Name: The Jeselnik & Rosenthal Vanity Project / Not Today Motherf— (Full Episode 200)
Uploaded: 2023-04-19T19:56:43.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The Jeselnik & Rosenthal Vanity Project / Not Today Motherf— (Full Episode 200)' from Anthony Jeselnik on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-04-19. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The Jeselnik & Rosenthal Vanity Project / Not Today Motherf— (Full Episode 200)' from Anthony Jeselnik on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-04-19. Transcript available.

The Jeselnik & Rosenthal Vanity Project / Not Today Motherf— (Full Episode 200)

go for it oh yeah just one pre-roll today the only one that matters it's
athletic greens if
you're looking for an easier way to take supplements athletic greens is giving
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somehow
it's fitting anthony it's our only pre-roll for episode 200 we're maxing this
thing out we're
going to announce the results of the erotic fan fiction contest we're going to
hear from anthony's
god children it's all coming up in episode 200 of the jeselnik and rosenthal
vanity project jrvp
junior vice president the clock is running make the most of today time waits
for no man yesterday
is history tomorrow is a mystery today is a gift that's why it's called the
present
they said we couldn't do it anthony no one said that no one said it no one
cared no one cared at
all but we did do it we started september 11th 2018 really yeah i knew it was
september 11th but
2018 never forget uh thank you thank you for making the most obvious joke um
yeah i mean i guess what's
that that's five years i guess we took a break when we moved between comedy
central and all things
comedy there's some breaks in there there used to be like seasons where we
would have a little bit
of a break when we were at comedy central but more or less uh cranking through
for four and a half
years you want to do you want to hear the first thing you said on the jeselnik
and rosenthal vanity
jrvp junior vice president sure okay i mean uh what if i had been like no i'm
good i know you're like
surprised i listened to uh jrvp episode one on the way over here today because
you know how i like
waiting until the last minute uh to do things and i surprised you with some
clips on that episode too
from rjvp but this was the first thing you heard you uh you said on the show
true love rises again
you think you watched football last weekend then you're damn full you watch
nothing the season starts
now it's really funny to me that this this started as a football podcast kind
of like we were gonna we
were gonna keep what rjvp was and keep talking about football like off the
field issues and then
immediately abandoned that i totally forgot that because we were confused that
in spotify we're
listed under sports and now after listening to that episode it makes total
sense because that is
literally how we introduced the podcast that it was going to be an off the
field sports uh stories
podcast yeah and then we got the whole first episode we got bored of that
immediately after a couple weeks
um and stopped doing it but there have been some themes i would say uh that
have basically stayed the
same throughout this was another uh mention for me within the first couple
minutes of the show
that i think it stayed consistent half is money um then that's what this is so
at some point i
aaron blew the time code greg blew the time code and i believe the clip was
about me referencing
giving greg half the money um which makes sense uh good idea bad execution that's
the jrvp way
that's how we do things here i'm not even going to the third clip now how
how how how high do you think we get what number do you think we get to on this
podcast
i mean now i think we're in a groove i i could can i could see it at one point
i would have been
surprised that it would have got to 200 that you wouldn't have gotten sick of
it because you kept
getting sick of it at various points especially at comedy central as comedy
central i was always a
little bit mad a little annoyed um especially with the no ads thing not
realizing how much money we
were making for not doing any ads and how i think we oh we like worked harder
at comedy central than
we needed to remember when they were like oh you can you can uh fulfill one of
your episode
commitments if you just take we did like the roast battle podcast and then like
if we just take the
unedited audio and put that up that'll count as an episode and i was like no
but i was like why didn't
we just do that we would have gotten paid a lot of money for nothing and i was
like no we don't do it
but we love all things comedy we're happy we're home i would guess let's say we're
at 200
let's say by the time i'm done with my tour we'll be at 250 maybe uh you know
maybe higher than that
and then i'm going to keep it going to promote the special and everything and
then i'm going to have
time to just be chilling and working on the next project that why wouldn't i
keep doing this
so i would guarantee 300 i'd guarantee we get two more years out of this um if
i had to go if i
would have to say the over under for what we would do on this podcast i would
say 500 would be it would
be a good over under um that's six years but who knows what happens with you
who knows what you end
up having to do if you can't do this for some reason if i uh find a better
partner to podcast with
another theme that you've you've mentioned many times then uh trying to get me
fired
see if you can upgrade do you want to ask me um what my quote was from today
what was your quote from
i googled uh um quotes number 200 or like 200 quotes and all the results were
um this was 200
motivational inspirational quotes that will inspire your success that one's
from kathy collins
you know that's why they call it the present and you you uh get on me for phoning
things in
yeah because when i phone things in it's funny um i'll tell you what i haven't
phoned in
guess what uh guess what today is uh april 18th erin guess what today is
uh april 18th i don't know i'll give you guys a hint it's an anniversary
yours and liz's no rummy no no your parents nope
