Is your life going smoothly? Are you just floating from event to event feeling good about yourself? Because I'm not. These are technically the areas of my life that make me feel like something's wrong with me. So I get a pit bull named Keith, and everybody told me, "Keith's going to be your best friend." And I got to say, maybe my ninth best friend. Most interactions I have feel like when you go to throw something away, and it's in one of those garbage cans. It's got like a garbage hole, a recycling hole, and a compost hole. And you do your best, but afterward, you're like, "I don't think I did that right." Never been married. I don't think I can guarantee a woman's emotional safety. Pretty accessible comedy show, huh, folks? Something really is wrong with you, dude. I don't think Weed works on me. They sponsored comedy shows that I get, like, you know, bags and vapes and pipes. I have so much weed at my house that I cannot use. I basically become one of those old ladies with a lemon tree in her backyard. I'm like, "Take some weed, we take some weed." Would you ever ask married people how it is? Women sound like a politician ducking a hot button issue. "Hey, Lisa, how are things with you and Mike?" And she's like, "Kids are great." Guys sound like they're reading a hostage letter. They're like, "Hey, Mike, how are things with you and Lisa?" And he's like, "Hello." "I am happy."
