Name: The Jeselnik & Rosenthal Vanity Project / The Cleanest Part Of The Human Body (Full Episode 190)
Uploaded: 2023-02-01T19:13:24.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The Jeselnik & Rosenthal Vanity Project / The Cleanest Part Of The Human Body (Full Episode 190)' from Anthony Jeselnik on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-02-01. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The Jeselnik & Rosenthal Vanity Project / The Cleanest Part Of The Human Body (Full Episode 190)' from Anthony Jeselnik on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-02-01. Transcript available.

The Jeselnik & Rosenthal Vanity Project / The Cleanest Part Of The Human Body (Full Episode 190)

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We've got some great emails. We've got recommendation station. What if I didn't
give you any specifics
in the top of this show?
I'd say you're mailing it in.
You wouldn't even know. It's all happening in episode 190 of the Jeselnik and
Rosenthal
Vanity Project.
JRVP.
Junior Vice President.
Gratitude is a sickness suffered by dogs.
Frazzled. The perfect game's already gone.
You know? I don't think you ever had an intention of a perfect game.
I had a perfect game, but I mean even just stumbling over the intro a little
bit here.
You didn't know you were pitching today. You didn't have an intro. Normally you'd
like set up,
but here are a couple of stories, here's some teases. What happened this week?
It's been too long. You know, you got laryngitis, you got sick, it's two weeks,
and suddenly I just forgot how to do the show. I read the ads and I was like,
oh, this is when Anthony comes in and gives his little funny quote. I guess I
am Spacey.
You called me that right before the show.
Do you want to ask one of my quotes from this week? It is a funny quote.
Please, tell me what it is.
Gratitude is a sickness suffered by dogs. Funny quote. I looked up sick quotes
because I was sick.
I was like, let me quote something about being sick. And I saw this is by your
boy. And I was like,
I'll give, I bet Greg knows this quote because you love this guy so much.
Remember in college,
you were always talking about him. You thought about naming your son after him
and didn't.
Joseph Stalin.
Joseph Stalin. Gratitude is a sickness suffered by dogs. I don't even know what
that means.
I don't know what it means. You shouldn't be, you shouldn't have gratitude. You
shouldn't be grateful.
Don't go to traffic. Gratitude is for dogs. I don't know. I don't know.
I mean, everyone has weird things they get into, uh, during college. Like we
shouldn't be responsible
for that. Yeah. Big Stalin guy, big Stalin guy, Greg. Uh, it's okay. It's all
right. How are you
doing? Much, much, much better. Still like you get sick. And then for like
weeks afterwards,
you still like a little bit of a cough, you know, it's like, you're not like,
if I don't have Kleenex
on me, I'm like, I'm a little worried, but, uh, two, uh, two weekends or 10
days ago, whatever.
Brutal. And I, I still don't understand what exactly happened because if you go
back to the
last podcast we did, I'm fine. I am a hundred percent fine in that podcast. I
look good. I feel
good. Uh, I had a better jacket on and the, uh, the YouTubers were noticing
they really liked my
jacket. They didn't really notice your jacket. You pointed out in a text to me,
like they didn't even
notice my $5,000 jacket, uh, because my jacket. I mean, I've had that jacket
for many, many years
now. Uh, so it's not going to be like the set the world on fire. What was funny
though, was in the
comments before like, where'd you get that jacket? Where'd you get that jacket?
And the answer, if
someone answered them was usually it's probably Amicus. So who knows how much
they really liked it,
but it was a sharp jacket. Uh, did steal some eyeballs. I probably wouldn't
have told people how much my
jacket cost on the air, but that's Greg, that's Greg swooping into my life and
spilling, spilling his
guts. Uh, so anyway, I, I leave the podcast last week. I felt fine during the
podcast. I get home
and I'm not feeling great. I'm like a little more tired than I should be. My
throat, I feel something
in my throat. It's not scratchy. It's not bad, but I'm like, I've got to go to
bed super early. I've
got an early flight to go to Raleigh. I go to bed early. I get up, I feel okay.
Get on the flight.
Flight's okay. I get in that night and I'm like, this is, this is bad. I've got
to like damage
control. So I go out to like a, I go to like a steakhouse with my opener down
the street from
the hotel. Uh, and just eat like a big, just chunk of meat. Just like get this
protein in me
and I'm pounding water, lots of water. I get some lozenges. I get some vitamin
C and stuff.
I've got my athletic greens. I'm going to do my best. Wake up Thursday. It's a
little bit worse
to the shows. And my voice is leaving me. I sound scratchy. I don't sound great.
And there's
like, I know there's like really nothing I can do. I've never really lost my
voice. I've been sick
on stage, but the adrenaline gets you through it. So I'm counting on the
adrenaline. I wake up Friday
and I'm in trouble and I'm trying, I'm calling around. I'm trying to get my
team to get me a
steroid shot, which happens. I did. I think I did one on the Jesselnik
offensive. Like the second season,
I got really, really sick, like three weeks before the end of the season. And
there's nothing I would
like pump me full of whatever you need to get me through this, the rest of the
season. And I know
that like actors will do it sometimes if you really need it. Like it kind of
gets you through the next
couple of days and you get a little bit more sick afterwards, but it helps you
there. And we could
not find the steroid shot. I get an IV. A nurse comes with an IV, pumps me up.
