Name: The Jeselnik & Rosenthal Vanity Project / You Don’t Know Nothing About That (Full Eps.246)
Uploaded: 2024-05-09T16:40:23.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The Jeselnik & Rosenthal Vanity Project / You Don’t Know Nothing About That (Full Eps.246)' from Anthony Jeselnik on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-05-09. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The Jeselnik & Rosenthal Vanity Project / You Don’t Know Nothing About That (Full Eps.246)' from Anthony Jeselnik on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-05-09. Transcript available.

The Jeselnik & Rosenthal Vanity Project / You Don’t Know Nothing About That (Full Eps.246)

Rolling.
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Only one pre-roll means Anthony can get home faster,
but not before we talk about 60,000 monsters in the bedroom,
killing your dog, and Anthony's right-wing fans
all coming up in episode 246 of the Jeselnik and Rosenthal Vanity Project.
J-R-V-P.
Junior Vice President.
You started by saying you'd do anything.
But what I'm hearing is you think you've done everything.
Everything's a little funky today because we're separated.
Anthony misses me, but I'm home.
I'm taping this from home.
You can check it out on YouTube, the home studio.
Anthony in the studio looking funky fresh.
Yeah, my whole plan was I'm going to be in a better mood this week.
I'm going to do what I can.
And then I got here and I was like, you know what?
Nope.
I'm going to be a little better.
What have I been doing this week?
Fucking nothing.
I've been fighting off a cold.
You can probably hear it in my voice.
I've been reading on the couch with my dog.
That is all I've wanted to do.
Aaron's walking in here right now doing something.
I don't know what it is.
Okay.
All right.
You're going to line up my eyeline.
Okay.
I almost said something before and then I was like, I don't give a shit if it's
going to make the podcast longer.
I'm just waiting for my Netflix as a joke show on Friday.
I can't do stand-up in town while Netflix is going on because it's all Netflix
shit and I want nothing to do with it.
But I will do that set Friday and then have a few more tour dates.
About to announce some Australian dates, some other tour dates around the world
before we get to Europe in September.
And I would be okay if it all got canceled.
I would be okay if I didn't have to do anything ever again.
I'll switch jobs with Aaron if that's what it takes.
Aaron, what's my quote from this week?
Aaron's running back in.
Aaron, what's my quote from?
It's like you've never done this before.
It sounds like Tarantino.
You started by saying you'd do anything.
But what I'm hearing is you think you've done everything.
Is it Wrath of Man?
It's Wrath of Man, Aaron.
It's Wrath of Man.
Well, I give it a compliment by saying it sounds like Tarantino.
Tarantino wishes he could pen something as good as Wrath of Man.
How many words do you think were in the movie Wrath of Man total, Aaron?
Probably 300.
You know what?
Over, under?
That's pretty good.
I would say under on that.
H.
Like the bomb.
With Jesus H.
Christ.
It doesn't make any sense.
Why are you doing it?
Greg and I, I wanted to talk.
We wanted to talk last week about this and we forgot to talk about it.
The Drake, Kendrick Lamar rap battle from hell.
I wanted to talk to Greg about it, but Greg don't know nothing about that.
You don't know nothing about that.
I wanted to talk to Aaron about it, but you don't know nothing about that.
That's true.
I really don't.
Greg doesn't even get the reference I'm making right now.
I get the reference.
I'm just like cringing at you, mangling it.
You don't know nothing about that.
You know, taking like such a cool song, such a catchy song.
I mean, it's got to be the catchiest diss track since Cannabis' second round KO.
And then making it sound, you know, somehow less cool.
But I do like that, especially in L.A.
Like some guy had it as his walk-up music, as the Dodgers game.
The USC football team had it playing.
Like it's the L.A. anthem right now, Team Kendrick.
I wish that you could be the arbiter of cool and tell me what is and is not
cool,
but you don't know nothing about that.
I don't know if I'm doing it right.
I like, listen, I hate Drake.
I hate Drake.
Always have, always will.
Drake is corny.
I hate corny.
Anyone who's ever dissed Drake, I've been on their side.
I loved Pusha T, Story of Adidon, was my North Star for a year.
But Kendrick coming out like this with just so many swings, having like, having
records in the can, just waiting.
And the fact that this has ended, as of Tuesday, this has ended with Drake
putting out like a total piece of shit, like weak-ass one, and Kendrick just
letting it sit there.
Which I think is perfect.
The perfect way to win a rap battle is let them put out some bullshit and then
just chill.
I'm here for it.
I love it.
What do you think, Greg?
You're Team Drake, I assume?
No.
You weren't convinced by Drake's last one that was like, I'm really not into
young women.
Like, if that is, is that your thing?
And like, oh, I planted this story about the second daughter that you rapped
about.
Okay, so wait, the logic is you planted a story so that my rival would rap
about a second daughter that doesn't exist so that I could come back and be
like, no, actually the daughter doesn't exist.
The fact-checking is very funny.
Also saying, I knew you'd come at me with some underage girl stuff is very
funny.
To be like, I knew that's what you were going to do.
Oh, you did?
How did you know that?
How did you know, Drake?
I love it.
Team Kendrick.
I hope Drake never puts out another song again.
I hope he goes back to Degrassi.
But you would know nothing about that, Greg.
And I think I nail it.
Okay, Aaron, play me a clip of me saying, you don't know nothing about that.
Ready?
You don't know nothing about that.
All right, now play Kendrick from the song doing it.
Ready?
One, two, you don't know nothing about that.
It's identical.
Yeah.
