Name: The Jeselnik & Rosenthal Vanity Project / Improving The Water Supply (Full Episode 199)
Uploaded: 2023-04-12T04:23:30.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The Jeselnik & Rosenthal Vanity Project / Improving The Water Supply (Full Episode 199)' from Anthony Jeselnik on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-04-12. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The Jeselnik & Rosenthal Vanity Project / Improving The Water Supply (Full Episode 199)' from Anthony Jeselnik on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-04-12. Transcript available.

The Jeselnik & Rosenthal Vanity Project / Improving The Water Supply (Full Episode 199)

go for it oh yeah if you're like me you want the best for your dog or for anthony's
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them all out uh i'm also
going to spell out how the right way to wash yourself uh peeing in the drinking
supply and when
going after your neighbor goes wrong all coming up in episode 199 of the jessel
nick and rosenthal
vanity project jrvp junior vice president how many times good god have i not
wished it were possible
you know that was my bad this time i thought when you said 199 i was like wait
you're wrong but i'm
wrong we are so close to 200 i think we've got an update on the uh fan fiction
the erotic fiction
uh coming up later in the show people are getting excited people are stopping
me on the street yeah
it's gonna be a national holiday first i just want to say shout out to you for
that talkify ad you read
that ad only like someone who just wants to cheat in their wife so badly who
was looking for an outlet
and talkify might be it for you that i i like you just you get like a you get
kind of like a twinkle
in your eye a twinkle in your eye that you only get when one of my friends
kills themselves
um that i like to see it in terms of a uh what is that supposed to mean it
means we talked about this
last time one of my friends died and you tried as i'm making jokes about how
comedians uh die early
and i said you always do this and you're like yeah but i said it with a twinkle
in my eye you don't
remember this the fans do aaron knows sure yes it was a long time ago oh yeah
it was i guess it just
seems like yesterday that my friends died um you want to know my quotes from
sure i'm not going to
tell you it's from the book i'm recommending at the end it's a it's from a
famous book but that no one
has read you're recommending like a classic you usually get on me for stuff no
this is a book about a
classic no i don't get on you for recommending classics unless it's like a
classic that you read in the
eighth grade which you have done but sometimes those are uh under uh
appreciated i mean in terms
of by like adults little women yeah that was a good one diary of uh and frank
and frank are those the
two that you're really thinking of ethan from yeah those that's it i never
recommended ethan from
you should i didn't really love it it's great um i like a good sled crash at
the end um spoiler
again uh good week again we're we're delayed a week uh greg doesn't want to
talk about that we're
taking off next week because but there will be a podcast next week now it's
getting very confusing
i don't want to talk about it because you're terrible at understanding you've
already fucked it up like
five times things the things we're going to talk about i can't fuck up my own
podcast okay
a painter can't fuck up his own painting it's just it's just different than
what you expected
so but like we can be our quote we're taping this this is coming out a week
later but we're taping
this the night of the uh ncaa men's national championship game uh aaron's yeah
aaron's alma
mater uh san diego state university which i assume you went to for two years
five and a half
five and a half really wow you embarrassed yourself the other way five and a
half were
you an architecture student no film major oh okay that makes sense but it took
me a while to
figure it out well san diego state what did it take you a while to figure out
actually if you want
to know the full story i i did the math wrong on how many classes i need to
take a semester to get
out in four years and so i was off by a year wow wow that that's why i was in
remedial math
that first semester that should be uh grounds for not letting you graduate yeah
that's a that's a
that's a big mistake then again san diego state famously difficult to get
through you know challenging
uh yeah it's the arizona state of california um yeah we're the games uh going
on right now pretty
much um we don't give a shit aaron kind of does but not not that much you're
playing baseball i went
to yeah i went to two whole games uh my entire four year five and a half years
there so i i do care
actually i used to be a huge yukon fan that was like my number one school
growing up were you with
me uh on the uh night they won uh they beat duke in st petersburg we randomly
were i believe uh
first spring break that was the first time any team i rooted for like rooted
for it won a
championship that was very you know if i don't know if i was with you or i just
remember like i
remember rooting for yukon because of you and being excited that they won maybe
in the run up to
it but yeah i think we were there it was me and and uh jamie osher and connor
and and our friends
gilly and darcy i uh i'm into this one though because walker entered uh our
friend gilly's
tournament pool he did all the picks uh did it uh on emica's account and uh if
yukon wins this thing
he wins the pool really and so i'm feeling a little conflicted because i'm like
is this kind of
he already seems like very uh into like sports betting for an eight-year-old
you're passing down
