Name: The Jeselnik & Rosenthal Vanity Project/ Battle Dads (Full Eps. 222)
Uploaded: 2023-10-25T16:00:42.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The Jeselnik & Rosenthal Vanity Project/ Battle Dads (Full Eps. 222)' from Anthony Jeselnik on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-10-25. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The Jeselnik & Rosenthal Vanity Project/ Battle Dads (Full Eps. 222)' from Anthony Jeselnik on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-10-25. Transcript available.

The Jeselnik & Rosenthal Vanity Project/ Battle Dads (Full Eps. 222)

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We're back off the road, Anthony.
We're talking about Anthony's lack of blinking,
Jussie Smollett's back, and Renner's new tunes all coming up
in episode 222 of the Jessel, Nick, and Rosenthal Vanity Project.
JRVP.
Junior Vice President.
Well, I say, I say, I do say, sir.
I accuse this man of murder.
That's right.
Murder in the flower moon, I guarantee.
Well, I know what movie that's from, but what character is that in the movie?
That's the character John Goodman plays.
Okay.
And I don't want to spoil anything for anyone.
Killers of the flower moon, a masterpiece.
This movie just came out Friday.
I know I've been a little loose with spoilers in the past.
I will not do that this time.
It is a masterpiece, a three and a half hour movie that I would have watched
for 48 hours.
I would have just sat there.
I didn't know anything going in.
I knew as little as possible.
I just knew what everybody knows.
You know, it's the Killers of the Flower Moon is based on the video game Bayou
Billy.
Aaron, do you remember Bayou Billy on the original Nintendo?
No, I do not.
8-bit.
It was a game that everyone could beat.
It was a bad game.
It was a game that you played and everyone beat it eventually.
You didn't just die on the second level and never get past it.
You beat it.
And if you look at the story of the game, it's very much Killers of the Flower
Moon.
It takes place in the swamps of Louisiana and John Goodman's character shows up
throughout
the film and accuses people of murdering the flower moon.
I really love Bayou Billy because you could beat it.
And I think video game adaptations get a bad rap.
It's on a little bit of a winning streak here.
Super Mario Brothers.
Super Mario Brothers.
The Irishman.
Yeah.
Oppenheimer.
Talk to me.
Yeah.
It's really been a good...
But yeah, again, go see Killers of the Flower Moon.
I wanted to see it right away to make sure that I didn't get anything spoiled
for me.
I was hearing people talk about it, give opinions on Twitter, and I just went
Monday night
and banged it out.
It was a great, great movie.
I love Martin Scorsese so much.
Other than that, I was in Denver last weekend.
We had a week off, didn't we?
I had a few good weekends.
I did Saturday shows in DC, saw a good friend Steve Mercado.
My parents came.
Whoa.
My parents are in the phase of my career where they enjoy everything, but my
dad really enjoys
entertaining people in my green room.
He likes bringing people backstage and then not talking to me while he talks to
them.
And so I'm meeting all of these new friends of my dad in my green room, but I'm
happy.
I'm happy to do it.
He's my dad.
Makes me happy.
You don't sound that happy.
This feels like you're hitting out a little...
Listen, I told my family and the friends that came with them, shout out to the
Kelleher's
who came.
I said, listen, the world is full of very nice people.
I don't want to meet any of them.
Will I shake the hand and make small talk with anyone my dad puts in front of
me?
Yes, I will.
So that was fun.
It was great to see my parents in Washington, DC.
Great shows all weekend.
And then last weekend.
Wait, did they interact with Mercado?
Did Mercado get backstage?
Mercado got backstage with a couple of friends.
Mercado's looking good.
And I don't know if he met my parents.
I think my parents came to the early show and then went out and Mercado came to
the late
show.
So they missed each other.
Mercado could have brought up the time when your parents brought him to
Commander's Palace
and he brought like a can of tuna.
Did that not happen?
That's not it.
That was his sister?
That was in Commander's Palace.
It was a dinner in New Orleans after Mercado graduated.
It wasn't Commander's because I was at that dinner and it wasn't Commander's.
It was something really nice, but did bring out a can of tuna for them to open
for her
and put on a plate so she could eat that instead.
And, you know, we've never forgotten it.
That and the time we met Steve Mercado's black cousin in Los Angeles.
There were two shocking Steve Mercado moments that we'll get into later on in
the podcast.
We need people, we give people a reason to stick around through ads.
So if you want to hear that story, wait.
And then I went to Denver last weekend, Denver and San Francisco.
And I've been looking forward to this.
I love Denver.
I love performing in Denver.
One of the first cities that I was like, oh, they get me.
I love it.
It's a great comedy town.
One of the great comedy towns, if not the best comedy town in America.
I'm doing four sold-out shows.
I'm pumped.
I, the entire 48, the 36 hours I was, no, 42, 72 hours I was there.
I thought I was going to die.
I've been to Denver so many times, done so many shows.
And people are always like, oh, the altitude, you know, be careful with the
altitude.
Don't drink, don't do this.
I go, I drink my way through that fucking city every time.
And I've never had a problem.
I've never blinked in the face of altitude sickness.
This time I'm dead sober.
All I drink is fucking Pellegrino all the time.
My urine hasn't had a hint of yellow in it in a year and a half, Greg.
And so I'm like, I'm feeling like shit.
I'm nauseous.
And I just, my breathing isn't great.
And I just like feel overall awful.
I have a little bit of a headache, but I refuse to believe.
People are like, it's probably altitude six.
I'm like, no way.
I'm taking care of myself this time.
I'm good.
And then the second night, and when I get on stage, I'm great.