It's identical.
And if you think it's not, you don't know nothing about that.
This is the most L.A. you've ever sounded.
I feel L.A.
I'm wearing a Hollywood Stars hat.
If you can see.
If you can tell.
What are the Hollywood Stars?
They were a minor league baseball team a long time ago.
I don't think, I believe they're not still around.
But I've always wanted a hat and I finally found one in my size.
Listen, I don't feel good.
I'm still downshifting from the tour.
I do not feel good.
I am not fun to be around.
I am trying to get out of it.
We'll see what happens.
And now, what else did you do this week, Greg?
What else did you do this week on this lightning fast episode of, did you watch
the roast?
Did you watch the Tom Brady roast?
Yeah, I was curious for your opinion on it.
I watched most of it.
Yeah.
How could I not?
Brady, Belichick.
It was fun as a Patriots fan seeing those two guys giving shit to each other
and enjoying each other's company.
That was cool.
The jokes, I thought, for the most part, were pretty killer.
Like the Aaron Hernandez bits.
Like Brady's 9-11.
I mean, it was fun.
What did you think?
Again, I did not watch it.
I have not watched the roast since I appeared on a roast.
But I hear, and I talk to people about it because I'm interested.
I believe that Nikki Glaser destroyed, had the set of the night.
That's like, that's incontrovertible.
I hear Sam Jay did great.
I heard Tony Hinchcliffe had a great set.
The Jeff Ross thing fascinated me because the clip I saw from the roast is Jeff
Ross making a joke about a massage
and then Tom Brady walking over to him and saying, don't say that shit again.
Which is a very Jeff Ross thing to do because in the old roasts on Comedy
Central, they were edited.
And I believe, like, I think people probably tuned in to this Netflix one
because it was unedited and that made it dangerous, which I get.
But a roast should not be three hours long.
You should edit things down, take out the stuff that people were bad or someone
was fumbling around.
I'm okay with that.
A two-hour roast is still too long, 90 minutes.
But Jeff Ross' thing was, there were always rules you couldn't do on a roast.
And Jeff Ross would almost always break them.
He would just do it knowing that the joke would get edited out, but that in the
article, like, from Variety, who was live at the show,
they would put that joke in of, like, Jeff Ross got the biggest ooze of the
night with this joke,
even though it wouldn't appear on the show.
Jeff's always looking for his moment.
And I mean this in total respect.
I'm not calling him out.
Like, Jeff knows how to do roasts and he looks for his moment.
And that was it.
Of being like, I know I'm not supposed to make fun of Kraft for the massage.
I'm doing it anyway.
And my worst nightmare would be Tom Brady walking up to me, whispering in my
ear,
knock that shit off on live television.
Would be terrifying.
But Jeff does his thing.
I would not have done that.
But I love that Jeff did it.
It seemed like a fun time.
Some of you haven't had a good time.
But yeah, good job, Nicky Glazer.
You're the roast master.
You can have it.
Good job, Bill Belichick.
I mean, not, you know, the delivery wasn't amazing, but just how the jokes he
did really went for it.
And I heard, you know, we have friends that were involved in putting the show
together or whatever and got to see him.
Supposedly, he was, you know, very nervous backstage and everything.
But the jokes went for it.
They were, just seeing Belichick do jokes was amazing.
I did hear, I don't know if this was inside info, inside reporting or just
speculation,
but that little bit of Brady going up to tell Ross might have been pre-planned
in a way to like shut down everyone else from making those jokes.
Because he was first up.
That was like his fourth joke that he said.
And so to stop everyone else from maybe doing that.
Because it didn't sound like much was off limits.
I think Brady's kids were off limits.
And other than that, like he was definitely wincing in a very real way when
they were talking about like Giselle's karate, you know, teacher becoming the
father to Brady's kids.
Yeah, that's not fun to hear.
I don't know why Brady did it.
I don't know why Brady put himself through that.
What did he gain?
What does he have today that he did not have two days ago?
I don't, I don't understand.
He was a good sport.
He went for it, but I do not understand.
And he was good.
I was actually, I thought he would suck with, you know, telling the jokes and
he was pretty good.
I do have one other thing I thought you would find interesting from this week.
I know you want this to be quick.
I would say no part of me wishes I had been at that roast.
There was zero part of me that was like felt like I was missing out.
What were you going to say?
Me too.
My friend Brendan was in town this week from high school.
You don't know him.
And he had a couple of friends that were in town for the Netflix festival.
One of them was a professor at UNC.
And she teaches an American studies course focused on standup comedy.
And she knew about J.R.V.P.
And I met her, you know, we got coffee and everything.
And I found out she teaches Anthony Jeselnik.
That actually you're part of like the very first lesson or class of the
semester.
I don't exactly know what it is.
It's like ethics and morals.
Like she's a fan.
She likes you.
And somehow it's connected to you and Freud.
I don't even know.
But she says she puts you in the first class almost as a test to get as many
people as possible to drop out of the class.
Because some people just can't kind of handle it.
So I thought that was fun.
I love it.
I mean, listen, if you like to get people out of your class by showing them me.
Get them out.
Your degree is worthless unless you can sit through all five hours of my standup.
And now it's time for, did we get any notes?
Did we get any notes?
Yeah, we got some notes.
I know Greg has something he wants to talk about.
I would like to address something up top.
Listen, I just want to apologize to everyone.
I know I haven't been feeling great lately.
It's been a lot.
But that's no excuse.
For last week, I forgot to ask the audience of the Jesselnick and Rosenthal Vanity
Project.