Name: The Jeselnik & Rosenthal Vanity Project / Every Available Surface (Full Episode 209)
Uploaded: 2023-06-28T15:47:48.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The Jeselnik & Rosenthal Vanity Project / Every Available Surface (Full Episode 209)' from Anthony Jeselnik on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-06-28. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The Jeselnik & Rosenthal Vanity Project / Every Available Surface (Full Episode 209)' from Anthony Jeselnik on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-06-28. Transcript available.

The Jeselnik & Rosenthal Vanity Project / Every Available Surface (Full Episode 209)

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time zones we got hot springs we got wild ass biting dingoes we got it all
coming up in episode 209
of the jessel nick and rosenthal vanity project jrvp junior vice president eat
fresh in hell
a little bit of a delay because i'm 16 hours away but uh we're gonna make it
work i'm here
uh in tokyo and i want to know what where that quotes from anthony that is a
combination uh classic
jessel nick combo eat fresh of course is the subway slogan i believe it is
still aaron am i correct on
that uh might be something thank you yes i am right um eat fresh subway and
then i thought subway sandwiches
sub submarine they're in hell eat fresh in hell combine the two you know those
five people are 100%
for sure burning in hell it's a reverse uh it's a reverse icarus situation am i
am i correct on that
aaron yeah yeah that you are 100% correct 100% correct this is reverse icarus
they went too low
and they paid for their hubris uh by dying i was obsessed with submarine we did
not talk about it
last week even though we could have uh greg were you as into the submarine as i
was
no and i'm glad we didn't talk about last week because it hadn't reached its
conclusion last week
um but no i i've been traveling around and whatnot uh from rhode island massachusetts
now japan so
the submarine didn't capture my heart quite as much as yours listen i've been
obsessed and listen for
all our listeners who get on me whenever i spoil something like oh i didn't
want to hear the end
of succession two days after the end when everyone in the world was talking
about it why'd you do that
anthony hey anthony this movie's only been in theaters for 48 hours why did you
spoil the entire
thing beat by beat that's that's what you guys sound like to me so should i
should i spoil it what
happened with the submarine aaron what do you think i think they've had enough
time i think so too
you i would think so all the time but you we by listening to the notes we get
people hate spoilers
so spoiler alert they all died five people five rich people paid 250 000 each
to get into a tin can
an uncomfortable looking tin can something that you would not skateboard in and
went down to the
titanic and we thought they were like just lost it was like oh we lost
communication now that it's
over i believe they knew immediately that they were dead yeah i saw james cameron
talk about it and he
was like as soon as there was like a sound and they lost every all everything
because there are fail
safes if this fails this is going to work we'll get you back to the surface
when everything fails at once
that bitch is gone it means they went we're going down and then it just imploded
which is way better
than having to sit there for three days in the freezing cold uh with four other
dudes and then die
from lack of oxygen but i was hoping my hope in all of this was that they would
be rescued
and we would get to hear what those like two or three days were like of just
pure misery because i
wanted to know the guy who brought his son on board must have been i would
think would be the most upset
being in that situation the ceo is down there with them i would think he would
be killed you know there
will be movies about this scenario people going down it's perfect you got like
five rich people
five rich assholes going down there and dying uh it was better that they died
all at once right in
the beginning um but it would have been great to hear the story of those three
days so there will be
many plays many independent uh plays that no one will ever see written about
this i uh i thought it
was uh i thought it was fascinating and greg did i break any news to you just
now you did not you
didn't know i appreciate that i know i did dive in a little uh later in the mix
uh and and went to
town on it the thing is they knew yeah like 90 minutes after they went down
something happened and so
at that i don't know if they knew for sure they were dead at that point but at
that point they knew
something in gun run like uh an hour and a half uh later i i don't know why you're
so confident
there in hell though i mean that feels like a jump wouldn't dying be enough
punishment sure i mean
listen i don't think dying is punishment you know it might be like a nice a
nice treat for some of them
but i will go on record and aaron will back me up on this there is no heaven
when you die it's either
limbo or hell and if you're in limbo you have to be there for three rounds and
then you go to hell
hell's not bad when i say they're in hell i mean it like a good way like a cool
like they're they're
like doing like a dance party right now in hell that's what they do like um aaron
am i right about
it's like being dance party hell dance party i'm there okay sounds good maybe
it's like um being
trapped in like a really small container um surrounded by water whose pressure
would just like explode uh
and make your brain explode it like at any point if you actually like left the
little container maybe it's
like that i mean i thought of you greg during all of this because i i feel like
it's perfect for you
you you're you and your imagination and that it's like a i don't want to do
this i'm gonna do it
everyone else is doing it now i'm doing it and i regret doing it and now all my
worst fears are being
realized they're just like i didn't want to even get in the sub and now i'm in
