look you know i was able to make it work for myself and you know i consider that i don't consider myself lucky because i work super hard to get where i am and i've been really successful but like be creatively fulfilled and be professionally fulfilled you know i was always focused on taking the artistic road you know what i mean and i know that's hard because making that choice that's a big risk i took it i was able to succeed but now you know that's not for everybody good citizens of brooklyn new york oh please welcome to the stage all right david cross give me a call excuse me excuse me okay out of the way coming through move move move move move pardon me coming through camera man here we go rolling as prisoner number one eight seven six five nine three two one zero was being led to the de lausing showers she began to reflect upon her first eight days at auschwitz after having been rounded up from her home and her all her property and possessions destroyed or looted as her once most friendly neighbors jeered at and spit on her and her children as they were pistol whipped and send it to the train cars along with other jews and gay people and the disabled etc etc and upon arrival at the camp watched helplessly as her children were taken from her and marched into the woods just beyond the barbed wire and the guard towers a sound of gunshots and screams punctuating the barking orders of the nazi soldiers as she was taken to have her head shaved and her arm tattooed and during vicious experiments and slow starvation and as she was shoved back into the line for the de lausing shower it began to occur to her that perhaps these weren't showers after all and that this might be nothing that she would ever return from and as the doors were sealed shut and the zyklon b gas dispensed and she watched as everyone futilely clawed at the door and the window until they all succumbed one by one what were her final thoughts this is very much like that time the government required me to get vaccinated against the spanish flu it's the same thing it's really very it's very similar it's a it's a similar scenario some would say the exact same thing it's the exact same thing thank you good night thank you for coming um oh thank you guys so much for coming down here uh this is the last of our shows i can already hear my voice going uh because i yell a little later i'm gonna yell a couple times and uh uh uh uh this has been so much fun and thank you so much for coming and and uh also thank you everybody here is vaccinated had to show the proof of vaccination yeah everybody's got vaccine good that's great for obvious reasons uh but mostly because you know what that means no fucking cops hot free zone mother fucker yeah all right that's great um and uh and uh and just say so what which uh vaccines did everybody get uh Pfizer Pfizer yeah okay so there are there are i heard three jj i heard a jj and then over here and there was one over here right just the just the four of y'all okay okay okay um well i'm so sorry but uh i'm gonna have to ask you all to leave excuse me well that's i don't care it's you you got the johnson and johnson shot and you need to be with your own kind i was in canada for when the vaccine was uh uh made available i'll get to all that stuff in a bit but it was a much different situation in canada and you know we read and watched uh with with kind of uh jealousy like everybody in the states getting uh not everybody um prior people uh noted um so you you all got your vaccine by injection right i shot yeah yeah yeah in in canada but yeah i know it's not the right thing it was um mine was a gummy so that can't be right okay but all right so i know what vaccine you all got which uh microchip did everybody get would you elect to get 5g bitbull gates which one i haven't heard that one which one nvidia oh yeah you took it literally okay great that's one way to do a joke that's one way start here come right back around the other way maybe you'll pass something funny along the way maybe you won't maybe you won't okay good uh i got i went with it for two reasons uh i opted to get the uh microchip implanted by the liberal jew run media yeah yeah okay i'm for me my reason was uh on the off chance i know somebody who knows somebody you know somebody you know just in case the shit goes down and then also it was the only one the only chip that came in mixed berry so yeah i feel like i should say that to be honest totally honest i didn't do it uh for your safety the safety of others i didn't do it for my safety i i i was reluctant to get a vaccine until i found out that it would turn you into a magnet and then i was like fuck yeah and and i was i was because i heard that it was all on you know uh youtube videos of people going to town council meetings all over the country all over the place and and there's tons of them and um and they were all upset because it was the vaccine was going to turn people into magnets and that's the true purpose and i was like i'll i want to be a magnet i'll fucking i jumped at it just give me the fucking magnet vaccine i don't care which one i don't care where it is i'll go to a van under an overpass like you know with no windows and just like oh yeah what do you got what do you go for me well take some pints anyway i don't care i want i want to be uh why would you refuse magnet powers the government is giving away free magnet powers that's awesome i would happily jump on that if i can go to your yo give me that you know however it works i don't know you turn it on or off and just like with everybody's cell phones and compasses we're lost now you're triple lost all right go to go to the beach with those you know old guys like hey watch this motherfucker of ancient viking sword oh my god i would so i would love to have magnet powers so they would go uh uh to these you know the the town council meetings and they'd get they're livid and they're upset and they're they're proving because