Name: The Jeselnik & Rosenthal Vanity Project / You Guys Comedy Fans? (Full Eps. 236)
Uploaded: 2024-02-28T17:00:25.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The Jeselnik & Rosenthal Vanity Project / You Guys Comedy Fans? (Full Eps. 236)' from Anthony Jeselnik on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-02-28. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The Jeselnik & Rosenthal Vanity Project / You Guys Comedy Fans? (Full Eps. 236)' from Anthony Jeselnik on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-02-28. Transcript available.

The Jeselnik & Rosenthal Vanity Project / You Guys Comedy Fans? (Full Eps. 236)

go for it oh yeah five pre-rolls today starting with prize picks price picks
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slash jrvp five pre-rolls stretching the bounds of decency like our
conversations about valentine's
day cards body counts and a possible new podcast name all coming up in episode
236 of the jeselnik
and rosenthal vanity project jrvp junior vice president a lot of people tell me
i look like megan fox
all right you nailed the pre-rolls nailed them that's right i hit the ground
running flew right
through them and then you fucked me on the jrvp i don't know why i thought
after 236 episodes
that i would try to change up the cadence give a little different emphasis it
didn't make sense
i apologize but i know where uh that quote is from because i've been watching
love is blind
season six yeah uh waiting for those last few episodes to come out look look i
uh i do not like
love is blind i i tried to watch last season and i truly hated it that was the
worst season i've seen
and i got in late i didn't watch the beginning you know and this time was like
please watch it with me
i'll re-watch the beginning of it with you so that you can get into it for the
for the final stretch
and i hate it i still hate it uh it truly feels like in in a way that other
reality tv doesn't that
i'm like truly it's a true a true time suck and none of these people belong
together um but the uh
the megan fox girl uh really cracked me up yeah i've been enjoying her she's
kind of the worst i get
i mean she she uh if you told if she told me in real life that she was like megan
fox's second cousin
or second i was like oh yeah i can kind of see that now there's like different
variations of it
it was set up for me in a way like you this girl who looks nothing like megan
fox is claiming to look
megan fox and when i saw it i was like it's actually better for her the way it
comes out
you know it's not that bad we don't need to talk about this anymore i'm wearing
sunglasses today
go on to the youtube and see me in sunglasses i haven't worn sunglasses in in
over a year on the
podcast uh it's been a day for old jazz now uh eagle eared listeners of the pod
will know that
last week i had said this day i was taking rummy to the vet for the third time
trying to get him
there i had new medications i had new everything i was ready for this i was
ready for today
i went to bed early last night because i'm like i've got to take him there i
gotta get him there by
like 10 15 i want to get him walked out i gotta get him the meds make sure he's
passed out get him
there i set my alarm for 7 30 in the morning and i go to bed at midnight
exactly i'm like i'm fucking
i'm i'm in this i i jump out of bed at 5 in the morning with food poisoning and
i have been sitting
i've been i've been asked to pour saline for a good chunk of the day except for
when i have been
walking rummy around the neighborhood to tire him out except for when i've been
standing in a vet's
office with my terrified dog shaking in my arms i got him to the vet got him
through most of it
there was one vaccine they couldn't give him because he was like no he's over
it now and they
couldn't do the blood work but we got him to the vet but i i'm not having a
good day it's like that
it's that food poisoning where it's all at the one end so like my voice is okay
i'm not throwing up
but i'm not happy how do you know that's what it is because i woke up and i was
like liz the
craziest thing happened to me this morning she was like it happened to me at 3
a.m we don't know what
we ate but what if it's like a you know it could just be like a virus it's very
possible but i feel
great except for the fact that i have to be near a bathroom and i i would have
i would have canceled
the podcast today except greg said what about the patreon episode we do right
after it and i said oh i
forgot about the real money five pre-rolls is a drop in the bucket five pre-rolls
is what we tip
aaron on the way out the door the patreon is where the money is that's where
the entertainment is
that's where the effort lies you want to hear the full story of taking rummy to
the vet
with with my diarrhea described in detail then you got to go to that patreon my
friend you got to sign up
and so that results in sunglasses yeah i truly i could not feel worse but i'm
okay so i was just
like you know what today's gonna be a sunglasses day i can pull it off um last
weekend i did norfolk
virginia and uh and uh charlotte north carolina uh no free porn in both those
states you go to that
state you try to dial up you porn you're is it porn hub yeah you try to dial up
porn hub you're in for a
nasty surprise both both are both states i mean i finally i left virginia and i
was like oh thank god
and i was like nope nope virginia north carolina they got things in common and
it's no free porn wow so