I get to the show.
Who's calling for the IV?
My manager. I text everyone and I'm like, guys, I'm in trouble here. And I've
never had this on the road.
I've been sick on the road, but I'm like, never like my voice is going like, I
don't know if I
can do this. And, uh, they get me the IV. I'm a little bit better. A lot of it's
like they put
a lot of ibuprofen in it. It's like my throat that is like swollen up a little
bit, goes down a
little bit, but doing the shows, anyone who's at the shows could tell you I
sounded like I sounded
bad. I'm getting, I'm the words are fine. I sound scratchy. I can't, I can't
change my voice.
I can't like, there's a couple of times where I like, I'm a little bit louder.
I say things
differently. That's gone, but the shows are great. And it's a brand new club. I
was the grand
opening of this, of new Charlie Goodnights in Raleigh. So I feel a pressure.
Like I want
the club to do well. Uh, and it doesn't even occur to me that I won't be able
to finish the
weekend, but I'm like, and there in the club is like, what can we do for you?
And I'm like,
I don't think there's anything. I'm just pounding fluids and I'm doing
everything I can to like
sleep, take care of myself. I wake up Saturday and it's over. It's like my
throat's gone.
I text, uh, my team again. And I'm like, guys, like, I'm going to do what I can
to like
even try to get through half a show tonight, but I don't know what's going to
happen. And I know I've
got to cancel next weekend because of how bad I feel right now. My, and my
agent gets back and he's
like, listen, we're going to cancel tonight. Like you sounded really, really
bad. We're going to
cancel tonight. We'll cancel next weekend. Let's take care of yourself. It's
okay. And my manager's
like, you need to go to a doctor. And I say, and like, when I get sick, I turn
into a baby
and this is how I knew I was still like, kind of like manning up until she said,
you should see a
doctor. And that's when I say the immortal words. I asked you for a doctor
yesterday and you sent me
an IV and then it's all hands on deck. Everyone knows, okay, Anthony's in baby
mode. They get me to
an urgent care and they're like, let me, they test me. Have you apologized
about this?
About your behavior? No, it was, I said, I said this, it was an email, but that's
when it's like
the switch is flipped. The switch has flipped and I'm in baby mode and they
know like, okay, this is
serious. He doesn't just not feel well. He's like, he's in bad shape to be
talking to people like
this. And I go to urgent care. They test me for strep. They test me for COVID
flu, everything.
That's like, it's nothing. Uh, you have like a throat infection. You're not,
your throat is like
inflamed. You have to just like rest. You don't talk, rest, sleep fluids. You're
not contagious.
So I go home, my opener, uh, Blair Soki, Soki, sorry, goes in headlines tonight.
Uh, they just
want to get people in the club. She's like, it was like the attendance was half.
They had to announce
it to people like hours before the show that I wasn't able to be there, which
is terrible. I mean,
I've never had, I can't even imagine having to cancel like one third of the
weekend. I'm already
there. I would have done anything to have done those shows. But bad for the
club,
I will be back in Raleigh. And I, I said, I'll even go do a whole new weekend
in Raleigh.
Raleigh is awesome. Uh, the club was, the club was incredible. I loved it. The
shows were killer.
Even being sick. I was like, this is great. I'm just not enjoying it because I
can't,
I'm physically unable to enjoy this, but I would go back into a whole weekend.
I'll definitely come
back and make up those two shows. Uh, I feel terrible for the club. It was, it
could have been a
great opening weekend. They were all sold out. I will be back to make it up. Uh,
Fort Wayne. I had to
cancel this weekend or this past weekend. I'm going to do that. That's being
rescheduled for this
summer. And then they announced it. Fort Wayne puts out a thing being like,
Anthony Justin like had
to cancel due to illness. He'll be back in the summer. He'll be back in like in
the summer. And
people, my friends texted me to be like, are you okay? Thinking that the
announcement meant that I
was going to be sick until the summer. No, I've got other tour dates I have to
do. I will make them up
when I can come back. But I think they've already booked it. I don't know if
they've announced it yet,
but this summer I'll be back in Fort Wayne. And next time I'm near Raleigh, I
will, I will come
back and make up two shows, maybe four. I'll do a hundred shows in that club.
It's a great club.
And I feel truly, truly terrible for having to cancel, but it was awful. I, I,
so I'm, I'm Saturday. I
have, I have off. My Blair goes out and gets me like a million bottles of water,
brings into my room
and I'm just like drink. I'm just like pounding water, like falling in and out
of sleep. I'm feverish
and I go to sleep. I wake up at like two in the morning and I'm getting picked
up at four to go to
the airport. I can't go back to sleep. I take like two showers, just trying
anything to like for
comfort. And then I get on this plane. It's a 6am flight to LA and it's like
the worst six hours of
my life. Just like sitting there, couldn't sleep. Just sitting there, just like
staring at the screen
that like that little, like where it tells you where the airplane is in the sky,
just waiting 