Name: The Jeselnik & Rosenthal Vanity Project / But For Me, It Was Tuesday (Full Eps.250)
Uploaded: 2024-06-05T16:00:30.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The Jeselnik & Rosenthal Vanity Project / But For Me, It Was Tuesday (Full Eps.250)' from Anthony Jeselnik on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-06-05. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The Jeselnik & Rosenthal Vanity Project / But For Me, It Was Tuesday (Full Eps.250)' from Anthony Jeselnik on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-06-05. Transcript available.

The Jeselnik & Rosenthal Vanity Project / But For Me, It Was Tuesday (Full Eps.250)

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everyone wants in anthony
on the last jrvp for a while in this very special episode we break down eating
mom as a garnish the best
things about aaron and what anthony and i will do together during the jrvp
break all coming up in
episode 250 of the jeselnick and rosenthal vanity project jrvp junior vice
president troopers i've just
been given new orders our superiors say the war has been canceled and we can
all go home bison is getting
paid off for his crimes and our friends who have died here will have died for
nothing
but we can all go home meanwhile ideals like peace freedom and justice they get
packed up but
we can all go home well i'm not going home i'm gonna get on my boat and i'm
going up a river
and i'm gonna kick that son of a bitch bison's ass so hard
that the next bison wannabe is gonna feel it now who wants to go home and who
wants to go with me
i nailed it i nailed it i don't know if we need to tape the rest of the episode
i know we have a lot
of ads everyone wants in on episode 250 but i just feel like i'm ready to go i'm
ready to go with you
that was stirring i nailed it nailed nailed the speech look i went to oklahoma
this last weekend
and i will not go back uh the show was the show was fine it's one of those uh
it's one of those
places where everyone i talked to thanked me profusely for coming there and i
understood why
uh it's a casino it's the middle of nowhere in oklahoma the venue itself was
like kind of an
airplane hanger kind of thing ton of people uh packed in there not great sound
uh not my favorite
uh within seconds of getting on stage uh someone had a seizure in the audience
and i did not
understand what was happening for like five minutes i think that they just can't
hear me
so i'm like trying to get them to turn my mic up over and over again as people
just scream at me
guy was okay uh show was fun after that um oklahoma is crazy but i sat in my
room
and memorized the jean-claude van damme speech from uh from street fighter i
was i was reading
a reddit thread i was randomly on reddit just going through uh and it was it
was a what are
some great lines from bad movies like you'll be seeing a terrible movie and all
of a sudden a great
line comes up and in this one it was uh um bison's line raul julia in his final
performance
saying you know you remember this day i destroyed your village and killed your
family but to me
it was a tuesday and that's that is a great that's an all-timer line to me it
was a tuesday
and then someone else brought up the jean-claude van damme speech and i thought
it was so funny
that i watched the clip and then i start to memorize it and i write it i transcribe
it and
i keep emailing it to myself at like 10 o'clock at night uh on like a friday
night in in oklahoma
i'm just emailing myself and it keeps on not going through i can see it in my
scent and i can't find
it but i have it written down i repeat it a million times and then i get home
and on sunday my dad
texts me and he's like i think you got hacked because i just kept getting this
email
i had accidentally because my dad had the same name he is like anthony f and i
just and so he just kept
getting the the jean-claude van damme speech over and over again on a friday
night i told my brother
he was dying uh but i was i have to come in here and uh nail it nail it today
but i did i think i pumped
everyone up so so motivated so excited i saw that movie in the theater and i
feel like i was there
again yeah i took my little brother to see it in the theater and oh god what a
bad movie but knowing
now that jean-claude van damme was like coked out of his mind the whole time
and they couldn't get
it together uh and the ral jolly was showed up dying of cancer they didn't know
i mean it's it's it's
watching it again is really fun and that speech they must have cobbled it
together from many many
takes it is phenomenal and it shows you can be um i can be quite an actor quite
a thespian if asked
i mean if i had been in that movie instead of jean-claude van damme even though
i was 16 years old at the
time of its release i think it would have been a lot better look we're not
going anywhere jrvp is
coming back um but if for some reason something happens life interferes you
never know the legacy
of your dad emailing you back that you think you were hacked uh will stay with
me trying to explain
to my dad i thought about sending him the clip and i and i encourage people to
take the clip of me
saying it up top and put it next to the clip of jean-claude van damme i do a
little faster
i try to do it at his pace it's no good for me okay i'm more aggressive than jcvd
but i did uh i did
in fact nail it you couldn't retweet that if someone sent that out on twitter
because you're gone but
