Name: Bill Burr - How To Deal With Bullies!
Uploaded: 2025-03-15T16:36:52.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - How To Deal With Bullies!' from Comedy University on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-03-15. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - How To Deal With Bullies!' from Comedy University on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-03-15. Transcript available.

well my high school I went to an arts high school and so the there wasn't
really a cafeteria there
was a place where the food came out of did you guys start singing in the middle
of it and jumping
up on the table people would be saying yes I didn't I was not doing those
things but yes that was a
thing that was happening at my high school not a joke totally sincerely wow
yeah that shit was
going down at my high school regularly I had the classic upperclassmen came
over and and told me I
had to take his tray up what yeah like he was done with his food and you had he
wasn't that big but
the kid he was with was big huh so you just had this big guy kind of I was a
little bit bigger than
me telling me to tape his take his tray up with a guy a lot not a lot bigger
but big enough are you a
freshman or a sophomore what was I was a sophomore you were already running
back on the football team
right no no I think my voice had barely changed how how dirty was this tray are
you having to like
balance stuff or I didn't do it I just said no I was just like all right I'm in
in school how deep
so how how long can this ass kick in I mean there's a teacher like you know
there's always a teacher
within I don't know at least 30 yards away so you just do the like white little
brother used to do when
he tried to get me in trouble with my parents if I'd slug him a couple times he'd
he'd just go oh
quit it he'd just make like a lot of noise I just would have done that so I
just said no I'm not
doing it and then he then he caved it's the first time I ever bluffed anybody
the other dude caved he
goes come on man I'm asking you to do it as a friend like he switched it up he
changed tactics
he tried to emotionally blackmail you yeah and then it worked out and then I
and it was weird I
wasn't scared when it happened but the second was over I was worried for the
rest of the day that he
was gonna beat the shit out of me oh for the tray thing then you got back to
the letter and you found
the you then you got back to your locker you found the letter he wrote for you
it was really kind of
heartfelt that he left right I found that he was just as attracted to me as I
was to him do you my
first do you like bussing my tray check yes no maybe the whole thing dumped
glitter all over
yeah how dirt were you did you have backup at your table though you must have
you weren't sitting by
yourself this sophomore year you already had the bird no we were all small yeah
we all the same
jackets on yeah it's like back here yeah they all had pictures of hornets
embroidered on the back
yeah there it was um nah you know it was what it was I didn't always win I
remember one time there
was some one of those guys just like he was he he was just a man child by
eighth grade I mean he
looked like an ape but he he stopped growing and by the time I was like a
sophomore in high school I was
actually taller than him but when I was in sixth grade he was in eighth grade
like this dude looked
like a fullback like he like he was probably like five six which was gigantic
for an eighth grader
and he was filled out I think he had he went all the way through puberty like
he was done
I remember I walked by him and I had my stupid oranges my hair was like mostly
only orange at that age
and I walked by and it was he was talking to these pretty girls and as I walked
by
like he grabbed the back of my head and just like didn't grab it but just mushed
his hand in my hair
and just went fire like that and there was nothing I could do about it and I
fantasized about
all of it beating the shit out of all this shit to that kid probably for about
a good 17 years
maybe my early 30s I finally let go of that it's so funny because in the
spectrum of bullying
that is so low like that it's like that is almost friendly you know it's weird
the things we
I mean I remember the oh I had other ones like literally physical ones yeah
yeah getting the
shit kicked out of you on the bus that was always fun I remember there's this
dude just started
punching me he was trying to explain this punch that he loved to do to people
he was using me as an
example this guy was such a bully that he had methods of punches he liked
punching in the side of the
head and then catching like the top of your ear you were essentially like the
guy in a women's
self-defense class only without the suit I just remembered all I was saying was
he'd hit me and I
go I just kept saying that didn't hurt and it totally did every time it fucking
hurt
I like the idea of bullies getting together I haven't even thought of that in
like 30 years
it's hilarious
oh my god