Name: Never Trust A Computer You Can't Throw Out | Bill Burr vs Steve Jobs
Uploaded: 2025-08-03T23:46:39.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Never Trust A Computer You Can't Throw Out | Bill Burr vs Steve Jobs' from Comedy University on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-08-03. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Never Trust A Computer You Can't Throw Out | Bill Burr vs Steve Jobs' from Comedy University on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-08-03. Transcript available.

Steve Jobs, everybody.
The original didn't really do anything turtleneck.
Do you know when white guys are taking credit for shit that they didn't do is
they wear
turtlenecks and they do that, you know, that fucking photo.
Like they're interesting.
Dear Billy Technology Tits, do you remember those iMacs that came out around
the year 2000?
I don't.
They were translucent.
Oh yeah, I remember those, the gumball color ones.
Some were different colors.
The monitor had the computer, was one piece, and there was a handle on the back
for easy
lifting.
Yeah, they were the original kettlebells.
A lot of nerds got strong one side of the body.
The reason they did this is because Steve Jobs said, "Don't trust the computer,
you can't
throw out the window."
What does that even mean?
But that doesn't work.
Like if your computer was like doing something bad to your life, that's not
your computer.
There's something beyond your computer that has accessed your computer.
So taking that thing and throwing it out the window doesn't end it, you know?
That's like the end of The Exorcist.
When the priest is going, you know, "Possess me, possess me."
And the devil went into him and then he jumped out the window and killed
himself.
He didn't kill the devil, he killed himself.
Was the devil like, "No!"
Like all of a sudden he was flesh and blood?
He wasn't.
I like that somebody's boozing already.
I love a day drinker, you know what I mean?
There's something peaceful about that.
You know, you've your whole life up, you've accepted it.
You know how day drinkers drink, they sit there, they always sit there, right?
And they got their skinny alcoholic legs, you know, and they got their leg
crossed.
And it's like right here and there's all these explosions of veins going down
it.
And they got that big belly and that I've never lifted a weight in my life.
They just sit there the whole time, right?
And they got their little napkin with their drink on it, and they just sit
there going like this.
The serenity to just knowing you lost it all, there's no way to rebuild.
You're not getting back, you're just sitting there waiting to die.
And then just meeting a higher power, you know?
And before he even opens his big, fat, all-knowing mouth, you just go, "Dude, I
know.
So what are you going to do, are you going to be the last person to judge me?"
Let me guess, you got something to say.
Did I choose the devil?
Is that what I did?
Isn't the devil your creation?
What the fuck are you mad at me for?
Oh, Steve Jobs.
I forgot.
Do you remember those IMAX that came out around the year 2000?
Yeah, they were translucent.
Don't trust a computer.
You can't throw out the window.
Maybe that made sense back then.
Like maybe 2000 technology, the feds were closing in, and you're like, "Oh,
fuck."
And you threw your gumball thing out the window, then they're like, "We lost
the signal."
"God damn it!"
"Six months of work down the fucking tubes!"
"I'm going to start a legislation, no more handles on computers!"
"All right, the monitor and the computer was one piece and there was a handle
on the back
for easy lifting.
Don't trust the computer you can't get."
"Aren't you glad you never had a computer with a handle?"
"And does this redeem Steve no-belt jobs in your eyes?"
"No!"
That's like he's in sex trafficking on Epstein Island and says, "Watch out for
that 12-year-old.
She has the clap."
"Oh, wow!
My whole perception of you just changed!
Thank you, you turtleneck cunt!"
You know you can blame for Steve Jobs?
Huh?
You don't even blame for that?
God.
Yep.
God made him too.
God makes all of these fucking people, never gets any criticism.
It's always the mountains and the prairies and the ocean so blue just makes one
fucking
psycho cunt after another that somehow ascends to the top, you know?
Oh my God!
Uh-uh.
Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh.