Name: Bill Burr and Nia - How To Win An Argument With Your Laydee!
Uploaded: 2025-01-03T21:21:56.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr and Nia - How To Win An Argument With Your Laydee!' from Comedy University on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-01-03. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr and Nia - How To Win An Argument With Your Laydee!' from Comedy University on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-01-03. Transcript available.

Trying to have a logical argument with a woman you're dating.
Now just wait.
Do I need to be here for this?
Yeah, yeah, because you need to balance it out so this doesn't come off as
totally misogynistic.
All right?
What? You don't have to be here?
No, go ahead.
All right, just come on, Nia.
Be fun. Have fun.
All right, overrated.
Trying to have a logical argument with a woman you're dating.
It never ceases to amaze me.
Every time I overhear some retard complaining about some chick that won't
listen to him and argues with him all the time.
Any veteran dude who's been with a chick over 48 hours knows that they don't
stay on topic and they don't think logically.
They aren't trying to fix it.
It's an emotional thing with them.
So why anyone thinks they can talk to a chick in that mindset is beyond me.
The way I see it, most guys go one of two routes when presented with an angry
bitch.
This guy seems enlightened, right?
Yeah, exactly.
Why should I listen to anything this f***ing asshole has to say?
Don't let him make you mad.
He's throwing you off your game.
Anyways, either they choose the path of least resistance, saying yeah over and
over again and nodding and gazing into oblivion.
A lot of guys do that.
Those are the henpeck guys.
All right, yeah.
Okay.
Okay, fine.
Yeah, yeah.
Because they know whatever they say won't make a difference.
Or they pander to their petty, weak emotions and sensitivities by talking
slowly at a dull whisper, trying to calm and appease them.
Both methods have their benefits.
However, I'd like to offer a third avenue, if I may.
I've been faithfully married seven years now and it works so far.
Not that I'm an expert, but here you go.
Here's his third one.
All right?
First, like any competitive dude, you beat them at their own game.
When they come at you saying something like, why is this thock on the ground
and I told you to put it blah, blah, blah in that b****y whiny I want to fight
voice.
Wagging their finger and cocking their head sideways.
Are you this guy in a reality show or is this how his wife reacts?
Anyways, you just reply in your loudest tone whatever the f*** the last thing
that pissed you off was.
And as you say it, you keep eye contact and walk straight up to him.
So basically, if you said, why are these socks on the ground?
I'm supposed to, in my loudest voice, go and not break eye contact.
Walk right up to you and be like, why didn't you do the dishes last night?
And what is that supposed to do?
He's not done yet.
This is the beginning.
This is the first quarter.
Okay?
Let the game plan unfold here.
All right.
Where the hell am I?
I lost my place.
Usually, this will startle them.
As they come back.
No, come on, Nia.
You've got to listen.
As they come back.
This is like they tell you what to do when approaching a bear or something like
that.
Okay?
Make a lot of noise.
Just let me finish.
This guy is a douchebag.
Let me finish, Nia.
No, I'm here.
I'm here.
I'm here.
I'll be right back.
All right.
As they come back with what does that have to do with whatever we're arguing
about.
You just pull down your pants and start jacking your dick while they stand
there with that dumb, confused look on their face.
Nia, come on.
You've got to be back here for the reactions.
All right?
He's obviously joking.
And while they try it.
No, this is.
He's obviously joking.
Maybe this is forward thinking.
Let me finish here.
This is a new strategy.
And while they try to regain whatever thought they had in that scanner brain
skull, you just keep going to town, not saying a word.
If they talk to you till completion, you just say thank you.
That's about what that argument was worth.
And you walk away.
As you leave, pick up the sock or whatever and toss it in the hamper.
There you go.
That's his thing.
Well, at least he still puts it away.
Yeah.
Yeah, so everybody's happy.
No, he's joking.
This is obviously somebody who's pandering to your over-the-top, completely
ridiculous, misogynistic statements you say on a weekly basis on this podcast.
And he's trying to impress you by coming up with – I've seen this time and
time again.
Why don't you do the dishes?
Wait a minute.
Let me – wait a second.
Shut up.
No, this is just some copycat fan.
I'm supposed to take this seriously like this is a real thing?
I don't know.
I'm not giving this another bloody thought.
Next.
Anyways.
So he said, Bill, your way with dealing with women is pretty good, but it's
passive-aggressive.
I don't even know what he's talking about.
And I know how you feel about that – about being passive-aggressive.
Even if you're doing it to maintain the high road for your future breakup, why
does it matter if the – what does it matter if the relationship is over?
I don't know what he thinks my strategy is.
Anyways, he said, you might as well say fuck it and go out in a blaze of glory.
Granted, I know about losing your cool and shit like that, but in the end it
just builds up and leads to a bigger blowup.
You end up staring at the ceiling or yelling as you drive in the car thinking,
damn, I should have come back with this or that.
No, fuck that.
No matter how witty or snappy your comeback is, it wouldn't have made any
difference because that bitch isn't going to listen.
The only thing – you wouldn't know that this guy's happily married.
The only thing –
Yeah, you don't sound happily married.
Letting it – you're letting this guy get to you.
He's totally winning right now.
You're getting mad.
He said to pull out his dick and jacket until completion.
That's what I'm saying.
This is bull –
Obviously.
So why am I listening to this?
He's just trying to be funny.
Yeah, that's – that's what –
And you know what you're doing?
That's what I said.
You're being a fun sponge.
You're just sucking all the –
That totally isn't real.
You're taking it seriously.
So this guy actually asked me what my strategy is with women.
Well, I'm going to tell you this.
I actually – I'm doing a giant chunk of material on this.
I disagree with you.
Women argue – stay on topic if they're right, all right?
If they're wrong, that's when they do all the diversionary tactics and they try
to make it about something else.
And if you're not going for it, if you don't fall for their diversionary
tactics, then their last-ditch effort is to try to make you mad.
My strategy, yeah, is you don't – you don't lose your cool.
You stay on target, right?
Like that dude in Star Wars.
You stay on target and when they're saying over-the-top mean shit, you don't
respond to it because that's just them.
You ever see a goat get choked to death by a python?
Anybody else watch those f***ed-up YouTube videos?
You know?
They're stunned at first.
They fight.
And then there's that middle part like, dude, what the f***?
What is this?
And then the very end when they only have a little bit of air left, they f***ing
kick in their legs like a maniac before they die.
That's the female version.
That's the goat version getting killed by a python.
Jesus Christ.
Of women when they start saying that mean s***.
That's their last little kick of the legs before it's over.
So I don't respond to that s*** anymore.
Actually, I do a little bit, but I've gotten myself to the point where I know
that it's happening.
And then that's what I did yesterday.
She started doing that s***, and I just took my plate of food, and I walked in
the other room.
And I'm telling you.
But the big thing is if you're wrong, you have to admit it because that gives
you credibility in the future.
So there you go, sir.
And that was an absolutely f***ing hilarious e-mail, and it made it even funnier
with Nia sitting here taking it seriously.
That's ridiculous.
He wouldn't do that.
I'm calling bulls***.
He didn't jerk off until he came.
Like his wife.
I've got to tell you, though, that would be f***ing hilarious to do that.
I mean, I could stand there and rub my d***, but it would just be so funny to
me, I don't think I could get a hard-on.
I've got to be honest with you.
Oh, that's disgusting.
All right.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.