Watch or listen to the stand-up comedy special 'Back To The Garden' (2023) by Louis CK on Comedy Buff. Transcript available. Tracks include: Jesus and the Fig Tree and Homelessness.

Louis CK

Back To The Garden

And in the morning, as they passed by, they saw the fig tree dried up from the roots. And Peter, calling to remembrance, saith unto him, Master, behold, the fig tree which thou doth curseth is withered away and dead. And Jesus answered and saith unto them, Have faith in God. What the fuck kind of a Jesus story is that? What the fuck are we supposed to? Hey, Jesus, you killed that tree. That's right, motherfucker.
What are we supposed to learn from cranky, hungry Jesus? There's no figs on the trees. He's like, you're fucking dead, you piece of shit tree. You're fucking dead. And the tree's like, but the time of figs is not yet. It's just, I need another week. Some things that are terrible happening in the world, you just kind of give up. Like in New York, there's a lot of homeless people. And there's a lot of homeless people here.
I mean, not in here. There's none in here. There's none in here. There's none in here. Not even with a ticket, he ain't getting in here. They're not allowed to go where we go. They're just not allowed. That's the one part we all agree with. I don't know what to do about the homeless, but they're not coming in here. If you don't have your own indoors, you can't come into other people's indoors. Those are the rules.
Those are the rules we live by. I've done benefit shows for homeless people where homeless people weren't allowed in the show. There's whole places they don't get to, like the airport. They've never even seen an airport. You've never been at your gate and some guy's like, hey, I'm trying to get to Tokyo. Can you help me out? I'm going to... I'm going to... I'm going to... I'm going to... I'm going to...