Name: The Jeselnik & Rosenthal Vanity Project / Surprise! (Full Eps.251)
Uploaded: 2024-08-21T14:45:23.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The Jeselnik & Rosenthal Vanity Project / Surprise! (Full Eps.251)' from Anthony Jeselnik on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-08-21. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The Jeselnik & Rosenthal Vanity Project / Surprise! (Full Eps.251)' from Anthony Jeselnik on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-08-21. Transcript available.

The Jeselnik & Rosenthal Vanity Project / Surprise! (Full Eps.251)

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product and subscription plan. Let's go! Two surprise pre-rolls out of nowhere!
A very special episode
where we talk about Anthony's summer abroad, his food poisoning, and of course,
a beheading.
All coming up in episode 251 of the Jesselnick and Rosenthal Vanity Project. JRVP!
Junior Vice President. Some fries, motherfucker!
Out of nowhere! Surprise drop for the fans. I love it. For the kids. You know,
sometimes they're like,
oh, why does Greg dance when he feels like he's forcing himself to dance? I
feel like dancing today.
That's how excited I am for 251. Oh yeah? Yeah. I mean, I was surprised how
much you wanted to get back
on the stick. You were in the middle of Asia and you were like, we need to do a
show. You even went
as far as to email Aaron yourself, which I don't believe you've ever done, to
schedule anything. And
you were like, we need to set this up. We need to get it done. I had Aaron's
email address in my
computer already, so I must have done something. But I was like, there's so
much happening on this tour
that I, I should, it's a waste not to go and recap it, uh, for the people, for
myself, even, uh, for my
parents, who I still have not talked to since I've been back. Um, yeah, just a
lot happened. And again,
listen, so much happened even today that I was like, that I wanted to get into
real fast. I went to the
jaw doctor today, the guy who puts Botox in my jaw and the guy who made my
mouth guards that I wear.
And while I had been on this last leg of the tour, I started to get this fear
of what if I dropped and like it broke my mouth guard and I'm in this like
other country or what
if I lose it somewhere? I'm always like, this is the last thing I double check
for before I leave
a hotel room. Like, do I have that? Otherwise my sleep is painful. And I
realized that if I didn't
have it, that it would be like, I'd have to go back to America and have this
guy make me another
one like from scratch. But if I go and have like the basically get the mold
thing taken. Now he has
it on file and he can make it for me whenever. So when I got back, I was like,
I need to make this
appointment and get the, get my, my jaw scanned again. And I don't realize what
a process this is
going to be, but it should be easy. In the past, it used to be like a mold
where you put your jaw
into this thing. You have to hold it for a while and it sucks. Everyone hates
that. Now it's a
digital thing. I mean, it's fine. Relax. But it still sucks. It's unpleasant to
sit there with it
in your mouth. Now it's a digital scan where he puts a wand in your mouth and I'm
like, Oh,
this is easy. So let me schedule that today. I have not been in a great mood
for like a month
because I've just been tired. Like the jet lag leaving, being on the road. I'm
just always kind
of like a little bit of a, on, on, on, on edge. And this digital thing was the
biggest mistake I've
ever made in my life where he's explaining to me what's going to happen. He's
like, so I'm going to
put this wand in your mouth and I've got to get the scan and I've got to like
go back and forth
until it scans everything. And he starts talking about music and they let them
play their own music
and it's on shuffle. But the shuffle is we don't, they haven't figured out
shuffle. And so it's just
the same song per customer. And I'm like, what are you talking about? I'm just,
it's in one or not
the other. I don't understand. And then I lean back and he puts the wand in my
mouth and I understand
what he's saying now. As he moves the wand, he's, it's like on a video screen.
And whenever the,
the wands like not scanning it and he's got to scan it over it, like the music
drops out. So it plays a
song loud. And then every time he's got to start over again, it starts the song
from scratch.
Now I had never heard the song before in my life. I am head back. Aaron, play
the song and play it as
loud as it was in the room.
All right. So now this, and now I think I'm in waiting room hell. Like why is
this song playing so
loudly? And then it would like pause for a second and you would get low for a
second and then come
back on even louder. Aaron, keep, keep playing the song.
Now when this guy starts singing, I am stunned because I thought it was just a
music thing. This is like a real
song. And I start laughing and then it starts over again from scratch. It's the
next time he does it
that I'm like, I'm in it for 20 minutes. I'm playing this over. Eventually I'm
like, you know what?
I've got to Shazam this song. I need to know what this is because I'm thinking
it's some like weird
metal-y thing. And Aaron, what's the song? It's called Up All Night by The War
on Drugs.
The War on Drugs. I've heard of that band. I like The War on Drugs. Yes. I've
recognized his voice
there. I didn't realize it. Yeah. But, and so when I go to Shazam it and the
doctor gets like an
offended look on his face, like am I making fun of him? He's like, it's The War
on Drugs.
Now I've heard of The War on Drugs and I thought, I would assume they were cool.
But based on that,
that's not cool. Not cool at all. And then another song comes on after this.
See, I'm finally finished.
