Name: Bill Burr: Racism & Trump
Uploaded: 2017-01-24T22:01:46.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr: Racism & Trump' from Bill Burr Advice on Comedy Buff. Published 2017-01-24. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr: Racism & Trump' from Bill Burr Advice on Comedy Buff. Published 2017-01-24. Transcript available.

Maybe it's time to do a little...
Oh, Trump gets sworn in this week, you know?
He gets fucking sworn in.
And I would feel so much better about that guy, you know?
It's not the racist people that he's putting in there.
You know, as unsettling as that is...
I mean, everybody's fucking racist, you know?
Well, that's not true.
There's different degrees of it, but everybody has it.
Even people who are victims of it, they have it.
You look at another group of people, everybody's done that.
You look at a group of people, you think something like,
oh, it's like this, and then you go over there,
oh, it's actually like that.
Wow, why did I think that?
And it all was in your fucking head, you know?
I got to do a bit about this.
I was driving down the street the other day,
badoobadoop, right?
Driving down the street, and I see this group of young kids.
The school had just let out, right?
This is not a good sign right here.
I'm driving by a school right when the school got out.
I'm caressing my leather.
No, I'm driving down the street,
and these kids are all outside like...
It's right around the corner from where I'm playing drums.
Here's my alibi.
I swear to God, I was playing drums around the corner.
And it's one of those stores that sells like,
you know, all the fucking snacks and shit
that you eat afterwards, and you get all fucking wired.
So I'm driving by there,
and usually I get fucking annoyed
because the kids are fucking walking across the street.
They're not looking both ways and all that shit,
and then it takes me forever to make a fucking
left or right-hand turn.
Well, this day, they were all up on the sidewalk,
and I saw this movement.
I kind of glanced over,
and none of the kids were white,
and when I saw this action,
I thought I was watching somebody
getting the shit kicked out of them,
potentially getting beaten into a gang.
That's what my brain told me I was watching.
When I looked closer,
there was like seven kids standing around,
one kid looking at a fucking smartphone,
and then some other kids just sort of fucking,
you know, doing whatever,
running around in the background.
And I was thinking,
why the fuck did I just think that?
You know?
So before you fucking call all these assholes,
all these racist assholes,
you know, you got to get that shit out of your head.
I was thinking,
why the fuck did I think that?
Part of that is from the shit that I see on TV.
Right?
I think your brain just goes,
once it gets stuffed down,
like how to make cereal,
it just gets it down.
Like, okay, just grab this,
fucking put this in here,
and there you go, fucking cereal.
You know?
It connects from one vision to this, this, this,
and it's like a mode of like survival,
which works,
but in that instant,
that didn't work, did it?
I went from that
to a couple of fucking Ice Cube videos,
whatever gangster rap videos are in my head,
shit that I saw in the news.
Right?
I can't say there was fear.
There was no fear.
I was just driving down the street,
and I looked,
and that's what I thought.
You know?
But I kind of do that all the time.
You know, I read a kid's book
to my unborn daughter last night, right?
Supposed to make him smarter, right?
And I was reading this kid's book,
and halfway through the book,
I realized I didn't,
I had no fucking idea what it was about.
So maybe I'm just a moron.
I have no idea,
but seeing how what a flawed fucking person I am,
I can't judge,
I can only judge people so fucking harshly, right?
Honestly.
I mean, I can trash a fucking Meryl Streep.
I can go off on a Donald Trump,
but at the end of the day,
I'm a fucking lunatic, right?
I read a kid's book,
and I couldn't figure out what it was about.
It was about this fucking caterpillar,
all right?
And they were like,
on day one,
it ate an apple.
On day two,
it ate two pears.
On day three,
it ate fucking three plums,
right?
So right there,
I'm like,
all right,
this is like reverse Christmas story,
rather than going like,
seven swans are swimming,
six geese are laying.
It fucking starts with the fucking tree.