the sub and i'm gonna die
in the sub i feel like that was the i mean you gotta pay a quarter million
dollars to get in so it feels
like if they got in they wanted to do it i mean it wasn't like they have to be
passionate about it
some of those guys were down multiple times and here's the thing uh aaron
brought up the son because
the son was interesting to me because it was like he's the 19 year old everyone
else is like much much
older and uh and i had heard that the 19 year old like didn't want to go was
afraid of it but his dad
was making him and then last night i saw an interview with the mom of the son
and like husband
or wife to the husband who was in there and she was like oh i was supposed to
go she was like i was
gonna go with my husband but my son wanted to go so badly that we let him go
instead and i don't
believe her i think she's saying that to try to change the narrative of like
instead of a tragic thing
let's try to make everyone a hero it's it's it's all fascinating i'll read any
book written about this
i will read any fictionalization if that's a word of this i am into it it is
great rich people dying
i'm on board i'm hanging tan on that board
uh isn't it though going to any like movie version isn't it gonna kind of get
beaten to the punch by a netflix or hulu documentary version and then by the
time like
the fictionalized version starring you know bill paxton just feels a little stale
bill paxton has
been dead for quite some time yeah um already in hell yep already in hell he's
dancing up perfect
storm perfect right now here's what's gonna happen there's gonna be a movie
where they get out of it
there's gonna be a movie where they live there's gonna movie where jesus helps
them there's definitely
gonna be a religious one where he gets helped by god and there's going to be
some happy endings
and then there's gonna be the one like the open water do you guys ever see open
water
yeah where they go scuba diving and the boat leaves them by mistake and then
they're just in the water
and the whole time you're like how are they getting out of it and then spoiler
alert
they do not and so that's what i want to see i want to see the open water
version where everyone dies give it to me
how do you feel about um everyone just cracking sub jokes on twitter about it
like before
everyone knew for sure that they died glad you asked me but it was glad you
asked i love it again
this goes back to when we talked about the queen of england dying how when
people are like when it's
a tragedy but everyone's on board for whatever reason i'm talking about a uh
queen elizabeth dying
an osama bin laden dying um a uh a bunch of rich people uh i think i saw a
tweet someone was like
a bunch of rich people went in a metal fleshlight down to the bottom of the
ocean and you're laughing
like yeah it's just it's it's very funny and you you don't feel bad for them
because they're so rich
and they're doing just rich asshole things it wasn't like they were on a
mission to help mermaids
they were just going down there to look at a boat that was already sunk
i'm with you i i think it's fine if if you if you choose to spend that money
on on paper it's kind of a ridiculous thing to do you accept
um the risks which include getting dragged
on twitter you know if you die i was fascinated i did not make
a joke but i loved all the jokes that i saw i just like when people feel like
hey let's make fun of this horrible horrible thing everyone's in my
in my ship if you will in my submarine i enjoyed it other than that i can't
believe i can't believe
not being like that afraid to go do that though it seems totally insane we went
out to play tennis
yesterday me and walker we were down um visit you know at uh emica's parents um
they have a separate
house in the mountains and we went out and there was we thought there there's
thunder like tons of
thunder when we're out there which seems surprising because it wasn't raining
it was kind of dark sky
and walker was so afraid just of the thunder that he was crying and like wanted
to go home like he
could not even stand outside in in thunder he would not be a good candidate to
go in the submarine then
we got back to the house and uh emica's dad told us uh it actually wasn't
thunder it was just
cannons being shot off um at some military thing that's nearby and they're just
always shooting off
cannons which raised a lot of questions to me i mean not i mean when you think
about you know japan being
a military power to this day they've got so many cannons that that you got to
practice you got to
have cannon practice once a day in japan and that way everyone's proud everyone's
excited give those
guys whatever they want it was like an hour it was like and they were like oh
yeah this is happening all
the time and they were loud i thought it was thunder i i i they fooled me yeah
it's like what are the
what are they doing all this cannon practice for that's what i want to know i
can't believe the
japanese haven't invented a quieter cannon you know like a silent cannon if you
will put a silencer on
that guy but hey japan you're doing great with your cannons keep it up um yeah
don't put walker in a sub
does walker knows how to swim though right swimming lessons for walker alice is
a good swimmer walker
hasn't had real lessons but he's okay yeah get him in that sub and you know
what if i would not get
in the submarine but if i showed up and they were like hey anthony would you
get in the submarine i look
in the submarine and it's you walker and aaron i'm getting in the sub i'd die
with you guys yeah
thank you you're welcome it's like a boys trip i like that guy like where men
we can men can be men
underwater just a bunch of bros if we die we're dying bros um speaking of my i
had my own little
personal submarine this weekend i went to mississippi for a couple of shows and
i haven't done a casino in
a while it's been a few years since i've been on tour and i'm like okay i'm
flying into memphis
45 minutes from this casino in um tunica and then the next day i fly on a
private jet to
biloxi 