Name: The Jeselnik & Rosenthal Vanity Project / In-Ground Trampoline (Full Episode 217)
Uploaded: 2023-09-06T16:00:15.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The Jeselnik & Rosenthal Vanity Project / In-Ground Trampoline (Full Episode 217)' from Anthony Jeselnik on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-09-06. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The Jeselnik & Rosenthal Vanity Project / In-Ground Trampoline (Full Episode 217)' from Anthony Jeselnik on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-09-06. Transcript available.

The Jeselnik & Rosenthal Vanity Project / In-Ground Trampoline (Full Episode 217)

Oh, yeah.
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Just the start of a massive post-Labor Day episode including an axe-wielding
pilot, Anthony's back pain, and Halifax and Halifax.
All coming up in episode 217 of the Jeselnik and Rosenthal Vanity Project.
J-R-V-P.
Junior Vice President.
The devil places a pillow for a drunken man to fall upon.
We're here.
We're back.
Took last week off.
Seems like we didn't take you off any time at all.
Seems like we've been here the whole time.
I'm excited.
You know, football, only two days away.
My life gets more complicated, you know.
I can't just go hanging out on the Sunset Strip with you all the time like you're
always asking me to do, Anthony.
And I won't have time.
I don't hang out on the Sunset Strip anymore.
I'm on the road nonstop.
My two-week vacation is over.
I am leaving today for New Orleans.
New Orleans, Dallas, Austin.
Very excited.
Again, it's going to be three, four cities a weekend, every weekend through the
end of the year.
But I'm pumped.
I'm pumped to get back to New Orleans.
My first time in New Orleans sober.
Hmm.
That I don't even know, like, what to do.
It's like, oh, we're going to go to Igor's.
Like, why are you going to Igor's now?
No reason to go to Igor's.
Do your laundry.
I want to go.
I would definitely want to go.
I'm going to eat at a bunch of restaurants.
But I'm very excited.
And then I'm excited to, you know, Dallas will be fun.
Two shows in Dallas.
Pascal's Manali.
Yeah.
Definitely Pascal's.
Definitely Commander's Palace.
And then I don't know.
Then we'll see.
But I got people who make reservations for me now.
I got the tour manager to do all that stuff.
Yeah.
But do they know the best places in New Orleans?
Yes, they do.
They are tied into a network.
It's like, they're like people from John Wick.
They're like the homeless people in John Wick tour managers.
They know everything.
That jacket makes me look like you'd be one of the killers in John Wick or
something.
Thank you.
It's from Adidas.
I mean, I can see that.
Yeah.
I like it.
I needed, I had, I was doing a lot of hoodies and I was like, I need something
to wear on airplanes.
I need, I need tour clothes.
You know what I'm saying?
I need something to wear when I'm, when I'm not on stage.
It's like comfy.
This looks, I look cool.
Why can't you wear a hoodie on an airplane?
I could.
I just have a lot of them.
You're anti-hoodie, I thought, now.
No.
I just, I liked the, wasn't that a whole episode?
Years ago, years ago.
That was like three months ago.
When I entered the world of the cardigan, I said, cardigans are hoodies for
adults.
Does it mean you can't wear hoodies?
You kind of said that you can't wear hoodies anymore.
That you wouldn't.
Aaron, rule on this.
Pretty sure that is what you said.
That's not what I said.
I'll get, I'll call Billy.
What time is it, Aaron?
Is Billy still in his office?
It's just after five.
He's probably, you know, he usually doesn't leave till 530.
He's probably packing up.
Yeah.
Bring him up.
Whatever.
Bring, bring.
He's not answering.
He's not answering shit.
Whatever happened to like last, you know, first one in the office, last one out.
That's how fucking Tom Brady got it done.
And yet Billy, uh, Billy's always leaving before us when we're doing the night
shift show.
The night shift show?
I'm just saying sometimes we tape later than others.
This is one of those weeks.
Uh, and he's gone.
You go past his office and what do you see?
You know, I can't, I can't do the subterfuge.
We, we taped two episodes in a row.
What we did two weeks ago, we had an episode.
Why?
And then right after that, we taped, we taped another one.
We had a week off in between.
We put on new jackets.
We put on new jackets.
Yeah, we did put on new clothes.
I turned my hat around.
It's backwards.
You'd have no idea if you watched this.
Why did you, yeah, why?
You look like, uh, because I, I don't know, someone from DuckTales or something.
Because maybe something happens.
Like one of the DuckTales is friends.
One of the DuckTales is friends is one of the best things you can be.
Aaron, isn't that the hierarchy?
I'm pretty sure, yeah.
Yes.
I would rather be one of the DuckTales' friends than at the right hand of the
Lord in heaven.
They're like, hey, Mac, you want to go over to the store?
Better to be a friend of DuckTales in hell than to serve in heaven.
That's what Scrooge would say.
On the regular.
All the time.
Listen, maybe something crazy happened.
Maybe a terrorist attack happened.
We were gone and people were listening to us looking for hope, looking for
something.
And we're just talking about-
It didn't happen.
We're just talking about my back problems.
It's over.
How was your back?
I like to tell people, it's much, much better.
It was getting worse.
I've had back problems my whole life.
I do a lot of things for it.
And it started to get, like the hips were getting tight.
Things were getting tight.
