Name: The Jeselnik & Rosenthal Vanity Project/ Group Celebration (Full Eps. 220)
Uploaded: 2023-10-04T16:00:32.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The Jeselnik & Rosenthal Vanity Project/ Group Celebration (Full Eps. 220)' from Anthony Jeselnik on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-10-04. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The Jeselnik & Rosenthal Vanity Project/ Group Celebration (Full Eps. 220)' from Anthony Jeselnik on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-10-04. Transcript available.

The Jeselnik & Rosenthal Vanity Project/ Group Celebration (Full Eps. 220)

Oh yeah, we're back.
Starting by thanking our partner, Athletic Greens.
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A little Tommy John, little Athletic Greens, pre-rolls,
like seeing an old friend after a summer break.
So are our stories coming up about Anthony's tour,
little pickleball arson,
and throwing babies in the air
in episode 220 of the Jeselnik and Rosenthal Vanity Project.
JRVP.
Junior Vice President.
For you, it's been a week away.
For me, a lifetime.
It feels like it's been forever.
It's been a minute.
I've been champing at the bit.
Champing?
It's champing.
It's not chomping.
I didn't say chomping.
I said champing at the bat.
To get back on here.
I hate when we take time off.
Like, we thought before, we're like,
hey, when we do two in a row,
we do two episodes back to back,
things can get a little goofy.
It's fun every once in a while.
So we had two weeks of back to back.
And with the weeks off,
the dark weeks we've had
because of ad sales, whatever,
we have not been in the same room recording in a month.
And so much has happened
that I wanted to jump on the podcast and talk about.
So much has happened.
We're going to get into a bunch of it.
I don't want to spoil things.
But this is like a kind of a catch-up episode.
We haven't been on the air in a month.
I've had four weeks of touring
that I have not been able to talk about.
Greg hasn't really done anything.
Aaron, suicide watch.
I walked in here.
I was like, Aaron, where are your shoelaces?
And he was like,
they took them on day two of you guys
taking a little hiatus.
So we're all glad to be back.
Aaron's glad to be back.
You know, Billy's happy we're back.
Billy, when I walked out and saw Bill Burr
standing behind a lemonade stand
in the parking lot of All Things Comedy,
I was like, what is this charity thing?
What's going on for the strike?
And he was like, no, this is just for you guys.
Thank you for coming back.
We missed you.
We appreciate you.
Here's some lemonade.
We did not drink it.
I don't know.
I didn't see lemonade mix.
Too much sugar.
It was just, he just had the cups in his hand.
I got to see a picture
if I'm going to be drinking your lemonade.
So we did not do it,
but I'm glad that Aaron's feeling better.
Aaron, would you, scale one to 10,
how you doing right now?
Oh, I'm flying high at a nine and a half.
And what were you before we walked in the door today?
Oh, like a, oh, like a one and a quarter.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Sad.
I know you're pumped up
when you start the show
for our YouTube viewers
just looking straight into the camera.
Straight into the camera.
I have my line.
That was some real acting.
I didn't have to read it.
I was, I was, I was doing it from the gut
where it, which is where my heart is.
It's in my stomach.
That way, if someone tries to shoot me in the chest,
they're in for a fucking surprise.
All right.
I dare you.
How's theater tour?
This is like the real thing.
You've been talking about,
I'm warming up
and just wait until the fall
and now here it is.
Look, it's been amazing.
Let me run through what I have done
since we last saw each other.
I've done New Orleans, Dallas, Austin.
That weekend, great weekend, great shows.
Maybe the hottest the planet has ever been
that weekend.
I wanted to fucking die in New Orleans.
The entire time,
I was just like huddled in my hotel room
trying not to lose my mind from heat stroke.
It was brutal.
And I had family, I had friends,
saw a bunch of people,
saw a bunch of the Tulane guys
who were all extremely chill.
Like New Orleans is a fountain of youth.
Everyone, I had dinner with like five guys
that we went to college with
in New Orleans the night before the show.
And I've never seen-
Connor was there.
Connor, Pete, Kevin, Hughes, and Jeter.
And the lead, like Jonathan Jeter
has never worried a day in his life.
Like his face is just,
it looks like he smears placenta
on his face every morning.
Like these people just had no stress.
We're just happy, enjoying life, laughing.
It was great to be back in New Orleans.
It was pretty amazing to see our college friends
show up on your Instagram page.
Great photos from Liz.
I never thought I'd see Rob Hughes and Jeter,
our fraternity brothers, show up.
Your big brother in the fraternity.
That's right.
Hughes made you a man.
That's right.
He did.
Who was your big brother?
Shoot, now I forget.
Was it, you don't remember your big brother?
I don't know.
Was it the Latin guy?
Javier, that's right.
He didn't give a fuck.
He was the coolest guy.
So that part was cool.
But I think I only met him like three times.
Yeah, I don't think I ever talked to Javier.
But yeah, that weekend was really fun.
A great way to kick off the tour.
Three shows in Austin was a huge deal to me.
The two shows in Dallas were incredible.
And of course, New Orleans was awesome.
And then Nashville, Atlanta, two shows.
Charleston, those were all great.
Chicago, two sold-out shows at the Chicago Theater.
A career highlight for me.
That was amazing, having family come out for that.
Two shows in Detroit were really fun.
Gilly came out, our friend Sarah.
Sarah Gilly came backstage crying.
Like openly weeping from watching the show.
It was awesome.
And then Kansas City, Omaha, Des Moines.
Last weekend, all great shows.
Really enjoyed myself in Des Moines.
They've all been incredible.
