Name: Bill Burr Gives Brutal Relationship Advice to a 32 Year Old Virgin
Uploaded: 2025-11-16T02:14:33.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr Gives Brutal Relationship Advice to a 32 Year Old Virgin' from Comedy University on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-11-16. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr Gives Brutal Relationship Advice to a 32 Year Old Virgin' from Comedy University on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-11-16. Transcript available.

all right advice bill i am a 32 year old born again virgin and an eight by
choice
jesus christ once again i haven't read these so i'm discovering this right
along with you
um i haven't been laid in years and don't know why well it sounds like you got
a sense of humor
so already sir something positive you got a good sense of humor he goes i'm not
the ugliest guy in
neighborhood but that ain't enough the closest i came was a bj by a thick chick
last summer but even
a guy as desperate as me wouldn't wouldn't fuck her all right i have no problem
flirting with cute
bartenders but just can't seem to seal the deal maybe i'm too picky but i have
no interest in
screwing a broad i'm not attracted to please help a fellow sunburned fuck like
yourself get back on
the wagon love the podcast uh even more when nia is on she helps balance out
your insanity uh
please help another horny oh jesus christ i can't even read some of the shit
people write um all right
all right dude i'm going to compare this you being a born again virgin as i'm
going to compare this to
a stand-up comedian who just shot an hour-long special and now needs to write a
brand new hour
of material okay you're in a desperate situation you shot the thing it went
great you're excited
you celebrated that night and then the next day the clock's ticking your
special is going to come out
and anywhere from three to six months and so you basically it's probably gonna
come out probably
like four or five months so you basically have four or five months to come up
with a new hour of material
you know what the quickest way to do that is sir not be picky when i write a
new hour of material
all rules of hack are thrown in the garbage i don't give a fuck i'll do a monica
lewinski joke
anything to just be saying something different to get me talking about new so i
can leave the past
behind and can plow forward even that hacky shit will lead to the gold all
right so let's get to
you all of a sudden you know i don't want to bang this girl because she's thick
you didn't even say
fat she was thick sturdy can take a pounding she's right there waiting for it
to go down you don't give
it to her you know you're can you you're trying to drink johnny walker blue
right now okay and you
got you got two bucks in your pocket all right it's time to go with a little
natty like in a pussy sense
do you understand me sir now i'm not saying that you go out there and go bang
some and scabies ridden
prostitute i'm not saying that all right go out there find yourself a girl
looks clean
wear a fucking condom and and and you know as long as it's consensual here consensual
sex
you fuck the shit out of her all right you'll get your little swagger back
you know when i'm putting together my new hour i am i i can hate myself on
stage and shit that would
be a little funnier isn't because i don't feel strong and that's what you're
doing you don't feel
strong right now all right because your dick's been twisting in the wind for
god knows how long so
that's what i would do stop being so goddamn so goddamn picky did my girl just
call me what did you
say maybe that was a neighbor yelling i have no idea so that's what i would do
sir just uh stop being
so goddamn picky but don't lower your standards to the point where you're
risking uh you know
fucking an std or impregnating some toothless whore you understand me you know
what you got to do
all right here we go plowing ahead you're like somebody who doesn't have a job
and then the job
oh my god uh uh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh