Name: How to Survive Traveling in “Bankrupt” Greece - Bill Burr
Uploaded: 2026-01-11T21:30:36.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'How to Survive Traveling in “Bankrupt” Greece - Bill Burr' from Comedy University on Comedy Buff. Published 2026-01-11. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'How to Survive Traveling in “Bankrupt” Greece - Bill Burr' from Comedy University on Comedy Buff. Published 2026-01-11. Transcript available.

he's in i got day 12 here i'm telling you go through the holidays just do a
half hour cardio
every day all right and you pick your spots we eat like a moron ate like a moron
yesterday and
then today you get right back on it you know um and that way you start the year
you know you're
not a fat you don't got that extra 10 to 15 you don't want to deal with that or
you know or
whatever don't listen to me all listen to me okay here we go let's get to the
emails for this week
um all right mom worried about me traveling uh dear billy scrotum head i don't
know what that's
just mean for mean sake uh my girlfriend and i have been dating for five years
now and finally
decided to travel abroad together you taking your broad abroad um she is a
seasoned traveler but i
have yet to have traveled internationally well that's great she knows what she's
doing just
follow her lead uh we recently purchased purchased tickets to greece to pop my
cherry uh celebrate
slash celebrate her birthday uh i just told my mom about the trip and a few
days later received a text
from her very worried about traveling to greece slash out of the country i'm 27
years old uh mom
and scared of me getting uh you left out some words here buddy my mom is scared
of me getting killed
due to the country's current state and terrorists my mom took a few days to
research all the negative
things unemployment bankruptcy etc about greece to try to destroy me from going
well if she looked up
the is it santa rio santa rally what the that's frank center it's the comedian
what's that beautiful
place you stay it's all every all the buildings are white it's right on the mediterranean
sea if she
looked that up she'd be fine listen if you live in america and you just sit in
your in your if you're
going to listen to international news they're not going to talk to you about
great you got to watch the
travel channel if they're going to show the news all you're going to hear is
bad that's like everybody
in everybody in england thinks everybody like over here weighs 400 pounds and
owns 15 guns and you walk
down the street i'll put them on your hip you know what i mean i see just as
many fat in in great
britain maybe not as much but there's a lot of fish and chip eating rotted
teeth dirty dirty white
people out there but that's all that's all you're going to know tell her to put
on the travel channel
send her a couple of links all right anyways he goes i understand that she's
worried about her son
but i'm also aware that she lives in a shell and she's never traveled abroad
after hearing on the
podcast that you have been to greece recently no i haven't i want to go there i
went to italy recently
my question for you is do you think an average joe first time parentheses
nervous travel like myself
will feel safe any words to put me at ease i would love to hear what you have
to say good or bad
as this will help in my decision dude the greatest thing is you're going um
with your girlfriend
and she's a seasoned traveler she'll know what to do so just follow her lead
but i would encourage you
to step out of your shell learn a couple of phrases the locals love when you
make an attempt to speak
their language even in paris as much as they get if you're really trying and
you're showing respect
for their culture and you're on your best behavior that's another thing too
when you travel abroad you're
on your best behavior unlike all these fucking europeans so many of them that
come over here
they literally start trashing america to you in the united states of america it's
like jesus christy
what the is wrong with you you know what i mean like as much as i was just
teasing when i go over
there i'm on my best behavior all right i go on stage i'll tease them a little
bit but in general
i talk about what a great time i'm having there you can easily pick apart any
place that
you go to um so anyways i i would learn a couple of phrases um dude you're
gonna eat you're gonna have
food over there like you've never had here before you're gonna see things you've
never had you have
to swim in the mediterranean sea it is life-changing and dude i'm telling you
right now if you have any sort
of stress in your life if you stay along the mediterranean from spain all the
way over to greece
like you can't fucking miss you know just all i would say is just watch out for
pickpockets
okay those gypsies are are the fucking bill belichick and tom brady's of pickpocketing
i mean they
it is a fucking art form they're so good at it you almost won't be mad like how
the
did they do that all right so that's the biggest thing that i would worry about
and especially
watch your wife with their big stupid fucking purses and they're all excited
and they're
fucking looking around this is what you do all right you make a copy of your
passport okay copy
your fucking passport and you fucking keep you you know have it in the safe at
the fucking hotel
all right keep it at the hotel i take my chances with some cleaning lady taking
your passport she ain't
gonna fucking do that right you have a copy of that all right um i would
definitely wear some sort of
fucking like pants that have zippers on them that you can zip that shut and
when a bunch of people
start coming up to you crowding you be it on the subway or anything like that
you put your hand on your
fucking wallet you have it right there i wouldn't have don't have any fucking
thing of value whatsoever
and i'm telling you right now this is probably making you nervous or whatever
this is just
this is just you know misdemeanor stealing but will make your life miserable
because you're gonna have
your credit cards and all that type of and your money and all of that it's just
you know pickpockets
is the only thing that i ran into when i was over there that's the only thing
you have to worry about
and just really really be super hyper aware when you're walking up to um
whatever the
touristy thing what do they got over there they have the ruins all of that you
know you're gonna
go any any of that type of stuff like in paris if you go up to the eiffel tower
you have your hands on
your and when people come walking up to you um speaking in english just
literally just go no
ablo no ablo and just and if they keep coming at you just say get the away from
me
i'm telling you right now you just tell them to get the away from you any of
those
broads coming up to you they want to you know you're at the eiffel tower what
are you gonna you
stand in line you go in the eiffel tower get the away from me they're coming up
there to steal from you
watch out for their kids that's the only fucking thing because they are fucking
tremendous at it
um that's all anytime you walk out of there and i would also the next advice i'd
give you is um
like just bring carry on i'd even say that to your wife too just bring your
girlfriend just bring carry
on you're gonna wear the same fucking t-shirt and shorts basically every
goddamn day no one's gonna
give a fuck you're on vacation flip-flops and all of that type of okay all i
can say is just like you
know under pack and if you want to buy um if you want to buy like some touristy
you know what i love
i love magnets i love those patches those flags that you're gonna sew onto a
coat or some you know
you have the memories you have the pictures you what are you gonna you know you
go out and buy some
wooden shoes and a big beer stein if you want to buy some like that ship it
back do that just go there
have a good time watch your valuables when you're around if you're on the
subway
and if you're near anything touristy other than that have a great time chill
out
eat the best food you're ever gonna have and swim in the mediterranean sea
and you'll have those memories for your whole life it's the greatest thing
and i feel bad for your mom that she's never traveled outside of the country
because it's a great thing
oh my god