And this is like the hardest month is over.
Now I have a week off at the end of October.
So I got three weeks and then I have some time off.
And then November, I've got a couple weekends with just one show,
like in Carnegie Hall and in Pittsburgh over Thanksgiving.
And then December, I just have two weeks.
So the hardest part is over.
But it's a lot.
I leave tomorrow morning for Baltimore.
Well, I'm so glad we got this chance.
You know, after a month, you had so much building up that we got to get back in
here in the studio.
And you would just like list a bunch of names of cities.
Look, people who came to the shows, they listen.
Follow me on Instagram where we post photos from the shows.
It's like Raleigh, Sheboygan.
You're just listing cities.
Listen, I want people to feel heard.
I want people to feel seen.
And I would have been talking about this as we went.
I saw someone on Twitter be like, hey, don't interrupt me.
Someone was like, hey, I didn't even know he was coming this weekend.
I listened to the podcast.
I'm supposed to be promoting dates as they come.
Come to Baltimore.
Plenty of tickets available for Baltimore.
Late show Cleveland.
Early show sold out.
But come to the late show in Cleveland.
It's going to be a fun, fun weekend.
I always like touring in the AFC North.
I was going to say the AFC North fans might be either happy because your Steelers
are so boring to watch and so disappointing.
Or they hold it against you.
They don't want to come out.
I have a joke where I mentioned I'm from Pittsburgh in the joke.
And I will be changing that joke in Cleveland and Baltimore.
I will not be saying that.
Just that I don't want to deal with the booze.
They're friendly booze.
I've dealt with it before.
I wouldn't come there if I didn't like the place.
But I'm looking forward to eating crabs.
I'll tell you that in Baltimore.
What's your strategy?
I've been noticing Liz has done a great job.
She's come everywhere with you?
Yeah.
She's been taking these photos.
They look badass.
How do you decide what look you're going to give to Liz?
Not a lot of smiles.
It's a lot of just sort of looking blankly.
I only have one smile.
And I have a couple of different blank looks that I can throw at her.
I just do what she says.
She'll be like, stop right there.
Look up at me.
Put your chin down.
Relax your face.
I just do what she says.
And then she comes out with these great photos at the end.
Occasionally she'll be like, hey, stand over there in the hotel room.
And I'm like, shut the fuck up.
I'm not doing that right now.
Damn.
I just got home.
No more pictures.
That's over.
And then I end up doing it anyway.
And it ends up to be a great picture.
So that happens.
Why do you talk like that to the people you love?
You came in here.
I mean, you were bossing Aaron around like you missed it.
Aaron needs that from me.
That's true.
He needs some friction to feel love.
The whip has to crack, you know?
You're like the little Culkin kid in Succession.
You need me to hug you and open up the stitches on your head.
Yeah.
I am the eldest boy.
But there were other things that happened this week.
One thing I really wanted to talk about, I went viral.
I don't know if you saw this.
Social media is so strange to me in that you can have something like I'm doing,
I'm getting
interviewed by my friend Adam Ray on his podcast.
This is like a year ago.
And he says, what's a sound that you hate?
And I say, the sound of kids playing.
And he laughs.
I'm like, it's just the scream.
I hate that scream that like we're screaming as loud and high pitch as we can
for no reason.
And that has become, I think, my most liked clip on Instagram and TikTok.
A service that I pay to put stuff out on.
Jokes that I've slaved over, okay, are on there.
They don't come close to the I Don't Like Kids Screaming video that has been
liked over 400,000 times.
Wait, why is this happening?
They just sent it out?
AJ, I just got put on Instagram and it just blew up.
And like the post before it or right after it is the, there's a hole in my dick
from where
God tried to suck out the poison song, like a fraction of the views.
Hmm.
Like, like 1,300 versus 400,000.
That's that fraction.
I'm surprised.
What is that?
What is that fraction?
It's a small fraction.
Chop it up for me.
You want me to actually do math?
Yeah.
Tell me what it is.
Just off the top of your head.
Say those numbers again?
Um, no, then I can't do it.
It was like 1.3 and 40, I believe.
I'm surprised.
400 versus 1.3.
Oh, okay.
Um.
Yeah.
It, it, it makes me not value the feedback I get from social media when a song
like a hole
in my dick, which does that make me the creator of the modern day tub thumping?
You know how Fall Out Boy did what we've all been asking for?
Aaron remade We Didn't Start the Fire?
No.
They did that.
They did that.
Aaron was listening to it when we pulled up.
How can you, how can you improve on that?
That's another reason I was depressed.
We got to do our tub thumping.
We got to do our tub thumping.
Aaron, next week I want lyrics.
We, uh, might have some.
That would be great.
Well, feast your ears.
There's a hole in my dick.
There's a hole in my dick.
There's a hole.
How did it get there?
In the Garden of Eden.
What man knows?
Was it from the apple?
Eatin'?
I'm a cardigan boy.
There's a hole in my dick.
There's a hole in my dick.
There's a hole in my dick.
There's a hole in my dick.
There's a hole in my dick.
From where God tried to suck out the woods in.
There's a hole in my dick.
There's a hole where the sun don't go.
Often, today's the day.
Bones and all.
I think I heard a rattle.
Shaking, snaking the grass.
If it's my hole in my dick.
There's a hole in my dick.
There's a hole in my dick.
There's a hole in my dick.
There's a hole in my dick.
There's a hole in my dick.
There's a hole in my dick.
When we're God tried to suck out the woods in.
There's a hole in my dick.
There's a hole in my dick.
Still happening?
There's a hole in my