they got the vaccine and now it's now they've turned into a magnet and they take a spoon or uh you know some cutlery and and then they would they would go watch watch and then it would stick for a second and then it would drop off literally 100 of the time every single solitary time the cutlery would fall off because of course they're not a magnet because there's nothing that can turn you into a magnet we can't turn human beings into magnets so they and it would stick for a second second and a half you know because they were sweaty and um and sweating is an involuntary reaction that your body has to lying and these like how and they're they're falling off literally there's hundreds of them they're falling off and then they're you know trying to save face for whatever that's worth at this point and just like you know it's not okay well now it's not it was but now it's not because of the chemtrails those chemtrails are de-magnifying me like well i thought wait a second you were in here last week screaming at us about chemtrails you didn't so you like the chemtrails no what i mean for the anti-magnet but i'd rather had not i'd rather no ma is how much time is my allotted time up yet can i go can i go oh those poor guys anyway so as i said i was uh stuck in canada i had to go i was here for when it all started all the shit was going down and and nobody knew what was happening and it was uh very scary and horrific and nobody knew what to do and and uh and then uh it finally started to open up a little bit and that's when i had to go to canada uh which i assumed they'd have their together but they oh canada they did not and uh and we were we were there my whole family was there and and uh you know you weren't allowed to go back and forth and and we it was stay-at-home orders it was locked down except for two weeks in early march uh it was just locked down there was nothing to do i thought i'd be able to do stand up i didn't my point being that i didn't get to do stand up for a year and a half which is an eternity if you're a stand-up it's the easily easily the most narcissistic uh job you can have so i get on stage in front of strangers i'm like i i'm gonna i'm gonna make you listen to me for an hour fuck it fuck that not and i'm gonna charge you i'm gonna i'm going to charge you to listen and it the narcissism is insane so i i'm just saying that i i truly literally dreamed of this i mean this is this i these this moment i mean i i i just i dreamed of it and uh you know i was wearing a a different outfit uh but it was like it was like um like a one-piece mechanic uh like a jumps what do you call coveralls they were like coveralls i was wearing which i've never worn i've never owned coveralls i've never worn them uh and but they were kind of nice they weren't like greasy or anything there was it was understood in the dream that these were kind of you know not like a tux t-shirt but it's just like a a a nice nice coveralls and then and we were uh uh we were it was it was at this um it was in my house but not in my real house but in the dream it was my house you know but i've never been there in real life but you know and then and and you were there and we were um and we were like hosting this party the two of us were like we i we were like generally the host i couldn't tell you what the thing was but it was very fancy and there were people out on the lawn and you know there were people servers with champagne and stuff and it was just very fancy we knew we were a little bit nervous about it we started uh making out at one point and then and then and then it kind of switched and we were in this like old pantry like uh um like a big but a big pantry like a walk-in pantry and we're looking for something and and then we made out again but this time with with fingers and uh and and then but then we started getting nervous right because uh uh so we heard that fran drescher somebody comes in fran drescher's here fran drescher's here and we're like oh shit and it became really important to us in the dream uh it became really important uh to let everybody know to make sure they knew that uh it's like fran drescher uh uh she said she's not really a nanny she's an actress playing a nanny everybody needs to know that and then and then and then uh uh uh and then and then it kind of switched again because i i had to take a shit so then everything the rest of the dream was uh me uh just running around going like oh i gotta take a shit is this oh this bathroom is the water's running it's not it's broken and uh what about in here oh it's occupied and it was 20 minutes of walking around this house going like what about here oh there's the that's too hot okay what about here oh the lid is broken and then um and then i woke up uh because i had to take a shit and that is about how i'd say roughly 20 of my dreams go now that i'm now that i'm older uh i find like 20 of my dreams i'll be something will be happening and it'll just switch to like oh i gotta take a shit you know and like good good fun dreams like fun dreams like i'm part of this international team and we're scuba diving and there's like this wreck that we have to go and we have to find this like vial in the wreck and then i'm like this is and we're all you know uh you know signaling each other and like we're getting close to the thing i'm like oh hang on i gotta go back to the boat i gotta go back to the boat hey is there where's the toilet on this thing i can help me get this wetsuit off you know um or like you know my high school crush is trying to blow me and i'm like this is great i always wait wait wait i'm sorry hang on i don't where's your where's your toilet just hang on to stay there maybe you know make an omelet or something i'll get where's the toilet and i realized that that dream will never end satisfactorily i hope or maybe it will maybe it will that'll be a double-edged sword just in the dream like i'm running around 20 minutes like oh fin