and uh yeah he he entered it made all the picks himself and uh he's already
going to get second
place at worst but uh i'm we i am i'm not sure what to do i don't think we want
to give him all
the money it's too much money it's like 47 people in this pool how much money
is it i don't even want
to say we haven't told him i guess it's fine to say it's over 600 that's fine
to say um i would
i would suggest give it to me give that money to me and teach him a lesson we
won't we won't do that
we've sold them on this that you're going to share it with everyone um that we're
a family and we're
all going to get a piece of it um he wanted to break it up i mean he even went
down to the money he's
like well we won't tell him how much is it if it was a thousand bucks how about
you get 200 mommy
gets 200 ellis gets 200 and i get 400 i was like that's pretty good that's
pretty good yeah he gets
40 i mean and then he and then he suggested maybe i'll give 200 to nori which i
thought was sweet
the live living turtle the tortoise seaweeds the dead one seaweeds dead okay i
would suggest
take the money throw a party give him like an envelope with some money in it
and then just have
a party and be like this is you share the wealth you know invite your friends
over have some pizzas
you know hang out and like and just have a party whenever you win that way
teaches him a lesson of
like you know spread the wealth when you get it well that was what i thought
the family thing was
about we don't really have many friends i guess like give the money to people
like have a party
where everyone gets to have like a family thing and walker's like go out to
dinner and like walker's
paying for it like so he feels like good that's pretty doing something to the
family that it's not
just handing cash to people that's pretty good yeah i mean you would be a great
uh parent like if it
took no day-to-day work and like emotional availability i would think if i was
a parent i wouldn't have
this gambling problem stare me down in the first place well that's why i didn't
want to talk about
now it's all totally out of date either we're talking about something that didn't
happen uh or
my family's in huge trouble because walker's running the show now big boss let's
uh let's get our thank
yous out of the way uh again we showed up this week with a present uh for jrvp
didn't say if it was for
me or for greg so i'm gonna take it that's how it goes if you want to send
something for greg you got
to say this is for greg it is from our friend uh from penguin penguin random
house we know that
okay okay then maybe they're just hooking it up but this is uh the king is dead
by uh by walter
tevis tevis tevis i believe uh he wrote um uh the king the queen's gambit which
i loved and then greg
loved and now they're sending us his book of short stories i don't know if it's
new or not but i'm
looking forward to reading it it's like a new collection there's a lot of uh
billiard stories it's a
really pretty cover yeah i don't know how old like the queen's gambit is i
assumed it was older
because of the time period that it takes place in but uh maybe it's more recent
this is like a new
stuff i don't know i have to do some research but again we like getting gifts
send things to the all
things comedy studio and say who it's for you know if it's just if you just
send something randomly
i'm taking it if you want it to go to greg it's got to say greg not anthony
because if it just says
greg i'm taking it and if you wanted to go to erin then i don't know what to
tell you
i don't know what to tell you send erin a calculator um uh last week we talked
about um tour announcement
dropping it again the time means nothing now it actually dropped today but this
is airing to a
week later uh tour announcement is out i i woke up this morning it got
announced at 9 a.m i woke up at
9 30 and a million texts already from like friends of mine from around the
country who were like i'm
going to this show i'm going to that show which is cool and then i looked and i
forgot it's been a
while since i've announced the tour and i forget what it's like and here's what
it's like it's like
everyone in the world yelling at you for not going to their city and a lot of
times it's it's 50
places i'm going to go like again this is just the fall tour this is just september
through uh
december like la is not on it for instance la is not on it yet uh and um like
minneapolis people
like where's minneapolis like minneapolis is coming in the spring philly coming
in the spring
and these are places people are like mad it's not on the tour it's like this
might be where i tape my
special if it's if you don't see it in the fall tour maybe it's going in the
spring maybe it's a
special taping which i'm considering minneapolis and philadelphia leaning philadelphia
i'll say that
um and a lot of people get mad about that i'm not coming to their city when i've
already been to
their city i've seen like no phoenix what the fuck i went to phoenix i went to
phoenix last year
i did six shows in phoenix salt lake city i went to salt lake city six shows in
salt lake city so
do your research consider yourself lucky salt lake city yeah you over indexed
on jeselnick
i do what i like um but i'm excited to see how the uh the sale goes uh they it's
the pre-sale starts
wednesday um code is jrvp tour is called once again it started like a week ago
yeah yeah but if you're
listening to this now like go go and do it the tickets are now on sale totally
i think they left
some things off the uh off the tour dates there's a couple dates i'm doing in
the summer that i left
off the major announcement just for the clarity of the poster but if people
want to go well when i'm
coming to vegas i'm coming this summer and i'll be back i'm sure uh but go to
my website