The partridge in the pear tree,
now it's moving up.
And it seems to me like it's about eating healthy,
and food,
and counting,
and then it gets up to like 12 or something,
and the thing just completely abandons its fruit diet.
And instead it had a fucking couple slices of pizza,
and ice cream,
and all this shit,
and then it had a big stomach ache.
So then I was like,
all right,
this is about childhood obesity.
And I actually lied in that.
It never dawned on me that it was about counting.
And Nia was like,
I finished the book.
The thing turned into a butterfly.
And I said,
and I said,
the end.
And I looked at Nia,
and I said,
I have no idea what that fucking book was about.
She laughed.
She goes,
it's about counting.
I go,
it's not about not eating junk food,
because it ate all that fruit,
and everything was fine.
And then it ate all that other shit,
and then it got sick,
and she was like crying,
laughing at me.
I don't know what that has to do with Trump,
but I really wish that idiot would get off of fucking Twitter.
He's a fucking mess.
He said about China,
it's time to take the gloves off.
He's doing that George Bush thing
where you talk about other countries
like you're trying to psych somebody out
before a bar fight,
and nothing gets people more excited.
You know what?
That gets morons excited like,
yeah,
let's have some tough talk,
right?
You're fucking idiots.
He's like trashing SNL
because they're doing sketches about him.
It's just like,
I don't,
I don't,
I don't,
he cannot be running his Twitter account.
There's no way he's this fucking sensitive,
or he has the time to do this.
Shouldn't he be addressing it?
My worst fear is that he's going to become president
and just deregulate everything
so he can build a golf course wherever the fuck he wants to.
Like,
that's really,
that's his idea of making it great again.
I hope I'm fucking wrong.
I have no idea.
Having said all that,
still,
as much as he's a nightmare,
unbelievably,
unbelievable joy watching Hillary lose.
Oh,
I love to see.
Yeah.
Pack your bags.
Okay.
Pack your bags there.
Fucking.
Yeah.
I'm not going to say it.
All right.
Let's,
let's,
let's continue on.
All right.
Let's,
I'm off the fucking rails here.
All right.
42 minutes in.
Can we,
can we read these last two advertising?
Then I'll do your questions for the week.
All right.
Helix.
Helix.
Hey,
by the way,
why don't you guys send those in?
Send in your,
I looked at this,
thought it was this way,
and then it was another way,
but nobody heard me say it.
So everybody thinks I'm a great guy.
And that goes for non-whities too.
Cause I know you're looking at us or some other group of people,
Koreans or some shit or whatever.
You know,
I know you're thinking something.
All right.
Helix.
Helix.
All right.
You're unique.
And I actually,
you know,
as much as I'm,
I'm not really joking around about this shit,
but I think that people have to be able to say that they have those
fucking thoughts.
I mean,
this fucking,
uh,
progressive left thing where you have to act like you're just walking around
going,
I don't see color.
I don't care if you're black,
white,
green,
or purple.
And it's all of those,
all of that fucking,
uh,
sing songy horse shit.
Um,
even those people,
even those people,
like you get them in the wrong situation and the fear comes up,
they're going to think something fucked up.
They're going to,
um,
all right.
So if you have any of those stories,
I want to hear,
I want to hear,
and then I'll try to,
I'll,
I'll try to guess why you think that way.
Okay.
So I'm guessing with mine,
it's,
uh,
the news and all the gangster rap videos that I used to watch.
And I'm,
I'm old.
So that was back when you could actually have a gun in the video.
And then also I've,
I think I've watched too many of those life on the inside prison things.
You know what I mean?
All of those things where you just look at it and going like,
I would last 15 seconds in there.
I've watched all those ones about gangs.
I've watched the ones about motorcycle gangs.
It's probably my,
uh,
my intake of,
of,
of television and YouTube videos.
I watch videos of people sucker punching people.
Um,
bully fails.
I watch a lot of violence.