it's tax day it's the anniversary of tax day no it really is i know it is i
know it is uh i am one
year sober i'm one year one year exactly no alcohol people everyone doubted it
everyone doubted i remember
like i mentioned it the first couple episodes i was not drinking talked about
it and then one week i
didn't and everyone just assumed that i'd fallen off the wagon rightfully so
you should have assumed
that but i didn't assume it but i remember during that episode that it crossed
my mind i was like
oh now that you didn't bring it up this week does that i didn't i didn't and i
didn't want to bring
it up but then i asked after yeah so don't bring you should not have brought it
up uh and then one
night i remember i was drinking like a non-alcoholic cocktail that i had made
and you were like
i just assumed that was actual booze but no when you're sober uh i leave after
this podcast i drive
home and then i live and i go into palm springs for a uh for a couple days
partly to like i've got two
weeks off right now i just went uh last week two weeks ago i was in madison wisconsin
one of my
favorite clubs had an amazing weekend there and then uh and then did rochester
new york uh comedy at the
carlson place i'd never been to but was a great comedy club i really enjoyed my
time and and there
went to new york a day early to do a uh birthday party um which was you know
the guy the birthday
boy was great some of his friends were cool but it was like it's a big birthday
party of like rich
people watching comedy and uh the jokes were hit or miss but i was like oh you
were the you were the
entertainment yeah i was the headliner i was the headliner and uh there were
other comics there
were they paying attention well to your set they were very polite but it's
still it's like a birthday
party and people just like want to be at a birthday party so if i talked about
them like they were
investment banker people if i was like mentioned something about money they
were like very on board
but some jokes they were just like i don't know i don't know what you're
talking about but the guy
whose birthday it was was great he was front row very attentive thanked me at
the end and then i
i got the hell out of there but uh i'm glad to have two weeks off traveling
home sunday from
rochester to la was the worst travel experience i've had since 9 11. long-term
listeners of the
podcast i view rjvp days i'm sure i have told the story of being in new orleans
on 9 11 uh 2001
i was supposed to fly back to la to try to find a job i just moved to la and
couldn't get out
obviously everything was canceled and then i got the first flight from new orleans
to la was going
through st louis and it was like two days later like in the air they like recancel
all the flights
i land in st louis and i spent 24 hours with no money and and just by myself in
the st louis
airport and lost my goddamn mind it was brutal um that's pretty bad not not the
worst 9 11 travel
experience but pretty bad no but like it's like two like number two maybe like
1a it's it's it's i mean
honestly if you'd give me the option of do you want to explode or keep sitting
in this airport i probably
would have been like oh like it would have been great to die over pennsylvania
somewhere well there's
also yeah the pentagon and stuff so i think you'd have to be knocked down to
three three or four i mean
i would i would put everyone who died that day into one and then me 1a like oh
that was tough but
so i fly i wait i literally do my last show uh in rochester i get out of there
at like 11 30 i get
back to my hotel i immediately just like lay down close my eyes you're gonna go
to sleep for a couple
hours i wake up at 3 30 i'm tired but i'm a little energized i did get a nap
get to the airport 6 a.m
flight from rochester to philadelphia i'm like everything's going great i've
got an hour layover
philly to la i'm back home by 11 30 a.m and we're like getting there like all
right we're about to
land everyone put your seats up whatever the fuck and then they're like oh
actually you know what uh
the the what the visibility in philadelphia is too low we can't land right now
everyone's like okay
we'll like take he's like it'll be it'll be a couple minutes and we're like all
right and he goes
so we're gonna have to go and refuel in baltimore and everyone's like what we
have to refuel in
baltimore you can't hang for five minutes and he's like no not that we're
talking to him so we land
in baltimore and we sit on the tarmac for an hour and a half everyone misses
their connecting
flight everyone and i'm the only guy on the plane who's not going to bermuda it
was this everyone's
going to bermuda for their vacation and they're all fucked they're all like
well we're not going
today we can get it maybe get out tomorrow and so everyone's kind of like mad
but holding it
together so i'm like i can't get too mad about my thing and i look and there's
like uh every two
hours there's a flight from philly to la on on american i'm like i'm gonna be
fine i get off the
plane i just go straight to the next gate the gate for the next flight to la
and i'm like
hey i was on the last one uh am i on this one and they're just like what we're
oversold like
the it's like it's chaos in the terminal they're like we we don't have this we
don't know who you
are what flight got delayed we don't know so i'm like okay i go to the checkout
thing and i'm like
which am i on the next flight what's going on you're by yourself or is this by
myself liz was at home
it did my opener is uh my opener is still in rochester and they're like oh no
like if you want to get in
the next flight we can get you on a flight at three o'clock and it's it's like
10 30 at this
point like we can get you on a flight at three o'clock and i'm gonna wait here
four hours and
like middle seat in the very last row i'm like oh no i was first class here
like what what's up and
they're like we don't have any first class all day there's nothing am i she's
like if you we can get
you out here in middle seats at the back of the plane unless you want to wait
here until 8 30 8 45 at night
and then we have an exit row aisle seat for you and i'm like fuck i guess that's
what i'm doing
like i just there's no way i'm sitting in a middle seat for a five hour