As soon as I get on stage, the adrenaline knocks everything out of me.
And I feel great for that 55 minutes.
And then I walk off stage and I'm like, I kind of start to feel like shit again.
So the second night I get there and I'm like talking to someone and I'm like,
my chest is
tight.
Where I'm like, am I going to fucking have a heart attack and die?
Like, am I just going to like hope that I get on stage and the adrenaline
knocks out
the heart attack?
And so I, I am like, I tell someone that like, all right, let's get the medic
over here.
And I go, altitude sickness, give me a couple of hits of oxygen and like an
anti-nausea pill
to dissolve on your tongue.
And I was like, oh, this is what I've been feeling the whole fucking time.
It sucks.
And as soon as we, I got, I got that night was much better.
And then, uh, as soon as we left Denver and landed in San Francisco, I was like,
oh my
God, I feel like a human being again.
I could not believe it.
I am so old.
I don't know how I used to drink and go through that shit, be on an airplane,
going to Denver.
I mean, maybe it's all that, uh, Pellegrino.
Maybe it's a bad idea.
Maybe you shouldn't be, I know you were saying like that you piss clear, but
pissing it like
back into the Pellegrino water, like, cause it's, it's that, you know, amazing.
And then re-drinking it.
Maybe that's what's doing it.
You see, this is Greg being jealous because he doesn't have Pellegrino.
My mom calls it my special water when I come home to visit.
Okay.
And you know what?
It is special, mom.
It is special water.
My urine is a Scientologist.
It's gone so clear.
And that's all I'm going to say about that.
I have a week off.
I got, I got home Sunday from San Francisco and immediately watched the Steelers
game.
Got home, got to watch Steelers and Chargers on TV, national game or, you know,
local game,
whatever.
Steelers.
It was the Rams.
Superbowl.
Yeah.
Rams.
Same difference.
Broke your goddaughter's heart this game.
Yep.
I was going to call and talk shit, but I decided not to.
She would have been pissed.
She was thrilled today when the Rams cut their kicker.
Like her and Emeka, they had it out for blood for this kicker.
They're like legit fans.
Now Emeka's all in on the Rams too.
Do you, do you feel like it was easier for them to take knowing it was against
the eventual
Superbowl champs?
I don't think that helps.
No.
No.
Kenny Pickett is unstoppable.
Steelers suck.
They're the worst four and two team ever, but I've watched enough NFL seasons.
Now I actually am convinced that they're going to be good because the team that
like stacks
wins early while they suck at some point usually becomes good.
Most people are saying, oh, the Steelers, they're going to come back to earth.
They'll suck eventually.
It's like, no.
Actually, at some point they'll figure their shit out and they'll have a good
record.
And then annoying fucks like you and Damoshek are going to be dancing around in
a divisional
round or something like that.
I'm happy to do it.
Anytime I see Damoshek, Dave Damoshek, I dance with him.
He is my dance partner for life.
I think Mike Tomlin made a deal with the devil.
And they were like, if you shake my hand and give me your soul, you'll never
have a losing
season.
And now it's just nine and seven for eternity.
Never bad enough to get a good draft pick.
Never good enough to make a real noise in the playoffs.
But let me tell you something, Pittsburgh.
You got to stop it with the Fire Canada shit.
It has crossed the line into bullying.
It was funny for a little bit.
I feel bad for the guy.
That's their offensive coordinator.
That's the offensive coordinator.
Yes.
The country's got to go.
I've been clear on that.
We got to stop paying them for the work they're doing.
It's shoddy.
But Fire Canada, I hope they sign them to an extension.
I love the Roonies.
I love Mike Tomlin.
I'm loving Omar Khan.
Trust the team a little bit.
Be kind.
You should have been there.
I was at work.
It was all Steelers fans.
I believe it.
I mean, it was like 85.
Rams fans that were there told me they've never.
I mean, it's always a lot of opposing fans.
But they said, this is the most ever.
It was about 85, 90%.
I've been invited by my good friend, Richie.
A guy who runs the comedy store.
He was a big Steelers guy.
And they invited me to the game.
But I could not get there in time from San Francisco.
But again, guys, leave them alone.
We're four and two.
Stop it.
I love you, Pittsburgh.
Look at my hat.
Watch YouTube.
Smash that subscribe button.
What else happened this week?
Oh, okay.
So I don't like to.
I know there's a thing, kind of a pushback in podcasting now where it's like,
stop showing
too much bling.
People go, people have their podcasts and they go to brag about their lives.
Hey, we got to do this.
Hey, you know, like Greg, a couple of months ago, got to sing the national
anthem at a NASCAR
race.
We didn't talk about it because we don't want to brag and be like, oh, our
lives are better.
Our penises are longer.
That's what podcasting has become a lot of.
So we don't talk about a lot of behind the scenes things we get to do.
A lot of the cool shit we get invited to.
Yeah.
You know, when Bill Burr came in today, Bill's all excited about Bad Dads.
Bad Dads on Netflix premiered, I believe, Friday night.
Am I wrong?
Are you saying it wrong on purpose?
Old Dads.
Old Dads.
I'm sorry.
I'm confusing with Bad Moms.
When you think of the top comedies of all time, it's Bad Moms and Old Dads.
Old Dads, great movie.
Bill's excited, obviously.
I think critics have been kind to the movie.
I think fans have liked it.
I watched it.
I watched it with Liz.
We both enjoyed it.
I said it's better than there's any right to be.
I think Old Dads is a bad title for the movie.
I think it doesn't let you know how good it's going to be.
You know what would have been a better title, Aaron?
What?
Bad Dads.
Bad Dads tells you exactly what you're get