Watch or listen to the stand-up comedy special 'Middle Classy' (2022) by Cristela Alonzo on Comedy Buff. Transcript available.

Cristela Alonzo

Middle Classy

- What is TikTok? The lockdown started, TikTok blew up, and it was just families dancing. People were dying all over the world, but they're like, "Look at our rhythm." I grew up in the hood. Sometimes, we'll name our kids things we want out of life, you know, like, "Yo, that's my daughter, Mercedes. What's up? How you doing?" That's my son, Cade Waterbill. How you doing? Come say hi. Where's Cable?
Anyone seen Cable? - I grew up in poverty, and now I have money I never thought I had, you know? And now, I go crazy. Guess who buys bottled water? You know that saying, "Money can't buy you happiness"? That's poor people saying it. Let me tell you, money bought me happiness. When I got money, I went to therapy. I found out I had anxiety and depression. Whoever wears glasses, do you remember the first time you put glasses on and you're like, "Oh, this has always been here."
You know how rich people like to tell you they're rich? They're like, "We just got back from Paris." I'm like, "I just got back from LensCrafters." When I got insurance, I didn't know what to do with it, right? So I asked my friend, like, "What do I do with it?" He's like, "Go get a checkup." And I was like, "What's a checkup?" I'm gonna blow your minds. A checkup. That's when you wake up, you're not sick.
And you say, "Let's go to the doctor anyway." Come on.