Watch or listen to the stand-up comedy special 'Richard Pryor' (1968) by Richard Pryor on Comedy Buff. Transcript available. Tracks include: Girls, Smells, Improv, Pt. 1 (Bonus Track), and I Feel (Bonus Track).

Richard Pryor

Because the thing was to impress the girls, right? You know, all the guys. We used to go to State Park, man, where the girls used to hang out and play volleyball. State Park's a place, you know, in Peoria, they call it the model city. Right? That means we have the Negroes under control here. We used to go over and watch the girls play volleyball, right? And they'd just scream. Ah! Ah! Ah! And it made the guys horny, right?
You know. And the guys used to tell me girls would help you with your pimples. Right? They never told you that? Wow, man, they used to tell me that. And I used to go over to the girls, I said, can you help me with my pimples? Because I have some cream here. Oh, I don't want no cream. You know. What kind of girl do you think I am? Just a girl. Well, I'm not. I am a virgin. Dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun!
And you couldn't top that, man. Because being a virgin meant you could play the tambourine, the Salvation Army Band. Right? It's something. You see them? You ever sing it? I'm saving myself for the Lord. Dun-dun! I don't know where they get them. Hurts rent a virgin or something. I'm saving myself for the Lord. Clean, clean, clean. I envision someday, you know, they meet some hippie. Hi there, I'm the Lord.
Ha ha ha! Nowadays, everybody's a virgin, right? Because they've got birth control pills, you know. Women, 82, I'm a virgin! Who cares? That's really great. Women take a pill every day for nine months, you know. And in the nine months, give birth to an enormous tablet. I'm the proud father of nine-pound Addison, Mr. Johnson. Oh, I love it. Just keep it away from water. Girls were something, man. I never had no contact with girls when I was 14, man.
You know, I didn't, man. I didn't. It was a lot of touching my body when I was 14. I did. I did. I did. I got caught, too. My father caught me. My father caught me. It's really embarrassing, man, because he caught me with the oldest story in the world, right? You know, he said, at breakfast, he said, you know, son, little boys that play with themselves have hair on their hands. I remember this chick, man, I used to go over to her house, you know, Edna Mae, man, I used to wrestle with her for two hours, so she used to, when rubber panties just came out, those long rubber, and you'd wrestle for two hours trying to get those, and every time you'd get a grip, she'd move, and you'd lose your grip, and you'd have to wrestle two more hours, and by the time you got them off, you're just too tired, you'd have to do anything, you know.
I said, wow. And the fathers would catch, you know, what do you guys do in the front room and the door, like, what are you doing here, Mr. Pryor? Oh, nothing, sir, just sitting here on the couch with my pants off. Can't you just, well, not in here, but outside, man, you just go, smell, smell, smell. I love the smell of things. You know what I mean? Natural smells. I like funky people. Now, when a cat can get funky, man, I can grow with funky people.
I mean, it'd be rank, you know, be going, woo, I love it. Because chemicals, man, them chemicals you're putting on sometimes just wipe you out, man. And people worry, man, people worry about how this, I worry about how it smells. Sometimes, you know, I really get uptight about how it smells. I do, man. I be checking my breath out and carrying on, you know. I never had no breath when I was a legal kid.
I didn't get breath until I started hanging out with girls. Because the girls say, why do you guys have bad breath? And you ever see, you ever try to check yourself out, man, and be cool? And you worry about, you worry about your, you know, you worry about your, about your arms, you know, your arms, you know, you got to get your deodorants. But deodorants, see, are dangerous. Dangerous! No, deodorants are dangerous, man.
You ever read on a deodorant can? Because I don't have nothing to do but hang around, you know, when I read deodorant cans. And they say, "Caution, contents, highly implanable may explode." I don't know about you people, but I don't want nothing under my arms that's going to explode, you know. Right, because she could be walking down the street, you know. What the hell's wrong with him? I don't know, he don't smell.
This is a game that I'm going to play with you because I would like to play with you. And the name of the game is called improvisation. And improvisation is that you name what you would like, and I do it. Because sometimes it's really great, and again, you know, sort of like, sometimes it's great, sometimes it's not bad. But it's never boring. Come on. Batman. Batman. Okay. Robin, Robin, Robin, where have you been, you foolish boy?
Quick, quick, we've got to go to Gotham City to rescue the Queen of England. Come, you silly little bitch. Come on. Sometimes they go a little out. Well, uh... Oh, you have such a sweet, soft voice. I wish you'd say it over and over. No, what'd you say? I said, a Japanese meme at the hungry eye tonight. A Japanese meme. At the hungry eye tonight. Okay. Thank you. I wish you'd say it over. I wish you'd say it over.
I wish you'd say it over. I wish you'd say it over. I got the feeling Hey, I feel like a I feel sometime I feel like a I feel, I don't know how I feel, man I don't know how I feel I don't know how I feel I just, all I know is I feel And I feel I don't know how I feel, man But I just, you know what I mean? I just, mmh I feel, I really feel, you know Bing, bing, bing I really feel, man I really feel Them energies are coming And it's cool It's cool Hey, wow God, man That's why I feel like I feel like, I feel like God Hey That's a groovy feeling Wow And I didn't even smoke nothing I was upstairs looking at the wallpaper And got high I don't know That kind of wallpaper Dope, dope, dope Dope's so weird I mean, you know Not dope I mean, cause They can say Marijuana's not dope But, uh, dope Let's, uh For the lack of something better Uh, dope, uh, really You know, dope's Cause dope just cut out You know what I mean?
And leave you hanging there You know what I mean? Cause dope say later You know You say Hey, but dope I wanna go with you Yeah Yeah Yeah - Welcome to the Bob Bond Show. Tonight our guests include the Reverend Arnold T. Perkins, and of course we have a black nationalist. - Why don't you introduce me first, sissy? I don't even wanna be on the show, man, 'cause that beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep.
Next to him is the wonderful anthropologist, Dr. Winston Stonewood. And Miss Hazel Duntwood, who gave up narcotics for God. Tonight we have a wing-dang-doodle. We're really gonna get down to the nitty-gritty. - Let's pose our first question to the professor. Professor, where did man come from? - Man came from the earth. Man was begat by raindrops, grew out of the ground, uprooted himself, and just walked away.
Man was first a stump. After man pulled himself away from the earth, man went walking, dragging, of course, the roots, dragging the roots, leaving little seeds as he walked along, giving growth to other vegetation, and creating more man trees, as they were known in the early times. - Well, isn't it true, though, however, may I just say something here? - Yes, you may, Reverend? - That God created man after himself.
- That's not true. That's a falsehood. - God created himself after himself. Man created himself after God after he found out who he was. See, God was a person from another place. He came here on earth and wiped the place and decided he'd settle down. Knew he'd make a fortune here. He's been cleaning up every Sunday for the last thousands of years with that religion crap. And we all know it's patootie patootie.
Don't we, don't we know that? Don't we know that? - I got something to say, man, you dig? I mean, you cats been up here rapping and ain't said nothing about the real thing. You know what I mean? I got something to say, man. Man, the black man, the real soul brother, first was coming by his self. He wasn't no tree. I mean, I don't want to hear it, man. You cats up here rapping about the Jews, but what about me, man?
What about my people? - I don't believe anyone said anything about the Jews. - You will. You will. - Maybe, maybe Mr. Dumtree would like to say something. - Yes. I'd like to say since I gave up narcotics, I found God. - I, I, I, I beg to differ. I, I, I don't see the, the tie-in between narcotics and God. God was a junkie, baby. God, he had to be a junkie to put up with all this. You know what I mean?
You don't just walk around feeling nothing behind all this is going on, man. You ask the Reverend, he'll tell you about it. Tell him about Rev, 'cause me and Rev was rapping backstage. I know what it's at. Keep going, Rev, rapping. - Well, I, I, I, my, my, my friend here probably is, probably is right. God probably did take some sort of outside medication. As it states in chapter 6, verse 32, verse 32, "I will take unto myself what is needed."
God didn't want us to have it. I don't think he would have created it. Amen. - I disagree. I think the devil had a lot to do with this. I think the devil has been man's greatest curse since time began. I think the devil created time. The devil created time. We have proof of this. We found a watch. - That's right, a watch. Primitive, but nevertheless, a watch. And head on in the back to devil with it all.
What do you say to that? - Ah, wow, man. What's that got to do with the real thing? Everybody know who the devil is. The devil's white. 'Cause if he wasn't white, he wouldn't be right. You dig? Now, I got something to say about it all. I study religion, you know what I mean? Organized religion. And there ain't no such thing. 'Cause God ain't never dug too many people. He just dug a few cats. Like Moses.
That's the only cat he ever rapped to. Him and Jesus, you dig? He didn't dig no whole lot of people. You cats coming on with the organized religion like God dig a whole bunch of people. Unreal. And I ain't going for it. - I like to say something to my friend here. When God touches one of us, he's not just touching one of us, but he touches many of us in many ways. Often, God touches me at night. I lay in bed, and I feel God touching me.
It's quite marvelous. Well, that about concludes it for tonight, friends. All right, get them in here, get them in here, get them all in here. All right, I want the black prisoners to sit over there. The white prisoners sit over there. And the ones that are laughing, I want them to sit over there. I'll tell you, we're going to see a little theatrics here this evening. Some people come down from Joplin.
And they're really going to do a good job for you. And I want you to show them your respect. Now, when the lights go out, I don't want any of you homosexuals back there touching one another. And I mean that. There's a couple of ladies in this organization. And I don't want no cat calling. And I don't want nobody up here whistling, hee-haw, and humming around. And keep your hands out of your laps. If I catch any of you guys with your hands in your laps, you're going to cause a lot of trouble.
We're going to break the whole thing up and send everybody back. So now try to keep a grip on yourselves. Okay, now, this here, this here actor fellas coming out here, Ben Dodds. Ben Dodds is going to come out here and introduce this here's a one-act sonnet play. Thank you very much. Good evening. We hope that you will enjoy our one-act sonnet. The play is about a young southern girl who falls in love with the black.
Uh, just a minute, uh, can I, uh, that's a little too controversial and I don't think, uh, we're going to be watching anything like that. Uh, Jed, you can turn the lights back on and we'll load the prisoners up and just, uh, we'll take them on back, uh. Well, it's quite, it's quite all right, the nigger gets killed. Well, that's different. Thank you, thank you very much. And, uh, we hope you like it.
Uh, thank you very much. I don't give a damn if he does come home, Paul. I'm not