And he turns that off and I'm like, he's like, are you okay? And I'm like, why?
Why do you have to
play loud music while you're doing the scan? He's like, oh, so you know? And I'm
like, no. You could
play soft music that would tell you when it's scanning or not. Why do I have to
be involved? Like he
thinks it's cool just to get to listen to music. And then he starts, another
song starts playing and
he laughs and he goes, I know you don't have to Shazam this. And whatever he's
listening to is the
worst shit I've ever heard. The worst shit I've ever heard in my life. And I
start laughing in his
face because I know 100% in my heart that what I'm listening to is Steely Dan.
And so I Shazam it
because I'm like, this is what people talk about Steely Dan. And I'm like, I've
never listened
to. I never hear it. But this song was so fucking bad that I just started
laughing. And this guy was
so proud of it. He was proud of the song. I mean, have other customers
complained? Patience? I would
assume. Who the fuck knows? My Old School by Steely Dan. It was so fucking bad.
It was real bad. So yeah,
that was my jaw journey today. I could not believe it. I feel bad that War on
Drugs is,
you know, that probably is their song that sounds the most like Muzak. I would
say in general,
they're great. You know, they have a lot of good songs. I'll never know. They're
dead to me.
They're dead to me. How was your week? It's been three months, right? How long
has it been?
I don't remember. We talked a decent amount while you were gone. We texted. I
was getting updates while
you were on the road and whatnot. You've been gone this whole time. I mean, a
lot. A lot's been going
on. I mean, the amount of stuff that we've missed, that I've missed. I mean,
let's go. You have a new
job now. Okay. Yeah. It was a stressful summer. It was a lot in general, right
around the time we
stopped taping the Jesselnick and Rosenthal Vanity Project. JRVP. Junior Vice
President.
My situation at work was changing and we had some family health concerns that
all ended up with
really great outcomes. I mean, everyone is great and healthy, but it was a
concern. So I was, I was
freaking out. It was not, it was not a strong start to the summer. It was very
stressful. And then, yeah,
the work thing, uh, changing around the NFL ended and yeah, I got back on, uh,
the mic and started NFL
daily back in July. So, you know, I don't ask for the JRVP listeners. I don't
ask for much, but even if
you don't like football, go just subscribe, just get those automatic downloads,
go, go on the YouTube
or whatever for, for NFL daily and, and support, support your guy. Yeah.
Everyone knows I did not
acknowledge Greg's former podcast, but I'm a big fan. I'm a big supporter of
NFL daily. Uh, very into
it. Um, I had heard, and tell me this is true. I had heard that when I told you
guys, I was taking
a break from JRVP that the NFL podcast was like, well, what the fuck do we need
this guy around for?
Let's get rid of him and his cronies and end it. And then decided to bring you
back when they heard
that I was coming back with more JRVP. Is that what happened? That, that is not
what happened. Um,
it was, uh, a lot of people did speculate in my mentions. I noticed they,
because JRVP went away
at the same time as, uh, around the NFL. So they were just like, some,
something's gone. It was not,
it was just a coincidence. That was a coincidence. And, uh, yeah, it's good. It's
been, it's been great
doing something new and we're, uh, we're having fun. The NFL season's about to
start. And so,
uh, it was a good time though, to have a little break from JRVP. I will say
that that would have
been a tough one to keep. I mean, I don't know how you do it. Like, again, I
haven't listened to the
new show yet, but I wanted to support you. I think the new start show started
in June and I was like,
Oh, let me listen. I'm like July. And I'm like, I don't know why anyone wants
to listen to an NFL
podcast, a daily one in July. It's so far away that I think that, that, uh,
that when the season
starts, that'll be, that'll be jamming. It's jamming now. Some people want to,
uh, but you're
right. I did maybe rush back just because I was losing my mind a little bit,
just being at home,
not working, uh, that, you know, the family stuff I was talking about. And I
could have like spent more
time trying to get everything as set up as possible. And I was just like, no,
you know what? Work,
work is good. Go back to work and just start figuring out as you go. And Emica
kind of pushed
me to do that. She was like, you should just go, just go back to work. If it's
a daily show,
you should just go. Cause you're getting, the repetition is making it better.
If it was a weekly
show, maybe you wait until there's more content, but I think you did the right
thing and it'll just make
the show even better. Once the NFL season starts, it's been, it's been started.
It's what do you think?
The season has started. We were into preseason. We're like, we're cranking
compared to a month
ago. It feels like the season has started and yeah, we were all set up. We're
doing it. Your
Steelers are falling apart and it's not even September. I'm I'd rather than
fall apart in
the preseason. Let's sign Russell Wilson on his third team in three years. That's
going to be great.
We're paying him a chicken salad sandwich for his services this year. We are a
QB deal. It doesn't
matter if they both sabotage the team, they could be selling plays out of the
playbook and it would
still be fine. We're paying them nothing. It's better than, but you still need
to have someone
playing well. That's true. They're both better than Kenny Pickett. Justin
Fields. I think actually
you could have some fun with Justin. It's going