but i will yeah go ahead send it to me i want to see that have fun on twitter i'm
barely on instagram
or uh or uh tiktok but i did celebrate rummy's gotcha day yesterday four years
to the day since i got
rummy so i picked him up i went and took him excuse me took him for a little
walk around the uh silver
leg reservoir just got him outside gave him much excuse me gave him a bunch of
treats we had a good
day four years four years since i got that little dude it seems longer to be
honest because he's
turning five in december i got him at six months old i feel like it's been five
years but when i got
him people were like oh it takes a while for them to get out of the puppy phase
he's gonna be a handful
but wait like four years and four years sounded insane to me that i was like
maybe a year or two
and they'd look at me like kind of like uh you're in for trouble but now it's
been four years and i
really do feel the calm uh dog of it all you do oh yeah unless he has to go to
the vet
unless he has to go to the vet the vet's a problem but next time i'll know to
give him a little more
you know dope him up a little more and i think i just know with you know
friends people coming over
it's uh that's a no-go it's a no-go but i'm fine with that i tried to develop a
relationship with
rummy but he doesn't remember who the fuck i am you didn't try that hard if you
could see if you saw
him on neutral ground i tried about as hard as you with with the kids the last
few years
on neutral ground you guys were fine it's in my home things get a little weird
but i will i will
be there more for your for your kids you don't need to be it's it's fine they
don't want anything
to do with me they they think that's not true but they don't really i come over
and they come and say
hi and then they hide i mean walker would love to hang out ellis is reaching a
point certainly 12
years old that she doesn't outwardly show as much enthusiasm for uh hanging out
with the adults
in her life that includes me but i know i know deep inside she's she's a softie
i want ellis to get
to the point because when kids are kids you know they they think all adults are
lame at some point she
will get to the point in her life that she thinks we're cool that she
recognizes that even though we're
adults we're cool adults but that's a year that's a few years off if she gets
there by 18 i'd be
thrilled maybe it might be a college thing for her uh walker i want to take
walker to a baseball
game i maybe three of us go and uh and check out a dodgers game that would be
uh that would be fun
emica's like what i can't go watch my favorite uh baseball player in the world
i can i can she's
invited but you're right we can leave ellis somewhere else because she's really
not into it she now
brings books to live sporty events like the dodgers game and i allow it because
i'm just like i i fought
that battle and then i was like what's why enjoy your book just let her enjoy
your book what's just
annoying you're paying a lot of money and you're like you want everyone to be
having fun but sure
but that's one way to enjoy a baseball game is just sitting there reading a
book i wouldn't
recommend it but i would be okay if i took her to a game and she read the whole
time uh but yeah i'd like
to uh see you guys while uh while i'm off i have like i'm one of our questions
i was doing my
schedule and i have almost a month now i've got like two or three dates before
i leave international
uh in the next few weeks i have like two weeks off which i'm thrilled about and
then i was put typing
in the schedule for i think we've announced all the dates except for india i've
got three dates in
india coming right after asia that i have not uh announced yet but are
definitely coming i've got
them in my book and it's a it's a lot ticket sales okay in asia and stuff i
think i mean ticket it
just opened up in asia so they're the lowest but you know it's getting there it's
uh the kind of
smaller venues that i'm doing in europe the europe dates are almost all sold
out which is uh which is
really nice and australia is uh almost sold out i think uh new zealand we will
see what happens in
there i i have gone ahead and asked for security while i'm in new zealand i don't
ask for security when
i'm uh touring when i'm in a casino yes casino i don't go anywhere without
security but new zealand
just in case just in case
just in case somebody because of the shark party because they're promoting me
coming to new zealand
with shark party there's just kind of invite something that i'm like just have
a guy stand
next to me to make sure you know no one throws throws a balloon or something
but i am uh i'm very
fired up to go international and very fired up to just be home i've just been
sleeping how is the
like declenching situation it's good it's just better it just i had not been
able to sleep for like a
year and a half and lately i have just been focusing on getting as much sleep
as i can and that has been
helping i feel like a different person so i am uh i'm good how are how are you
i'm good sleeping is
everything it's like it is everything there was a two-year period where walker
didn't sleep couldn't
sleep and it wasn't as a baby which is what really threw us for a loop i mean
he wasn't a great sleeper
as a baby but no babies can sleep perfect it was between when he was three and
a half and five and a
half or six and it was the worst two two and a half years of my life like it
completely changed my entire
life it was just like survival