um what about if you do it on incognito mode i don't know i don't know what
that means i'm joking
like uh yeah you know you're on google chrome and you there's like a mode you
can use so that
your search history you know can't be looked at by other people using the
computer but it wouldn't
really so i don't think it would really get around that it doesn't solve all of
life's ills i just wish it
would i just i was like okay i don't want porn i'll just beat up a housekeeper
that liz wasn't
with me this weekend that's how i got through it it's fine uh shows were great
uh charlotte it was
weird my parents came to charlotte but uh we only got to talk for like 20
minutes before the show
they were like we're we got to take your we gotta we gotta leave we got people
with us who got to go
home and i had a meeting with my production team and new director for the
special afterwards so i get to
see him for a few minutes and i just seen him last weekend you know at the
wedding but it's still
weird to have your parents come backstage in charlotte see him for 20 minutes
and then and
that's the end of it what did they think about the lack of free porn in the
state my dad came in hot
my dad was furious my mom was okay my mom travels with her porn she's never got
to even look at the
phone but my dad is heavily reliant i'm like dad if there's ever like a power
outage what are you
gonna do what if you don't have your phone and there's no housekeeper nearby
what are you gonna
do physical media is not dead right thank you you bring the vhs tape uh vcr the
connectors um
they must have noticed though with you like wow anthony was so much more
pleasant
last week at the wedding than he is this week and just they just they kept
asking like what's wrong
with your knuckles what's wrong with your knuckles so they kept saying to me
but no it was it was a
fun weekend and then this weekend i'm going to canada i've got uh london ontario
hamilton
and toronto uh which i'm very much looking forward to five shows in three
nights
um and then i got a week off which will be uh it will be nice but we're we're
coming to the end game
and aaron where's end game at the end aaron oh point me in the direction would
you please towards
milwaukee that's right uh everything's lining up i'm excited you have an
international tour perhaps
after milwaukee definitely an international tour for sure but like but that is
you know i gotta worry
about how i'm looking i gotta i gotta figure out my wardrobe you know things
are things are coming
together but i'm i'm excited but i i'm seeing the weekends disappear and lead
where aaron towards
milwaukee towards milwaukee i give you credit though these um it's not easy
being on the road every
weekend like that it took it took 45 years but now i do i give you credit
i would give anything to go to one city weekend like like you do i would i don't
do anything i did one
super bowl trip for six nights in vegas and that felt like i needed a solid two
weeks to recover
from just to like i didn't i didn't want to go far places the next weekends
like we were planning just
because like oh i just i just did that's too much yeah the uh the time the time
difference the time
jump to east coast was uh was a kick in the dick then again i have two kids i
take care of whereas
that's like equivalent to you know 16 dogs or something your old math is your
math is so off
it's equal to half a dog although as emica has pointed out recently and this is
so embarrassing i um shouldn't say it on the podcast but she has never had to
orgasm
she has never left me alone with the kids for like a night she's never gone on
vacation and like
left the kids with me ever do you think it's like that would be that would be
less embarrassing she's
afraid of what would happen what do you mean she's never left the kids with you
this is it literally
never happened because because she was bringing up um yeah i'm going to austin
for my other podcast uh
for south by southwest it's related to my other podcast in march or whatever
and she's like oh that's
another you know a couple nights just you're you're leaving me here like i'm
you never do that with
me i was like i've i've told her go to japan go do stuff do do whatever i'll i
got them for a week i
don't i i can do it but it's never actually happened and then she did bring up
but she wants to go to
seoul this summer from tokyo and i was like wow you can't go without me i want
to go to seoul yeah
i want to go with you the two of us should go when are you gonna go go from uh
this summer i want to
go from tokyo it's like i want to go you can't go there i mean she's like you're
not letting me go
that he was like well yeah the soul is somewhere cool yeah so we're just right
there yeah she can
go hang out with her in-laws on her own let her do that yeah you want to you
want to be in seoul
that was worth that story um anything else aaron do you got anything from the
week
so great airport that wasn't that wasn't the story um my wife my wife did go
she she went to vegas
with her sister and saw adele so you've been left alone with your kids yeah
yeah your wife the whole
weekend aaron got cheated on
you 100 got cheated on no you don't think so no i mean i guess when you got
when you got the milk at home why pour milk all over yourself when you're in vegas
exactly yeah
and now it's time for did we get any notes that make it makes sense
you really flew through that you know you didn't ask me how my week was i
thought that was