Name: The Jeselnik & Rosenthal Vanity Project/ Mailbag Spectacular #7 (Full Eps. 224)
Uploaded: 2023-11-15T17:00:02.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The Jeselnik & Rosenthal Vanity Project/ Mailbag Spectacular #7 (Full Eps. 224)' from Anthony Jeselnik on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-11-15. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The Jeselnik & Rosenthal Vanity Project/ Mailbag Spectacular #7 (Full Eps. 224)' from Anthony Jeselnik on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-11-15. Transcript available.

The Jeselnik & Rosenthal Vanity Project/ Mailbag Spectacular #7 (Full Eps. 224)

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meal, relationship
advice, and the final incontrovertible, incontestable proof that emails are a
thing coming up in episode
224 of the Jeselnik and Rosenthal Vanity Project. JRVP. Junior Vice President.
I don't know what it is
about Hoosiers, but wherever you go, there is always a Hoosier doing something
very important there.
We're back. Seventh time. The people demanded it. They said, we want more
emails. We want an entire
show filled with emails. It's called a mailbag. After the last mailbag we did,
and of course my quote is
from Googling mailbag quotes and just reading the first thing that shits onto
my screen. It's a lot
of sports talk, it seems like. When we did a mailbag. Remember Bill Simmons,
that was his big thing. He had a
mailbag. It was like pioneering back in the days on the internet. Was he the
first? I don't know, but he made
it popular. I remember reading the sports guy back in the day. This show almost
was once, you know, working
for Bill Simmons at one point. We almost went to work for him. We talked about
it. Talked with him. A little
bit. I haven't talked to Bill in a while. Um, yeah, we did a mailbag, you know,
just a few weeks ago and
people were like, we want, we want, we wish it had been longer and we would
like you to do another one
almost immediately. It's not, it's not that recent. It was like what, a month
and a half ago, two months
ago. We got to do it. Listen, we love, we love coming in and talking about what's
going on that week
and getting into the news stories and keeping it fresh. But occasionally I'm on
the road making so much
more money than I'm getting for this. You know, that thing about like, Hey, if
Bill Gates dropped
a hundred dollar bill on the ground, it's not worth his time to pick it up.
That's what this podcast is
for me. This is money that fell on the ground that by picking it up, I'm losing
money. It doesn't even
make sense. It does make sense. I mean, what about the days, you know, during
the pandemic,
you're not doing any shows that made sense.
That was 2020. I would love to go back to 2020 when, when we were doing them,
when the podcast
was real and it was fresh and everything, every day you'd wake up and think, Oh
my God, what's
that taste in my mouth? Where am I? When's the last time I washed my sheets?
Let's do a fucking
podcast. This was pre Aaron. This was when the show was fun before Aaron just
came in here,
came in here like a gorilla that just got in a fight with a bunch of other gorillas
from a different
troop of gorillas smeared in shit and started rolling around on the shag carpet
that we have.
Is that Aaron, would you say that's how you would describe it? Fair assessment.
Let's start with the emails with Kevin. This first email is related to Tulane.
That always makes me
happy. Let's make believe the Tulane basketball team has a monster season. They
go on a tournament
run. They make the national championship. The two of you make the trip. You get
good seats together.
You wear some green wave gear. Does Anthony get shown on the telecast as a
famous grad? And if so,
does Greg get the courtesy NFL analyst mention like in the, uh, in the cry on
below, you know,
a little industry term there in the little graphic below. Lastly, how furious
would you be if Salvatore
from Mad Men got shown and you guys did not love the show?
Did Salvatore from Mad Men go to Tulane?
He must have. I could have done a modicum of research. I will do it now, but I,
he must have.
Listen, I don't know about Sal from Mad Men. I know about Lauren Hutton and I
know about Jerry Springer,
rest in peace. And I know about me, the big dog. The big, the, the most famous
living male alumni
of Tulane University non-politics edition is me. I think I'm getting, I'm
getting the chyron.
I think I'm getting a little blurb on the screen if this all happens.
Okay.
I don't think you do. I think you're, I think you're, I think you're featured
in the frame
as if like, Hey, this is someone we've seen before, but I don't think it's a,
uh, I don't think it's a
chyron situation. Okay. Uh, Brian bat who played Salvatore 60 years old, uh,
did go to Tulane.
Listen, Brian bat is a hell of an actor. If I had to, if I had to do my life
story right now
and pick one actor to embody me from young Anthony through, uh, the day I die
when I'm like 45 years
old, then I think I'm, I'm getting, I'm getting brat bat. I mean, who's better
than bat? He's 60.
Uh, then again, you were born in December, right? It's, uh, it's November right
now. You're dying at 45.
Mm-hmm. I got 13 months, baby. I'm going to finish this tour. So it could be
any time.
Check out tour dates on sale. Now, anthonyjusling.com. We taped this in advance.
They're on sale 2024. If I didn't come to your city in 2023,
your city is featured in my 2024 dates, unless you are in Hawaii or Alaska,
then you got to make a trip. You got to come to me. I'm not setting foot
in the non-territorial states. They're probably not mentioning me on the little
graphic. Now,
if it, if it happened to be like an NBC football game or stuff, I used to work
there and I know
enough of the people producing those telecasts that maybe I'll get a shot, you
know, or NFL network.
