i was like what the how about the iphone
7 with the little
the lightning thing yeah yeah well you can get a splitter with that where it
goes with uh you can
use a regular headphone jack but it's all extra money yeah yeah extra money and
then you lose them
i think the idea is that eventually there's going to be some peripherals that
are more powerful and
they don't work in the existing ports but you know like i got this uh this lenovo
thinkpad and i love
it and this is the second one that i got because it's got everything it's got
an ethernet port it's
got hdmi it's got all this it's tiny the battery life is forever it's got this
fat battery in the
bottom but for the first time in a long time somebody tried to steal my
identity and i'm like jeez i
wonder if it's has to do wi