Things were getting worse.
Liz, poor Liz, has been stuck in an airport all day, trying to fly home to see
her mom.
She's supposed to leave at noon.
It is 5.15 and she is not.
Yeah.
What are you texting her?
Be a professional?
We're in the middle of a taping?
I'm recording my podcast, is what I said.
The Jesselnick and Rosenthal Vanity Project?
KRVP.
Junior Vice President.
That puts meals on the table.
I said I'm recording my podcast, but if I had been flying, this would not have
happened
to me.
That's what I said.
This is your fault.
Why you gotta be a dick?
This is your fault.
You could have bought your way out of this.
Oh, she got on the 1023 flight.
So she's gonna hang out at the airport for four or five hours?
That seems terrible.
I mean, if she leaves now.
Sorry.
Okay.
You know what?
Sorry, I've got to write her.
No, this is good podcasting.
We've never had you interacting with Liz as a guy.
It confused me because she came up on your phone as her full name.
You didn't want to just shorten it to Liz.
When I met her, when I got her number, it was as a photographer.
And I was just like, oh, let me get your name so I have it in there.
It wasn't just like, Liz.
I wasn't just like, girl.
What is your, what's Emeka's name in your phone?
Emeka.
Just Emeka.
Yeah.
You know what?
I've called a girl because I had two girls with the same name in my phone.
Called the wrong one.
Thankfully got a voicemail.
So I knew I always had the wrong one.
That almost happened to me this month at work.
In the NFL, do you know who Mike Florio is?
I've heard of him, ma'am.
If he walked in here, I wouldn't know.
He's my old boss.
He runs Pro Football Talk.
And he's on NBC.
He's on Football Night in America.
So, you know, big spot in the industry.
There's another Mike Florio that's inside our building.
I don't know why I'm telling you this, but there can only be one Mike Florio.
I'm just giving you time.
How does this help Liz?
How does it help Liz?
Like, what does Liz need?
Does Liz miss me, by the way?
Like, when was the last time Liz saw me?
It's been a while.
When am I seeing your kids?
Why are you trying to keep me apart?
When am I seeing your kids?
I got presents for your kids.
I haven't seen the new home.
I want to come there.
Give the kids the presents.
Let's see the look on their faces.
That's on you.
That's on you.
You're always the busy one.
Yeah, I'm around.
I got two weeks.
Okay, it's time.
This weekend, I will drive down, and we'll come hang out, play some pickleball.
Listen, I've had back problems for a long time.
It's gotten much, much worse in the past six, seven months, and I'm surprised
it didn't.
Like, during COVID, I was fine, and I wasn't even working out that much.
I just kept myself in good enough shape, and something, like, just tweaked off,
and I went
to a chiropractor, a very expensive chiropractor, who, over six months, seeing
him every week,
made it worse.
Just made it worse.
And now I'm seeing a different specialist, who's crazy.
I talked to Greg about it off camera once when we went to dinner, and told him
how weird
it was.
You can't even describe what this chiropractor does to people without them
being like, that's
not a thing.
It doesn't mean anything.
I would tell you, like, the way he just, like, touches you and prods you, and
does things,
there's no cracks, there's no snaps.
It's just like, oh, this, this, this.
And then I feel better.
I've been to him, like, three or four times.
I went to him this morning, and it is great.
So I'm hoping that in the two weeks, I don't have to get on a plane.
Like, I'll see this guy, I'll feel better, and then I'll go and sit in a plane
for four
hours to go somewhere, and then I feel, like, bad again, and it gets worse
throughout the
week.
But now I'm like, maybe I can just keep it good.
Because in the past, sitting in this chair right now would be, I'd be in pain
the whole
time.
Just uncomfortable, sitting in a car seat, sitting in a plane seat.
It's brutal.
But I'm hoping I can get it done, that by the time I leave, you know, tomorrow
for New
Orleans, I will be, my back will be fine.
So I'm excited.
And again, I would describe what this guy does more, because I think he's a
goddamn miracle
worker.
But no one believes me.
The only people who believe me are the people who have gone to see this guy
before.
And I'm like, how do you explain it to people?
They're like, we don't.
You find someone who's so desperate, their back pain's so awful, and they can't
find anything.
He's gotten, like, people that I know out of back surgery.
Been like, no, do this, and then they're fine.
It's a TB12 situation.
It's a fucking TB12, guys.
Yeah, but TB12, I don't put any faith into TB12.
I'm putting faith into your guy.
You said no one believes you.
No.
I believed you.
You told me about it at Cantor's, after Oppie, our guy.
And I was just like, oh, that sounds cool.
And you were like, everyone else just, like, doesn't believe me.
Yeah, like, what?
It's like, what?
And I was like, okay, I bought it.
It's great.
I love this guy.
He's weird.
He talks to himself.
He makes little marks on my body with, like, a wax pencil that stay there for,
like, a week, no matter how much I wash.
But I like it, and I just want to not have pain.
Having back pain is so awful.
I don't know how Aaron does it.
Aaron, you've got to have back pain.
I do, yeah.
Yeah.
And yet you guys have such sunny dispositions.
I exercise so much now to keep the back pain away that I'm like, once this guy
cures me,
I'm going to do whatever it is I have to do to never have back pain again.
If I have to get jacked, I will do it.
I d