You know what I mean? It's a small industry, the sports industry, college
basketball on CBS. I'm
just trying to keep it real TNT. They're probably not familiar with my work. Uh,
but you never know.
My guy, Adam Lefkoe is actually the host of, uh, inside the NBA on the days
that Ernie Johnson's
not there. Maybe he's in the production truck and he's like, oh, that's my
buddy, Greg. Probably
not. That wouldn't make sense. Put his name out there. You don't get a chyron
because you're
friends with somebody. That's not how it works. They don't, they don't show
their buddies.
I work in TV. Yeah. It'd be like, oh yeah, he, I would, I would be enough to be
like,
it would say around the NFL podcast, Greg Rosenthal around the NFL podcast.
I want to apologize for Greg screaming. I will not. So loud. I will not. You
know,
uh, that's not how me apologizing works. You know where they got the, you don't
have anything to do
or not do. I'm going to send this picture to Aaron and he's going to put it up,
but you want to see
where I got, uh, don't do it, Aaron. It's his dick. Don't do it. Fucking chyron.
Uh, how about this?
At Tottenham stadium in the middle of the game, I got the chyron at the whole
stadium. That's 62,000
people. There's my name. So I mean, you're, you're on the, I'm not on the big
screen. You're the
Erica Tamposi of Tottenham. That's what does that even mean? It means you're
just on the screen
telling people not to drink. Um, uh, I don't even know what you're talking
about. You know,
you're not getting a chyron, but what would it be funny? It'd be fun to go to
this game though.
I would love Tulane. Forget that football might make the championship. They
deserve it. Six and one.
Greg Rosenthal, what happens to you in this situation? We are at the Tulane
game. We're
wearing, we're wearing, uh, Tulane, uh, basketball jerseys where our faces are
painted. Camera comes
right up in close. It's Anthony Jesselnik on the chyron. You're just staying
next to me and you are
both like doing Tulane number one into the camera. Uh, you point right at the
camera. You've got your arm
around me. I rip off my Tulane jersey and it's just like a swastika painted on
my chest. What happens
to you from that moment on live television? I punch you. Immediately. I see it.
I assess the situation
and I think the only way to save myself is to be shocked, act shocked. Cause I
know you've had that
forever. Um, and, uh, and punch you in the jaw. You think the camera, the CBS
camera holds on me long
enough for you to take in that I, that I have a swastika tattoo and, and decide
to punch me.
You just set up this scenario. You wouldn't say, Hey, when did you get that? Or,
uh, Hey,
no, I, I, I'm very quick thinking and I'm thinking my whole career is going
down in flames. Cause I'm
next to swastika guy here. I'm going to be the hero. We're bringing it back.
Please. It's Johnny
swastika. I remember hearing a story about a, uh, uh, hearing about a guy. I
forget who told me the
story. It was a, they said it was a comedy club in Philadelphia. And, uh, and
this guy comes out,
he comes out to MC the show and like everyone who's in this comedy club has
like, just got a flyer in
the mall. You know, no one knows who the comics are. They're just coming to see
comedy and this like
kind of nerdy, like 20, 22 year old Abercrombie looking kid walks out white
dude. And he's like,
what's up? Let's give it up for the show. We've got these two people. And the
crowd like goes nuts.
And he's like, no, no, no, that's not good enough guys. That's not good enough.
I need energy.
And he goes and he goes into the audience and he hands out signs like, yay, we
love this. And like
hands out like noisemakers and like confetti and all this shit to the audience.
He's like,
no, I'm going to go out there one more time. We're going to bring it out. We're
going to start this
show. Right. And then so they do the announcements again. The DJ is like, and
now are you ready for
your MC? The man of the hour, John White. And the crowd goes fucking crazy. And
he comes out in a
Ku Klux Klan outfit to like thunderous applause. And it sounds hilarious. And
the audience immediately
gets mad, gets very mad and it ruins the entire show because you can't come
back from that ever.
None of the comics can. It doesn't matter who you are. And I thought that was
always very funny.
So I would do that to you. Go Green Wave, get in the game so I can make this
happen.
Haven't done much in basketball. It's been too long. Our next question.
Well, we did a solid 10 minutes. Oh, if you're watching on YouTube, you can
actually see the
picture and me with my podcast around the NFL podcast co-host on the big screen
with our friend
MJ Acosta at Tottenham Stadium, Tottenham Hotspur. Let me ask you this. Is it,
is the name, is the order,
the name, the order of the names in your contract or is it because you're
standing like that?
Are you standing like that because of your contract?
No, we're standing randomly, but I hope that's why they put it in that order
that it's not in any
particular order. But you got, you got to start standing closer to the host.
You got to get on that
side and you got to be first. Okay. If you're, if your name's not first, your
name is last.
You want to be a Dan Hanses, not a Mark Sessler. Right now you're in the middle.
You're in the
purgatory. I sit in the middle too. Let me tell you something. If I was
terrible, if I was,
this was a picture from someone in the crowd, but it's the only thing I have of
it. What Aaron is
showing a closeup. Uh, this is a great advertisement to watch the YouTube. If I
was in that stadium
anywhere in that background, like a blur dot, my name would, my